So I tried the new flavors of Mountain Dew...

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ArbitraryWater

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Edited By ArbitraryWater

So the rest of you wouldn't have to. Since Game Fuel is once again gone, instead of leaving a highly caffeinated and probably-bad-for-you hole in our lives the people at Pepsi have already launched a new "Dewmocracy" push with 3 new flavors. Those who remember the last time they did this (i.e. right after the Halo 3 game fuel thing was done) remember that there were 3 flavors, all of which kind of tasted like generic fruity sweetness. Of those three, Voltage (the one that won) probably had the most distinct flavor and, in my opinion, tasted the best. There was also that weird diet purple flavor that lasted like 3 months and tasted bad, and it took me a second to remember that it even existed. 
 
Today however, I don't come to you to talk about old flavors (Pitch Black 2 was really good. That is all) but to tell you all that you probably don't have to change your soda consuming habits any time soon. Let's go through each one by one, shall we? 

 Am I depraved for writing a blog about these three stupid, stupid sodas? Maybe.
 Am I depraved for writing a blog about these three stupid, stupid sodas? Maybe.


Mountain Dew White Out

 Billed as  "smooth citrus". In reality, White Out kind of tastes like piss. No, that isn't exactly descriptive so I will say that it tastes like Vault (i.e. Coke's attempt at making a Mtn Dew equivalent.). If you have ever tasted Vault then you know that it fails to be either distinctive or delicious, and ends up just tasting like generic lemon/lime (i.e. Squirt gone bad). Sadly, as of this bloggering it is currently in the lead, which I find disappointing.
 

Mountain Dew Typhoon

 Having been in an actual Typhoon , I can assure you that this beverage isn't hurricane flavored. It's billed as "Tropical", which is secret code for "Fruit Punch". There's not much more to say then that. You have probably tasted some facet of Typhoon before, and I thought it was ok, if somewhat indestinctive. 
 

Mountain Dew Distortion

 First of all, I think that this soda having the exact same color as regular dew (which also falls under my personal designation of "piss") is a bad, bad idea. If it was like, Emerald Green or something then that would help a ton, because I didn't realize that it was an actual separate flavor at first. But whatever. Billed as "Lime Blasted", Distortion is basically the bastard child of regular Mountain Dew and Sprite/7up/Sierra Mist, which works, oddly enough. The flavor is somewhat less mild than the usual "HEY MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU LIKE HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP?" flavor I get from this kind of soda. It's good, and tastes like artificial lime flavoring, which I approve. Your milage may vary however, as several other kids in my school stated that they disliked it.
 
In conclusion, I'm really not sure why I did this blog anyways, but if you are a depraved individual who can't get by on coke alone, then the DEWmocracy trio probably won't help. I like Distortion the best, but think that it has no chance in hell of winning the poll, so I will probably stockpile a few in a corner or something and that will be that. 
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ArbitraryWater

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#1  Edited By ArbitraryWater

So the rest of you wouldn't have to. Since Game Fuel is once again gone, instead of leaving a highly caffeinated and probably-bad-for-you hole in our lives the people at Pepsi have already launched a new "Dewmocracy" push with 3 new flavors. Those who remember the last time they did this (i.e. right after the Halo 3 game fuel thing was done) remember that there were 3 flavors, all of which kind of tasted like generic fruity sweetness. Of those three, Voltage (the one that won) probably had the most distinct flavor and, in my opinion, tasted the best. There was also that weird diet purple flavor that lasted like 3 months and tasted bad, and it took me a second to remember that it even existed. 
 
Today however, I don't come to you to talk about old flavors (Pitch Black 2 was really good. That is all) but to tell you all that you probably don't have to change your soda consuming habits any time soon. Let's go through each one by one, shall we? 

 Am I depraved for writing a blog about these three stupid, stupid sodas? Maybe.
 Am I depraved for writing a blog about these three stupid, stupid sodas? Maybe.


Mountain Dew White Out

 Billed as  "smooth citrus". In reality, White Out kind of tastes like piss. No, that isn't exactly descriptive so I will say that it tastes like Vault (i.e. Coke's attempt at making a Mtn Dew equivalent.). If you have ever tasted Vault then you know that it fails to be either distinctive or delicious, and ends up just tasting like generic lemon/lime (i.e. Squirt gone bad). Sadly, as of this bloggering it is currently in the lead, which I find disappointing.
 

Mountain Dew Typhoon

 Having been in an actual Typhoon , I can assure you that this beverage isn't hurricane flavored. It's billed as "Tropical", which is secret code for "Fruit Punch". There's not much more to say then that. You have probably tasted some facet of Typhoon before, and I thought it was ok, if somewhat indestinctive. 
 

Mountain Dew Distortion

 First of all, I think that this soda having the exact same color as regular dew (which also falls under my personal designation of "piss") is a bad, bad idea. If it was like, Emerald Green or something then that would help a ton, because I didn't realize that it was an actual separate flavor at first. But whatever. Billed as "Lime Blasted", Distortion is basically the bastard child of regular Mountain Dew and Sprite/7up/Sierra Mist, which works, oddly enough. The flavor is somewhat less mild than the usual "HEY MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU LIKE HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP?" flavor I get from this kind of soda. It's good, and tastes like artificial lime flavoring, which I approve. Your milage may vary however, as several other kids in my school stated that they disliked it.
 
In conclusion, I'm really not sure why I did this blog anyways, but if you are a depraved individual who can't get by on coke alone, then the DEWmocracy trio probably won't help. I like Distortion the best, but think that it has no chance in hell of winning the poll, so I will probably stockpile a few in a corner or something and that will be that. 
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jNerd

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#2  Edited By jNerd

White Out FTW

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deactivated-5c7ea8553cb72

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I havent tried any of the new flavors but I have tried code red and regular, they are delicious, but terribly bad for you.

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wrecks

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#4  Edited By wrecks
@jNerd said:
" White Out FTW "
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lovecreep

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#5  Edited By lovecreep

i must try them all. btw the way very well written.
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Yummylee

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#6  Edited By Yummylee

What, no live stream? I wanna see you chug those muthas!...Well not really.
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Ben99

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#7  Edited By Ben99

Original FTW
 

No Caption Provided
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Video_Game_King

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#8  Edited By Video_Game_King

You know what I love about that? You can't say "Dewmocracy" without "Doom", mainly because everybody involved knows that it's eventually going to kill you :P.

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ArbitraryWater

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#9  Edited By ArbitraryWater
@Abyssfull: I take my privacy on the internets rather seriously, so a livestream of me drinking Mountain Dew and going "ehhh, it's alright" doesn't really appeal to me, nor sound appealing to anyone else. 
@Ben99:  No. Regular Mountain Dew is crap. End of line. 
@Video_Game_King: I am actually probably not going to drink any more soda for a while, partially because my parents are paying me to do so and also yes, because it might kill me later down the line.
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Sanryd

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#10  Edited By Sanryd

DUDE HOLY FUCK I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WERE NEW FLAVORS!!!!!!!1!!!!! Looks like I have a trip to make.

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Organicalistic_

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#11  Edited By Organicalistic_

How do you get white food dye??

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Feser

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#12  Edited By Feser

Mountain Dew sucks neutered balls. Seriously, I hate the stuff. If I am getting a carbonated beverage I'll go with Red Bull or Rockstar. Other than that coffee is the best. 
 
PS: Internet peeps, I just bought a half a pound of coffee imported from Italy for fifteen bucks. Just to put that in perspective a pound of Folgers is a third that price in my store. Anyone tried it (It's called Illy)?
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#13  Edited By Claude

I hate sodas, but if forced I'll drink a Dr. Pepper.

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Ben99

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#14  Edited By Ben99
@ArbitraryWater: 
you do realize that those you mentioned are generic and were only produced after the regular had a big market for it? Some of those flavored drinks could be pulled out from the market before you know it . Diamonds last forever!
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bjorno

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#15  Edited By bjorno

canada only sells normal boring mtn dew laaame

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Milkman

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#16  Edited By Milkman

These all sound pretty great, to be honest.

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iam3green

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#17  Edited By iam3green

:O i'm going to have to try some mountain dew. the only ones that i usually drink are baja blast and regular.

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ricetopher

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#18  Edited By ricetopher

OH GOD DEWMOCRACY IS BACK.

Thank you for the informative post/blog. Time to go shopping for some new dew...

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@jNerd said:

" White Out FTW "

or Distortion with a darker green.
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ArbitraryWater

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#20  Edited By ArbitraryWater
@Feser: Yep. You are probably right, but being in the 13-25 male demographic that Mtn Dew is trying to market to, as well as being in high school makes me enjoy all the spinoff flavors quite a bit. I think that the regular stuff tastes like junk, but code red and voltage are good. Not much of a fan of coffee though.
@Claude: I actually like Dr. Pepper far more than "The Dew". Far less chance of my heart exploding and it tastes better too.
@Ben99 said:
" @ArbitraryWater:  you do realize that those you mentioned are generic and were only produced after the regular had a big market for it? Some of those flavored drinks could be pulled out from the market before you know it . Diamonds last forever! "
If Diamonds were, in fact, a reprehensible beverage with the color and taste of urine then your analogy would make sense (13 year old boys enjoy trying to be edgy. I don't see that changing). At least one of these new flavors is going to be permanent. I'm gunning for Distortion, but I doubt America agrees with me, at which point I still have other avenues for my highly sugary caffeine fix. But I digress. You are free to enjoy whatever carbonated beverage you please.


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MAN_FLANNEL

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#21  Edited By MAN_FLANNEL

Fuck Mountain Dew.  SURGE was the shit back in the day. 

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Btw, what ever happened to Mello Yello?  The only place I see it anymore is McDonald's.
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#22  Edited By Feser
@ArbitraryWater:
Don't get me wrong. I am big fan of trying new drinks and writing cool blogs about them.
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FesteringNeon

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#23  Edited By FesteringNeon

The only one i missed, was the orange kind.  
To me, it was the most tolerable of the experiments. 
 
I'll hafta give the new flavors a try though.
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FesteringNeon

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#24  Edited By FesteringNeon

The only one i missed, was the orange kind.  
To me, it was the most tolerable of the experiments. 
 
I'll hafta give the new flavors a try though.
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W0lfbl1tzers

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#25  Edited By W0lfbl1tzers

Squirt is Grapefruit flavored. I hate grapefruit but love me some damn squirt. I love soda and have to try as many as I can before I die. Coke is still my favorite. I have to indulge sometimes in mexican coke because it's made with real sugar. I will have to pick these up to try them out tomorrow before training.

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MrSnow

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#26  Edited By MrSnow

Dude the first time I had Mtb Dew was in Zambia.