I turned 20 today and was planning to hang out with my two best friends. But for some reason it never happened and I ended up hanging out with some annoying people who all have the same annoying mannerisms and stale "your mom" jokes.

Also I called my grandmother today and she didn't recognize me and hung up thinking I was a prank caller.

Tomorrow should be better. I'm seeing an old friend and we're going to Austin, TX.

I need to do better this year. I hate new year's resolutions so this more of a correction of past mistakes.

This last semester in college I did pretty bad. In my algebra class I made A's on all the tests but never did any homework because I thought I was too good. I ended up making a B in the class. I also made a C in SPEECH. Next semester I have to make all A's or else I lose a $6000 scholarship. I know I can do it, but damn, it's gonna be hard.

To do this I can't waste any time. I can't stay up really late playing video games. I have 8 AM classes everyday so I'll need my sleep. I'm also taking 18 hours so my social time will be restricted as well.

With less time for social interaction, I'll need to make the time I do have count. I've been arrogant in my dealings with other people too. I've always thought that other people have to like me because I'm so cool. This is wrong. Instead I need to be more sincere and kind toward others. And if I'm going to get a girlfriend I need to be more careful how I act and but still move forward in my relationships.

I hope I'm able to make the necessary changes in order to have a better time at college. (and stay at college)

When I woke up this morning I felt like shit. And yes I did get drunk last night but that's not the only reason.

1. 4 beers and a glass of champagne.
2. I smoked a really strong cigar last night that I could still taste in my mouth this morning.
3. My neighbors started a fire in their back yard and later starting burning treated fence wood which I'm sure I breathed some smoke in.
4. I slept at my friend's house which probably has a ton of toxins because his parents smoke, they have 5 cats, it smells like mold, and it's generally just really dirty. My friend says he feels like shit when he wakes up everyday, so I think that might be the case.
5. I only got 4 hours of sleep and for some reason skipped out on a nap this afternoon.

Apparently it's happened to Zune 30's everywhere. But still, it pisses me off.

Last night I went to a party. It was fun. But I paid for that fun dearly.

Before I left I made the mistake of telling my parents I was going to this girl's party. Since I'm 20 I didn't think they would care that her parents wouldn't be home but they did. Somehow my parents found out there was alcohol at this party and instead of telling me to come home, they called her parents to ask if they knew this girl was having a party with underage drinking.

Meanwhile I was having a great time getting really drunk and talking to hot chicks. But my friend's roommate was causing a lot of trouble. He was trying to start fights and he woke up the girl's little brother who was sleeping upstairs. He also walked in on a girl in the bathroom with his penis already out of his pants.

So about 2 AM the girl having the party made me, my friend and his roommate leave. Then she called me about 30 minutes later to inform me that my parents had called her parents and she blamed me for fucking up her party.

I feel really terrible about the whole thing. Everyone at the party blames us three for fucking shit up. And today I had a mild hangover which didn't help. Also as we were driving to the party, my friend got pulled over for driving on the wrong side of the road.

Wow my life has changed directions. So much has happened my first semester at college. My first thought involves my changed interaction with girls. Many different factors have played upon me. I'm meeting girls that I find myself liking even though they are definitely not the girls I always imagined myself marrying. Except for one, whom some of you know. Other girls I meet are not especially pretty and not very thin. I am conflicted in this area.

The other aspect involves my discovery of marijuana. Part of my wishes I had discovered this in high school. It would have made things a lot better. The other part of me realizes this could become a problem. I've already smoked alone, which they say is a large step toward become a pothead. I don't want this to control me and like alcohol, it should not be overused.

Only I can truly appreciate the changes in me. One year ago I was a completely different person. I hope I've changed for the better.

Here's a list of things I want to do this Christmas break. I'll update it as I think of more.

1. Play piano
2. Watch Lord of the Rings
3. Watch Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
4. Play Guitar Hero
5. Play Gears of War
6. Go to Frank'n'Steins grill for 1/2 price wings on Monday
7. Watch Pineapple Express
8. Make and eat cranberry scones
9. Find a Gandalf Pipe
10. Buy my sister a Christmas present.
11. Watch Christmas movies.
12. Watch the Marx Brothers movies
13. Possibly Cracker Barrel
14. Go to Starbucks or La Madeleine
15. Watch HAARP and listen to other music.
16. Buy some girl jeans.

I don't know what to say. Perhaps writing about it will help me mentally sort things out.

It's thanksgiving break and I had been away at college this fall. This is the first time I've come home since the start of term. At first I was really looking forward to it but within an hour things had returned to the same old bullshit. Everything was too familiar. It was as if I had never left. I wanted to come home and things be different but almost immediately a conflict arose between me and my parents. Why do they stress me out so much? Why does my hometown feel so suffocating?



The next part I've already done a lot of thinking about and am only going to run down the basics for future reference.

There's a girl named Mary that I kind of like. I think she likes me because she's always hugging and touching me. But I could never see myself being with her. She's just too different from me. I don't know whether to ignore these feelings or pursue this relationship. She's not thin and she's average looking. Why am I attracted to her? Dammit! Who's in charge here? The analytical side of me or my penis?

Then there's Kelly. She's really one of my best friends. She's kind, caring, fun, exciting. She's also incredibly beautiful. Girls like her are very rare indeed. Even other people agree she's one of a kind. I know we are great friends but I doubt she feels the way I feel about her. I've decided to not put pressure on this situation and simply enjoy her friendship.

I musn't lose her friendship in pursuing her love, for after all, friendship is love.




In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:6)