Right now I'm sitting in a rented apartment in San Francisco. It's sunny outside, there's baseball on the TV and I'm on a laptop trying my best to sum up what fucked up set of events landed me here. I'm also reminding myself of how bad I am at creative writing.

I arrived in San Francisco yesterday where I'm staying for about a month to work alongside the US video team in the run-up to E3. Back in 2005 when I used to stay up until midnight to watch On The Spot, I dreamed of another life where I could work in the GameSpot HQ, and be as good at talking about games as the people inside that 640 x 480 frame. I'm not sure if ever really thought it was a possibility. In fact, I'm sure it was just a pipe dream.

I'm sitting here, thinking about the past five years of work to get here, and the only emotion I have to describe this situation is bafflement. I am fucking baffled that I am sitting here.

I'm baffled that that super-green, idiot kid managed to get this done. I'm baffled that all those people took a risk with me and gave me opportunities. I'm baffled that my fiancé moved to the UK with me so I could try get a job in the industry, and then allowed me to live in a different country for another two years once I did. I'm baffled that anybody watches my videos at all. That my Irish accent carries, that my opinion of games matters, that my jokes are funny. I'm baffled that my professional heroes, the men and women who inspired me to try this line of work, actually know who the fuck I am. And that some of them even like me?!

But the most baffling part is that I'm not even the least bit anxious about tomorrow. I've been waiting years to work with the people inside that building, and sitting here with the baseball on, and the sun outside - it's like some strange version of Christmas Eve. Where on Christmas Day you work like a horse to collaborate with talented people to create amazing videos about fucking video games. I cannot wait.

Before posting this, I just spent a few minutes reading my old blogs and I spotted something. Tomorrow, the first day I walk into that office, is 3 hours shy of being exactly 7 years from my first blog post on GameSpot.

Baffling.