The final round of the Metagame between the two glasses-est interns is here, and it is BY FAR the most bizarre round yet!

So, yeah! Expect more of these very soon (like, tomorrow-soon), and expect us to pull all sorts of Whiskey Media staffers in on the fun! We're changing up the format slightly - instead of a drawn-out, "best two out of three" battle, we're going to switch to a more sudden death-ish experience. Expect future episodes of the Metagame to be one-offs between pairings of Whiskey Media contributors who you probably haven't ever seen in the same frame before. That's all I'm gonna say!

Parappa the Rapper has made more people cry - they are just not out there being proud about it, which is why it seems that FFVII should be the winner. 
 
I shrugged when...something tragic...happened to that lady. I already feel a wave of depression coming over me when I even THINK about the last level of Parappa.

Parappa the Rapper might have made many people break their controllers in fury, but crying? Naw. Although the onion reference was excellent.

Kessler won this one by default, he pretty much had the best card in the game.

Well played, both of you!

Bodega wins. Nick had no chance with any of the cards he had.

Final Fantasy: around 10 million copies sold

Parappa the Rapper, around 1.5 million copies sold.

I'm going with Kessler

Kessler's argument kind of confused me this round. Does FFVII make people cry because it ruined the series, or because of what happens in the story?

I like that Nick went for the alternate strategy of crying because a game is too punishing, so I think he wins this round. Overall Kessler wins 2-1, though.

Matt definitely wins.

What!? What!? Fuck you, Kessler. There's so much wrong with what you're saying about Final Fantasy in general. Seriously? Fucking Aries? Yea, that's what made players cry: when Aeris revealed that she was actually a fucking star goat.

Based purely on argument I think Nick wins this round, I didn't quite follow Matt's and it seemed like just a lot of bullet points about the game. While, being realistic, FF 7 has probably made more people cry(though I don't get it, I never felt any sort of attachment to any of those characters) I doubt either of them has made that many people legitimately shed tears. If you pull it back a bit and just consider how many have made people feel like crying, maybe tear up a little bit, I expect Parappa could be competitive. That game is fucking punishing as all hell, and like Nick said, I think the game is wrong most of the time. I'm not the tear-filled rage type, but I bet there's plenty who are.

Also, I'm excited to see you guys are doing more of this, I was a little worried this would be it.

More people have clearly cried over Parappa the Rapper. It's obvious!!!

Bodega is walking away with this one despite the fact that he doesnt even know the name off the character he is talking about.   Aries?  REALLY?  You confused a chick who sells flowers and dresses in pink with the god of war???  If anything else his argument made me cry so he wins.  Kings to you Matt.

Kessler was terrible this round. He didn't focus on anything in particular. I think he lost! So 2-1 in my book.

haha, matt wins.

At first I was totally on Kessler's side, but Nick's argument won me over. The onion point and the slam made me laugh out loud, too. Really glad that you guys are gonna keep doing these too, I'm loving these videos.

Kessler had this in the bag yet he totally ruined.  I have to give this one to Nick since he actually gave a good argument. 

"Heartbreaking decisions is the essence of Drama" - Matt Kessler, 2011

Kessler wins, but his argument and mispronunciations were grating!

Beating the last stage of Ouendan on the hardest difficulty made me cry in sheer relief. Nothing made me cry in Parappa, besides maybe with laughter at some of the lyrics. It was a fantastic game, but not a particularly emotional one. The Onion Proposition was inspired though.

Didn't cry at FF7 either, but Aeris dying kind of still seals the deal as far as banal universally recognizable tear-jerking drama moments in games go. Kessler makes a mistake in that Ares actually died in "God of War", and while that death wasn't particularly sad I can understand that trauma can make a man confused. So I'm on Team Soupwallet for this round.

Kessler, all you had to do was say 2 words and then walk out of the room.

Nick, you never had a chance with this round.

I believe in Nick. His own GB avatar was clearly made amidst his own playthrough of Parappa Rappa and stands as symbol for the tears games can plunge out of you! Matt was at least rather hilarious as his argument degraded into insanity.

Matt won hands down.

Matt just played the better card. I appreciate his rage towards the later Final Fantasies, though.

Considering the Half Life screenshot was from Half Life 2, Nick could have bent the rules a bit and easily won over that hokey Square nonsense.

Kessler's argument kind of confused me this round. Does FFVII make people cry because it ruined the series, or because of what happens in the story?

How come Kessler has a libido vs other interns but is the whipping boy for the GB staff?

Kessler will take over Whiskey Media one day.

edit: Parappa the Rappa was one of the only games that my non-gamer friends could get into. Kessler wins.

Matt drew the winning card, but made the loosing argument.  On the other hand, I have never cried when cutting onions, so Nick's argument fails as well.  Winner defaults to FF7 for being the factual winner.

I'd say more but this site is so laggy and broken with firefox that I'm still waiting for what I typed here to appear on the screen.

People still are hung up on Aerith dying in FF7. There's no contest. Kessler's argument was mostly nonsense; if were to argue that FF7's success changed the series forever, that'd work.

Dammit, as good as Nick's argument was... I have to go with Kessler again!

GG Kessler 3-0 ezpz

I have friends that still get bummed about Aeris. I have friends who don't even play video games who still get bummed about Aeris.

Kessler won, no matter which card Nick wanted to eliminate. If Nick wanted to debate over which would make a better novel, BAM. Kessler plays ME for it's rich fiction and the fact that there ALREADY ARE novels. If Nick wanted to go about crying, Kessler plays FFVII. I'm surprised this one was as close as it was - mostly for Nick's onion defense.

@Icicle7x3 said:

Kessler, all you had to do was say 2 words and then walk out of the room.

This is what I was thinking, and actually expecting him to do. "Aeris dies." *drops his cards*

Kessler wins that one with the death of Aeris. It was one of the first moments from a game I ever remember getting any real emotional response out of a large number of players. Parappa on the other hand was quirky and fun, but it never ever drove me to tears.

While Nick had a better argument with this one than the others (and possibly could have sealed the deal if it had been Incredible Crisis instead), I have to give my vote to Kessler for simply having the right card at the right time.

Kinda hard to argue against FF7, Nick made some good points for The Rapper but come on...FF7 is just the ace of such a question.

I think you should go from 2min on the clock to 80s. This would force you to deal with stress and time management, which should make the presentation more dynamic and interesting.

While FF7 is clearly the correct choice for the question, Nick did a better job of presenting his case.

What I would have liked to see is Kessler breaking down and just sobbing for two minutes muttering "Aeris died man! Why?"

Parappa the Rapper is in front of me right now and I'm crying. Besides, who has ever heard of the Final Fantasy Series???

Kessler wins with this.

I'm siding with Ben, but not because Parappa made me cry. It's because FFVII didn't make me cry. When I came to that *insert old spoiler here*, I had literally just found out as she *insert spoiler action denoting Aeris bit the big one here* that my step-grand father had died. Says something that I didn't cry regarding either of those events, but that's because one of them was someone I didn't emotionally connect to and the other was a video game character.

While FFVII is probably the correct answer, Nick's argument was better. I vote for Nick on this one.

Kessler, what happened? Your arguments up until now had been so good. Did you actually play FFVII? I still vote for you though because I guess I just have a hard time believing anyone has ever cried over Parappa.

Easy answer is Kessler, but Matt made the better argument in my opinion, and Parrapa the Rappa kicked my ass back in the day.

I don't see how FF7 made Jrpg's stagnant. How did it made final Fantasy 12 and 13 suck? While I don't really love 12, anyone could tell you takes far more inspiration from Final Fantasy Tactics than FF7. 13 I can see the influence from FF7 but I haven't played 13 so I can't really be the judge. 
The only thing that I would say is that bad about FF7 is that cloud is just kind of a goofy morose guy and maybe the artstyle, thats when Nomura took over for art and added zippers and belts everywhere. I feel like since 7 Jrpg's haven't really tried to emulate 7 as much as you would think, so how did it make things stagnant?

Nick wins. Can't argue with onions.

Kessler had it. It should of been an easy win for him but Nick wins this round. But FF7 has made many people cry, this is a fact.