Aww, that was a sad read, though I can relate more than I care to admit. I got in ruts where I'd want to do something then hear that voice and listen to it, much like you described. I found the best thing that worked for me (once I decided I was tired of staying in that cycle) was telling that voice that to shut the hell up and stop being so self-destructive. If it kept trying to "speak" I kept interrupting and telling it to shut up. It got to the point I'd start smirking when I heard it creeping into my thoughts and telling it "I see you there. Get lost." It still tries showing up even now and I actually even let it in again for awhile. Seems like it's a never-ending fight.
Yeah, having conversations with different facets of myself in my mind makes me insane, I suppose, but I've never claimed to be a normal member of society -- nor would I ever want to be "normal". That'd be so boring.
Only you can pull yourself out of that cycle. Others can offer advice and support, but you hafta make the decision to change. If you're happy with how things are (though it doesn't sound like it), then that's cool and all the power to you. I'm always here to talk about this sorta stuff if ya need someone to talk to (though I've been slackin' on checking my inbox this weekend, but attempting to remedy that!)
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