Calling in sick, what's your company procedures?

Where I work we have 2-step progress, first I need to call an outsourced company that deals specifically with registering that people within companies that buy their service are sick and have a staff of actual nurses that take the call so that they can offer advice on how to treat symptoms or otherwise be of assistance. The second step is to call my actual boss and tell him the exact same thing, redundant. I've always disliked this system because it makes it a hassle for no good reason and since there's already a number to call if you want medical advice (and I could call my mom who's a nurse), I am not entirely sure what special thing we're paying for as a company other than annoying phone calls after two days asking if I'm feeling better.

But what's worse is when you get a nurse on the phone who's just a complete "stickler for paperworks". Such as today, when I call in after being sick for over a week but still going to work, it's actually closing in on two weeks. And I ramble up all my symptoms and I'm 28 and my mother is a nurse.. I know how to deal with being sick. But I still have to listen to her ramble on about how to deal with the symptoms, does anyone under the age of 10 not know how to deal with a common cold? (granted, this one has been pretty steadfast in not going away for some reason so not so common, I suppose)

After that dull ordeal comes the final part, when will I return to work? She suggested friday (2 days off) and I told her she might as well put Monday (3 days off, weekend doesn't count as official sick days, but that's a total of 5 days either way) and she said "Well, these things usually pass in a few days" (duh, but now I've been sick for over a week and working isn't doing me any favors, I've already told her this) so I say "Yes, and that would give me 3 days and I wouldn't have to call back on friday just to say I'll be home that day too." she gets annoyed and says "But you need to call in when you're well again anyway" (which is a nonissue since it's calling up and punching in numbers and hanging up without talking to anyone). Ugh. So I come back in explaining again that I'm aware of that but I don't feel it's needed to do this a second time just for one day and she gives up sounding really annoyed asking if she can tell in the report to my job the reasons I'm off (as if I don't have to call them and say anyway) and I say of course.

I don't understand why they are so pushy for people to go back to work early, it's not like they're losing money. And wouldn't they be more inclined for one to be home enough to get well rather than go back to work and not be? Furthermore, I always find it funny that I (as a uneducated layman) have to argue with a nurse regarding her judgement. My girlfriend even had one tell her when she called to extend her time home "Well you should be better by now." and she wasn't, at all. So she says that and the reply she gets is "that's very strange, because these things pass in a few days" (italics to emphasize irony).

So, what's the procedures at your job, less of a headache?

Edited to add; just called and talked to my boss (well, not specifically my boss but one of the heads of my department) and she was nice and the conversation was less than 2 minutes. Awesome.

Wow, that is a hassle. 
When I have to call in sick I just make the call and the boss goes "Ok, well I'll see you tomorrow or the day after then. Get well soon, buddy!" and that's it. 

That sounds like a total hassle, especially if the symptom is that awesome game that came out today, and you rather play that all day then going to work. Oh wait, that might be the whole purpose of this procedure.

Wow, that is a hassle. 
When I have to call in sick I just make the call and the boss goes "Ok, well I'll see you tomorrow or the day after then. Get well soon, buddy!" and that's it. 

i send a message via whatsapp (IM service on my phone) to my manager and head back to bed, yours sound like a massive pain in the ass, makes not want to be sick..ever.

I call in and say I'm not coming in today. The boss makes a smart ass comment then he says ok and the call ends.

I just have to call in and find a replacement. That's it.

Dont know, never have called in sick before.

I'm never sick. I'm a fucking übermensch.

Mines pretty standard, call in sick thats it. But my friend gets to TEXT that there sick!

Just call in ahead of time before I have to go in, usually not like ten minutes or something retarded like that, and thats it.

I call my manager or send an email. That's when I'm really sick. When I'm slightly under the weather, but clearly not good enough to make it into the office, I can thankfully work from home (and not burn a sick day).

@Pezen, you have it bad. I'm sorry. What industry do you work in, out of curiosity?

i never get sick. it's good. my current job it's just call in tell them i'm calling out. heard that it's a hassle to get extra days off.

Call boss and say I'm not coming in and give absolutely any reason at all. He'll say it's fine and not even care. He's a pretty cool guy.

@yoshimitz707 said:

Call boss and say I'm not coming in and give absolutely any reason at all. He'll say it's fine and not even care. He's a pretty cool guy.

GET OUT OF HERE CHOCOLATE PUDDING.

I have to call in 2 hours before the shift is supposed to start, explain that I'm sick, then get a doctor's note (dated!) from a licensed practitioner stating the symptoms that I had and that I actually was sick, and then hand that in my next time in. And this is true even if I'm only going to miss one day of work.

Granted, I am part time right now

Bert Trautmann played out the 1956 FA Cup final with a broken neck. Man up.

Seems most have it pretty decent, we used to be a lot more laid back but I'm guessing we had too many "bad eggs" calling in sick due to their own actions the day before. And sometimes just to take time off. We do have a system where if you're sick a specific number of times within a specific time frame you're put on notice and you'll have to give them doctor's notes for a while after that to prove you're not bullshitting. So now I'm stuck playing phone tag and listening to mind numbing explanations of things I already know. Ah well, at least I have a job.

@Ubersmake: I work in the food industry, specifically I overlook machines that grind chicken meat into goo that we then freeze in big blocks.

@Rudyftw said:

@yoshimitz707 said:

Call boss and say I'm not coming in and give absolutely any reason at all. He'll say it's fine and not even care. He's a pretty cool guy.

GET OUT OF HERE CHOCOLATE PUDDING.

FUCK YOU! I AM A PERSON!

@yoshimitz707 said:

@Rudyftw said:

@yoshimitz707 said:

Call boss and say I'm not coming in and give absolutely any reason at all. He'll say it's fine and not even care. He's a pretty cool guy.

GET OUT OF HERE CHOCOLATE PUDDING.

FUCK ME! I AM A CHOCOLATE PUDDING!

I go to work and throw up in a garbage can for 10 hours, repeat until I feel better. My job totally sucks!

i call my boss, she freaks out and then i have 24 hours to either go online and fill out a sick form or get one from work, if i dont i dont get paid and if 48 hours pass i get fired (unless its something like where i have to be in a hospital)

I have never called in sick in 10 years of work.

I just text my boss. If it's over 4 days, I'll need a doctor's note.

The police force I work for has unlimited sick days. So that's pretty nice. There are a few people who take advantage of that, but not many. The going policy is that if you feel shitty - stay home. It kills productivity to have multiple people out of commission and you can make some pretty bad decisions if you are not feeling well. Considering my line of work, bad decisions affect the lives of others.

Many times, you'll hear someone cough once or twice, and then the co-workers of that person are urging them to go home.

E-mail my producer or post supervisor usually, has been this way from gig to gig.

Just email my boss. That's really it.

I'm never sick. I'm a fucking übermensch.

@Imsorrymsjackson said:

I have never called in sick in 10 years of work.

Is that because you've never been sick, or because you enjoy contaminating your co-workers?

I'm a manager of normally between 15 - 20 people at a life insurance brokerage (it's a nightmare - I hate it) so quite often have to deal with sickness. Your company will have sickness procedures in place for very good reason...to try and limit sickness wherever possible & to try and support the people it employs.

And I ramble up all my symptoms and I'm 28 and my mother is a nurse.. I know how to deal with being sick. But I still have to listen to her ramble on about how to deal with the symptoms, does anyone under the age of 10 not know how to deal with a common cold?

So what your saying is your company should not give any support or guidance to anyone due to your age and the fact your mother is a nurse? I manage someone who was off with an ear infection several times with an ear infection over the last year, her mother is a nurse, turns out she'd hardly been to the Doc's about it at all. A company can't just assume that people know how to deal with sickness and also has a duty of care to it's employees.

After that dull ordeal comes the final part, when will I return to work? She suggested friday (2 days off) and I told her she might as well put Monday (3 days off, weekend doesn't count as official sick days, but that's a total of 5 days either way) and she said "Well, these things usually pass in a few days" (duh, but now I've been sick for over a week and working isn't doing me any favors, I've already told her this) so I say "Yes, and that would give me 3 days and I wouldn't have to call back on friday just to say I'll be home that day too."

What? Why would you just assume you're going to be off on the Friday? What kind of sense would your company have (or the nurse representing them) have if people were just saying 'yeah, yeah I'll be off the rest of the week just 'cause I'm really ill today' and the company didn't question it at all.

I don't understand why they are so pushy for people to go back to work early, it's not like they're losing money.

Not sure if this bit is serious?

And wouldn't they be more inclined for one to be home enough to get well rather than go back to work and not be?

Agree with this bit, I never force anyone to come back to work when they're still ill.

Basically all I'm saying is your company pays you to be at work, when you're not there of course it costs them money and/or productivity. It's your right to have time off when you're legitimately sick which is totally fine, but what they're doing isn't exactly harassment they're just questioning the people that work for them which they have every right to do.

PS. Fuck the system, man.

They have every right to put the screws to you over being sick because so many fucking people lie about it. The lower you go on the pay scale the worse the calling in sick gets, but the systems to deal with it are shittier too.

Wow, that is a hassle. 
When I have to call in sick I just make the call and the boss goes "Ok, well I'll see you tomorrow or the day after then. Get well soon, buddy!" and that's it. 

There can't be just one person at work, it's against the rules and we open at 6am. There are only 2 people on an open, so if your in early you pretty much just have to turn up until someone else can get there. Once I had to show up and just sit there being sick for like 4 hours until someone could turn up; not many people have their phones switched on at 6am! I guess if your REALLY sick then that's fine but if it's just a bug or a flu type thing you have to at least show up. My boss will then make some smart ass comment about how he hopes it's not aids and send you home.

I can text sick. It's pretty awesome.

I have to call in 2 hours before the shift is supposed to start, explain that I'm sick, then get a doctor's note (dated!) from a licensed practitioner stating the symptoms that I had and that I actually was sick, and then hand that in my next time in. And this is true even if I'm only going to miss one day of work.

Granted, I am part time right now

I just have to not go into work. Being you're own boss is great.

I leave a voicemail from my bed and go back to sleep.

I just txt in, which means not need to 'put' on a sick voice.

For the previous six years, I came into work whenever and left whenever. Sure I had to get my time in but I would clock in at 8:13 one day and 11:20 the next. OT was yours for the taken. As far as sick days, I just called off. I would email if I couldn't talk. No biggie. Call off and take a vacation day.
Now…the company has been bought out by a huge corporation that is making the place better by making us follow all those corporate policies. *Sarcasm*
The changes to sick days, vacation days and the time we come and go is happening. Although that's how most people work, it sucks.

Where I work you call in sick to your superior. Then you go to the doctor to get a notice of sickness which you hand in at work as soon as possible because payment during days of sickness is covered via health insurance. That is the usual process at every workplace in Germany. No individual processes for each company here.

I don't have to call anyone. I just work from home usually.

@Vodun: I have booked time off for operations, but have never taken a sick day, I have been to work throwing up and shitting myself before though.

ME: Hey, I'm not feeling well today, won't be at the office. If you have any assignments, just e-mail them to me, and i'll take a look.

BOSS: Alright, get well duder. (He actually uses that term, he's a GB fan.)

@Imsorrymsjackson said:

@Vodun: I have booked time off for operations, but have never taken a sick day, I have been to work throwing up and shitting myself before though.

The main reason you want to take a sick day is to not keep spreading your illness dude. No matter how bad ass you think you are, you're still a disease carrier.

@Vodun: Nothing to do with being bad ass, I just have a job that I love and don't like to not be at. We are also very busy constantly and I have lots to do every day. As long as you keep your hands washed, don't share cups and have good personal hygiene then stomach bugs won't spread at all.

In the three jobs that I've had I never called in sick so I have no idea what the procedures are/were

I just spend thirty seconds on the phone with my boss, and the conversation usually ends with him saying, "Just don't be an ass and come back before you're well." I did work at a place once where we simply dealt with an automated phone line for sick days. Come to think of it, I didn't even talk to a real person when I quit that job too. I guess when the turnover rates get so high, some companies just stop caring. At least the OP's company gives a shit.

I just need to send an e-mail to my manager, and then when I return to work fill out a PTO form to account for the sick days I used.

Working for a smaller private company that has less than 60 employees, plus I am management. I have to speak directly to my boss, the Executive Director. He tells me to stop faking, spit the water out of my nose. Man up and get the fuck into work. Then he gives me the day off. It's been like this for over 20 years.