A Terrific Nightmare

By lordofultima December 20, 2008 20 Comments

So, I had one of the most elaborate dreams when I was sleeping this morning, and I feel so inclined to share it with you for a few reasons: I don't usually remember my dreams in this detail, or at least they don't seem to go on this long. Also, it somehow made a lot more contextual sense than Puff the Magic Dragon trying to kill me in my Grandma's house, or Bruce Willis chasing me around my backyard with a pistol (with me emphatically screaming "Why would you do this Bruce?! I love Die Hard!") This might go on a little long, but maybe this will let you delve into my mind for a moment.

So, the dream somehow starts out with me and a large group of people being captured "Las Plagas Resident Evil 4 style" from unseen forces. (I never actually see whoever does this) Anyway. The group of people seems to consist of mostly males, and them seem to be faceless, or at least random faces from High School that I just can't recall enough. Life sort of becomes average and routine for us, despite us being, you know, in danger. Speaking of danger, on most nights the house that we're held in gets attacked by something, at which point we have to lock all the doors and windows, and maybe push a cabinet up against them. This seems to make whatever it is lose interest and go back to monster-land.

Somehow, the next day there's some big event outside the house, in this event we can actually go outside without fear. There's some news crews there, and apparently they're going to film us bungie-jumping from helicopters. We play it cool, because for some reason we feel our captives watching everything we do. I respectfully decline, much to the disdain of my peers. They give me some silent nudges, and pretty sharp stares, but I don't think anything of it, and go back inside with the couple other guys who also refused.

The dudes decide to throw a party while everyone is away -- bungie-jumping from helicopters -- but instead of actually throwing the party they all immediately go to sleep like old ladies. How can you throw a party when you're sleeping? Whatever dude. I proceed to party myself, creating a large pile of dishes and bottles of various substances.

So after a while I begin to ponder my situation -- where did all those people go, it's getting dark outside. OH MAN, why didn't I go bungie-jumping from those helicopters, they probably had some master plan to escape! Man I'm an idiot. Night falls, and two people return to the house. One is my ex-girlfriend, and with her another lady friend. She's brought home an smorgasbord of chinese takout, which I don't know what to do with, so I throw it all in the garbage (at which point it has to be a nightmare, what a waste of chinese takeout). Michelle (ex) then goes up stairs and lays down in bed with a giant storybook, with her "roomie" holding the other half and laying beside her (much like real life).

I shake my head and head back down the stairs, and I start doing all those dishes -- Michelle comes down the stairs to lend a helping hand. I notice the back door is swung open, and I go over to shut it, only to see WHATEVER it is that is terrifying me the entire dream. I slam the backdoor shut, and with the power of greyskull I successfully deadbolt the door, despite that super-powerful force pushing up against it. I yell at Michelle to lock all the doors and windows, and close the blinds. I start pushing cabinets up against the windows again (figures). Michelle has the gull to complain about how the window locks are upside-down, and that she usually has to lock them by pulling the latch up, but in this case you had to pull them down. There is a horrible / frightening / irritating / screeching noise this entire time, by the way.

She makes the observation that the noise is actually coming from inside the house, apparently upstairs. (this is where it gets weird) My cat Pika walks down the stairs, and the noise suddenly stops, and my mom, who my ex-girlfriend must have turned into without my knowledge or without me caring, says, "There you are, Pika!" There is an ounce of relief at this moment, but only an ounce. My cat just stands there staring at the wall for a moment, then starts twisting her head around, eventually making it more than 360 degrees. Eventually, her little kitty neck snaps, and my mom begins screaming. I collapse to the ground, and essentially give up, and just tell the evil forces to kill me.

All of a sudden, I'm in a bunch of pain, and feel a strange falling sensation -- as if I jumped off the tallest cliff in the world, and had time to think about my rash decision. I wake up.

Dude, what?

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