I like to build computers, it is a recent hobby, but I enjoy it. But every once in awhile I dream of making the worst possible cheapest computer I could make.

You must understand cheap and worst are no the same thing. You could buy $180 of parts to make a bad computer, but you can also make one that works pretty well. The key is to make the Cruel Shoes* of computers, where not only is it cheap, but is is also the worst possible combination of parts resulting in the worst - but functional - computer you can imagine.

So what would you make that is ugly, cheap and functional for $225 (or less). It must have the following:

• CPU
• Motherboard
• Memory
• Storage
• Graphics card (or CPU cooler if you think that is uglier, but machine must output graphics)
• Case
• Power Supply
• Keyboard
• Mouse
• At least one PCIe card

This might seem easy, but in fact a lot of modern PC parts are fairly attractively or neutrally colored, so true ugliness is hard to achieve. Because of this at least one part can be spray painted (heat resistant paint) to make its shell/case/housing uglier. Please describe the color; ie. shit brown, mustard yellow, 70s blue eye shadow, etc

This would be a very different project depending on if you mean a crappy new PC (all new, current parts on the market) or any old crappy PC from any era. Used case and parts would be the way to go if you truly want cheap, bad, and ugly.

Otherwise, I can't help much with suggestions for parts. I never keep up with cheap and ugly :)

Maybe you could use an old Jaguar shell and a PCI capture card?

Well whatever you do, here's a benchmark for you to go by:

For $225 dollars you could by 7+ raspberri pi's (or other less advertised cheap hobby computer chips), and have them together try to be one computer. So they can all have different tasks, one is hooked up to the keyboard and other IO devices, one holds the main operating system while another has a internet connection. They'll communicate through USB. Or if you feel particularly adventurous you can let them communicate through the IO pins. (you'll need to do some soldering for that, probably a little programming)

You can stick them on a piece of plexiglas and hang it on your wall like a painting. With all the wiring it should look quite cheap and ugly, but beautiful and sophisticated at the same time.

Does this stuff have to be new and available in stores now? There was a period in the mid 2000's where everything at Fry's was the ugliest of neon colors, neon green power supplies with blue PCB with hyper blue LED fans sort of stuff... They used to sell Zotac systems on a board for like $70, too.

Long story short, you could have built an ugly ass computer just a few years ago. They had one in a plexiglass case proudly displaying a water cooled X-fi.

Don't forget to include the old beige floppy drives, modded to read SD cards.

Those clear cases were plenty ugly, too. You could go to the hardware store, pick up non-matching scrap pieces of acrylic and glue those together.

Potato builds are fun.

http://pcpartpicker.com/p/7fVGsY

Here's my best worst. This was harder than it sounded. The trade off between an uglier part or worse performer for more money was a tough call. You might as well just flush $222.84 (after mail in rebate) down the drain.

P.S. If mail in rebate is cheating that just drop the fanless cpu cooler, then one that it comes with probably looks worse anyway.

Found the case for this:

source:http://www.japantrendshop.com/m4125-maid-pc-computer-case-p-213.html

I am totally into this.I have wanted to build something like this for a bit but it has to serve some purpose for me. Ive been really wanting to build some kind of mini arcade cabinet But idk if I should build a small low end PC or use a raspberry pi. And I'm totally clueless on all the other stuff you would need like arcade buttons and a joystick.

Depending on what you define as worst, I would say maybe look at those new 8-bit computers or other attempts to revitalize classic 80's and 90's machines.

There's the Firebee, which is a $650 recreation of the Atari Falcon 030, a home computer from 1992 with a 32mhz processor and up to 14 MB RAM.

There's also a project to create a new 8-bit computer in the style of (but not a clone of) the Commodore 64 and ZX Spectrum. I've been unable to find the name of it, but I think it also was somewhere in the $600 range.

So in terms of computing power, you won't get much for an amount of money that could get you a halfway decent gaming rig. Those projects obviously don't have the intention of being that either of course, but it all comes down to how you define worst.

@charlie_victor_bravo: So when the computer is working hard and the ventilators start pumping the skirt... moves?

@colony024 said:

Well whatever you do, here's a benchmark for you to go by:

I'm liking how you think. Yes, overly shiny and plastic, yet matching.

@charlie_victor_bravo said:

Found the case for this:

source:http://www.japantrendshop.com/m4125-maid-pc-computer-case-p-213.html

Yes, this is very compelling as a concept. Its like the Christmas Story "Leg Lamp" with a tacky/hentai bent.

I did see this little beauty...so very pink.

I'm pretty sure my father does this exact thing regularly. We have an elephants graveyard of PC parts from our years building computer from donated bit and bobs and hand me down components from my various builds in my home house attic.

We have proudly never bought a computer, mainly because they were super expensive at the time, but friends of mine had them, and they're dads had business machines, and as they became out dated, we got them.

He is forever running some god awful contraption every time I visit! His computers are infuriating to use, simple tasks take hours, need to print to boarding pass, no problem, hope you like the most complex series of loops possible. :D

good luck sir. To inspire you, i found some beautiful machines.

Gallery

The cat one is pretty amazing though.

@onemanarmyy: That Hot Wheels set is identical to the Barbie one above.

The Newegg Wishlist That I Used To Build This PC

So this is my attempt at a terrible build. Generic Micro-ATX case, Refurbished Pentium D from 2005, Refurbished Dell Motherboard, Noname brand Power Supply, 2gb ram in a single chip (worse performance than if I had went with 2 1gb chips), a PS/2 keyboard, a trackball that you have to hold vertical (no resing on the desk when your arm gets tired), Geforce workstation card with 512 mb ram (can't play games on this garbage, can't do any actual work either), PCIe network card, refurbished HP 72gb hard drive because "fuck you and your ability to install shit."

Edit: I had to update the list because the CPU didn't include a fan by default. THe new total is $190 USD for this barely useable piece of shit.

Edit 2:I now how have more of an appreciation for those Intel NUC devices now. They have better performance than this, for the same money ($150 + the cost of a HD).

Took a shot, and I think the following build is pretty terrible. I resorted to a lot of old parts (some used) available on Amazon.

Since some parts aren't available in PCPartPicker, I've included images (and full parts list) in the spoiler tag. Some stray thoughts:

• This build should technically be able to run Windows 8.1 64-bit. But you wouldn't want to.
• CPU is a good old, single-core Celeron. They literally don't make them like this anymore.
• Motherboard is not very cheap for a board that's, what, 5 socket generations old? Still has the all-important serial, LPT, and PS/2 ports.
• RAM only totals 2GB, but takes up both available slots. Was going to find some with stupid-huge heatsinks, but didn't find any cheap enough.
• It has an SSD! It's 32GB.
• Honestly don't know how an 8400 GS performs for modern day use (streaming Giant Bomb, YouTube, Netflix). Might not be extremely horrible, if you keep the resolution low?
• Chose the wi-fi card because it has this dumb little antenna panel you need to stand somewhere (on your desk or PC case). Reviews are pretty bad.
• Mouse is the first ugly PS/2 mouse I came across. It says it's sold new, but photos didn't convince me.
• Keyboard is a used silicone flexible keyboard. So you get zero key feel plus the ick factor.
• This case is sort of a crap shoot. It's an ATX case, and it says it has a 300W PSU, but they don't say much else about it. No interior photos. Just ugly beige circa 1998.
• The rules say at least one PCIe card. The GPU is PCIe, but the wi-fi card is PCI.

PCPartPicker part list: http://pcpartpicker.com/p/Pn92gs

Price breakdown by merchant: http://pcpartpicker.com/p/Pn92gs/by_merchant/

CPU: Intel Celeron 420 1.6GHz Single-Core Processor (used, $13.93)

CPU Cooler: Cooler Master RR-LEE-L911-GP 33.8 CFM Sleeve Bearing CPU Cooler ($14.99 @ Amazon)

Motherboard: Gigabyte GA-G41MT-S2PT Micro ATX LGA775 Motherboard (used, $49.47)

Memory: Crucial 2GB (2 x 1GB) DDR3-1333 Memory ($20.95 @ Amazon)

Storage: Crucial V4 32GB 2.5" Solid State Drive ($37.99 @ Amazon)

Video Card: EVGA GeForce 8400 GS 1GB Video Card ($29.99 @ Amazon)

Wireless Network Adapter: Netgear WN311B-100NAS 802.11b/g/n PCI Wi-Fi Adapter (used, $5.09)

Mouse: wired standard mouse ps2, MOU-886, trackball by viewnet ($5.99)

Keyboard: Flexible Silicone Spill Proof Keyboard (Blue) by Omnitech (used, $10.12)

Case/PSU: CABLES UNLIMITED ATX CASE CF-8502A-ATX-CASE ($35.99)

Total: $224.51

Prices include shipping, taxes, and discounts when available

Generated by PCPartPicker 2016-03-18 00:39 EDT-0400

EDIT - Think I fixed the formatting in spoiler tag.

@monkeyking1969 said:

I did see this little beauty...so very pink.

This case, from the same manufacturer, is also pretty good. But I couldn't find it for sale anywhere.

Yes, this is coming along well.

@monetarydread I like your use of parts, the bare unpainted metal of some parts is the requist shabby look. But, I must say, your choice if mouse is FANTASTIC! That is truly terrible in all the way I could hope for. Its weird, ugly, has an odd input method added yet it works.

And, that in turn got me thinking; my terrible computer need other terrible single use things. It needs a CueCAT for sure, right?

What is this that I stumbled upon?

I've actually seen this mouse at a local second-hand store a long time ago. Now it makes me wish I bought it; I would've totally sent it to you. It's also listed on Amazon, but not in stock, sadly.

An eMachine circa the release of Vista. Holy shit, those were garbage.

Also, this:

@wraithtek: I dunno, I'm not convinced they look any uglier than most cases out there...

Working with any dell or hp case will have you praying for the sweet release of death (well not quite, but close...)

@ripelivejam: I tried to put a new PSU in an old HP case once. A sawzall got it to fit.

@mike: This and some industrial sheet metal cutters is how I conquer any and all proprietary cases. I remember cutting out floppy drive enclosures to fit GTX 780s into old cases xD

@monkeyking1969 said:

Yes, this is coming along well.

@monetarydread I like your use of parts, the bare unpainted metal of some parts is the requist shabby look. But, I must say, your choice if mouse is FANTASTIC! That is truly terrible in all the way I could hope for. Its weird, ugly, has an odd input method added yet it works.

And, that in turn got me thinking; my terrible computer need other terrible single use things. It needs a CueCAT for sure, right?

This isn't particularly ugly, but it's completely useless, and yet it works, in theory at least. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Iomega-ZIP-drive-internal-white/dp/B0009JP6S8/

That cuecat sure is something special. don't believe I've ever seen one before.

Oh, and what modern personal computer would be complete without a horrific gaming peripheral?

Only ~$12 used, so it'll probably be even uglier.

http://www.amazon.com/Microsoft-Sidewinder-Freestyle-Game-A17-00001/dp/B00004Z729

@colony024 said:

I've actually seen this mouse at a local second-hand store a long time ago. Now it makes me wish I bought it; I would've totally sent it to you. It's also listed on Amazon, but not in stock, sadly.

@apothaeos I think colony024 might be on a 'better track than a just a boob mouse pad.... Maybe an Ultimate Muscle computer.

I have a GlowForge coming in June/July...well, the last time I looked that was the delivery date....so, I could 'cut' a design into any case. There is a game called Muscle March that seems properly over the top with muscle men...and a polar bear?

So, a very bad computer with the theme of hot oiled men...that sounds like the RIGHT kind of disaster project.

@monkeyking1969 said:

@apothaeos said:

@monkeyking1969: There are "boob mousepads" that are a ripped guy's pecs instead... I like where this design is headed.

I have a GlowForge coming in June/July...well, the last time I looked that was the delivery date....so, I could 'cut' a design into any case. There is a game called Muscle March that seems properly over the top with muscle men...and a polar bear?

So, a very bad computer with the theme of hot oiled men...that sounds like the RIGHT kind of disaster project.

For man-pec mousemats, look no further than kinnikuman. There are lots, they're on ebay, and they're pretty spectacular.