I swear i'm cursed. It seems like every day is a fight for survival.

Take today for instance...

My car gets rear ended and we almost flipped on the freeway. I WASNT WEARING A SEAT BELT AND WE ALMOST FUCKING FLIPPED.

Though this may sound like some unlucky coincidence or whatever this type of stuff happens to me all the time.

Do you know how many times I have almost died throughout my short life? 10 times at least and this is really an understatement.

When I was a baby I was dropped by my aunt who happened to be walking down a large flight of stairs. I rolled all the way down.

When I was a toddler my dumb ass stoner cousins caught my grandmas house on fire and I was left in the burning house. I was saved by my father who remembered me just before it was too late.

I'm 7 years old. My parents and my uncle decide to take me to the beach and leave me on a floaty. The tide pulls me out and a FUCKING lifeguard has to step in to save me.. I was that far out.

I'm 10 years old. I'm at a neighborhood BBQ. Me and a friend jump in the deep side of the pool. My friend forgot to mention that he couldn't swim. He almost drowns me in an attempt to use me as a human floating device which worked very well for him. I was saved again by my father.

I'm 12 years old. I start to notice a very painful type of shocking jolt feeling in my back. After a few months of horrid pain I go to the ER to find out that I have this very rare and deadly (but easily treatable) disease known as Scarlet Fever. I was told if I waited any longer I would probably be dead.

I'm 15 years old. I'm riding in the backseat of my car with my sibling. We get rear ended and the other dudes car catches on fire. We barely make it out before both cars catch on fire.

I'm 16 years old. My mom is driving while i'm in the passenger seat. We make a right turn just before the light turns red. A dude who sees a green light from about 100 feet away continues to drive at a fast speed. He slams into my door almost killing me in the process.

I'm 18 years old. All my relationships end badly. I keep losing my job for indirect reasons (not my fault), My family for the most part is slowly falling apart, my friends are all fake... ALL OF THEM. I have not one true friend. I'm always finding myself in strange and or dangerous situations (robbings, homeless people trying to rape me), and I am always almost dying (getting run over, robbed, almost raped by the homeless, electrocuted by the toaster oven for sticking a fork in it). This isn't even everything.... There is a shit ton more I can provide, but you get the idea. I am fucking cursed by gypsies of something.

So yeah.. this is me asking you for help because Yahoo Answers only made me feel insecure about myself. Seriously... they are so mean. I mean.. you guys are pretty assey sometimes, but they are EVIL. Anyways..

Can anyone give my some advice on how to lift this curse? And please for the love of Edur don't you dare fucking tell me that there is no such thing and that i'm crazy and or paranoid. Someone, somewhere knows the answer and hopefully that someone is here...

Call a Voodoo duder.

Why the hell weren't you wearing your seat belt?

It's not a curse and you're just really unlucky. Don't live to believe that your life is cursed or else it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Start living for yourself and doing your own thing? Start carving your own path in life. As for the whole car thing: ride a bike/take public transportation.

@OllyOxenFree said:

Why the hell weren't you wearing your seat belt?

seriously. Those seat belt laws aren't just dumb and silly laws you know.

also if you are legit almost getting raped and shit as often as you say, I would get the fuck out of your neighborhood ASAP.

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

Motherfucker, you are the goddamn highlander! Turn your outlook around: The world is pissed because you're too much of a badass. Chop its head off with a sword*!

--

*Do not actually chop anything with a sword unless supervised by a trained professional.

How do you know you're not immortal? Nature might be trying to tell you about it.

Also, anybody could be immortal, and we can't prove they're not until they die. Bit o' mindblow for the stoners out there.

Where are you going that puts you in these situations? My advise is to stay out of the bad neighbourhoods you keep getting robbed and nearly raped in. Also, you should always wear a seatbelt in a car, didn't your mother teach you that? From the sounds of it you're lucky to be alive, maybe be thankful for that?

If your friends suck, look for ways of finding new friends. I can't give you any advise about the family, that sucks man, my condolences.

Wear your seat belt

Stay at home and never, ever leave.

Then die while trying to fit through the front door for the first time in twenty years.

Or just, y'know, wear your seat belt.

Yahoo Answers only made me feel insecure about myself

I only go to Yahoo Answers for one reason.

The stupidity.

Homeless people trying to rape you!? That's fucked up!

look at this from a positive perspective, you seem pretty indestructible to me...

and for driving, i understand the other people hit you, but it's also you're job to watch out for other cars to make sure they don't hit you

try to start being a little more cautious in life, and open your horizons to meet new friends that aren't fake

That bit of gtting rear ended and you not wearing a seat belt was your own prerogative so you should have known better. Also don't try to rationalize the fact that you weren't adhering to safety precautions by also sharing your previous near death experiences and thus, also coming to the conclusion that you are unlucky. Just keep trucking along and next time just be sure to do the obvious stuff like wearing your seat belt, and be aware of your surroundings as well as your current situation and it also helps to use your common sense. We often tend to forget that and sometimes get complacent and thus we end up in bad situations. Also stop focusing on what happened to you before. Those things already happened so really there is no use for you explaining it to everybody. Looking for answers from some one else in this forum about your existential crisis isn't going to help either. Your probably old enough to make your own decisions. Also saying that it isn't your fault when no one here is accusing you of being in those bad situations in the first place makes it seem that you are trying to put the blame on every external factor. Use your head and keep on living your life and also being productive. Dwelling in this thought of being unlucky or cused will get you nowhere.

@believer258 said:

Stay at home and never, ever leave.

It's what I would advise, and what I practice.

Use a seatbelt, moron.

Bad Luck NIGHTCRAWLER

@OllyOxenFree said:

Why the hell weren't you wearing your seat belt?

This. Holy shit. I've been in a truck that was rear-ended, and I would have probably launched out the windshield if I didn't have the seatbelt on.

I hope I hear MBMBaM read your question on the next episode... Also, use a seat belt. Almost dying sucks, but as long as you are not dying no reason to be down about it.

@OllyOxenFree said:

Why the hell weren't you wearing your seat belt?

This.

Seriously, the stuff you write about is spaced years apart (everyone has horror stories - it's life, deal with it), it happened to other people (the kid drowning was probably have a worse time then you to be fair), is common as hell (car crashes that you walk away from? happens everyday) or is because you neighborhood is shit. Wearing a fucking seat belt and take control of your life.

Also, Yahoo! Answers for help? That's like asking a crack whore for relationship advice.

...

I heard some kids in Darfur have it pretty bad. Maybe they're cursed too? :\

@NlGHTCRAWLER: Cursed? You should consider yourself lucky. Some of us -actually- get hurt in those kinds of accidents, and some of us really do get raped. Some of us are severely ill or disabled. Not because we're cursed, but because that's life. You just learn to deal with it and face the obstacles set before you.

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

I WASNT WEARING A SEAT BELT AND WE ALMOST FUCKING FLIPPED.

Weird, I wasn't wearing a condom and I almost got my (theoretical) girlfriend pregnant.

Anyway, near-death isn't that uncommon. I cut my foot on a fern in the fucking jungle in the Philippines and got some crazy jungle-rot that could have cost me my foot. I didn't wear my bike helmet on one day, and that's the day I got clipped by a car and bashed my head on the sidewalk. I also got swept out in the riptide in New Zealand and had to swim my god-damn ass off to get to saftey. It happens to a lot of us- in the end though, you're fucking fine- and you're gonna be fine. Did you hear about Seth McFarline's story? He got super drunk on a business trip and missed his flight, that plane was one of the hyjacked planes that hit the twin towers. You're lucky- don't waste your life worrying about 'why you'.

...and on that note, I should probably bumb the 'drunk thread', because i'm more-than-slightly wasted.

Yo, did you ever see that movie Final Destination?

No offense man..... But it looks like Odin hates you.

You stuck a fork in the toaster? Really?

@OllyOxenFree said:

Why the hell weren't you wearing your seat belt?

Kill yourself, then your next of kin or some other loved one gets this curse that you made up

@NlGHTCRAWLER: You are Lara Croft, and I want to protect you.

You went from 7 years old to 18 years old while writing this thread? Dude, you're going to die soon . . dude, you're dead.

@NlGHTCRAWLER: Moral of the story: Wear your fucking seatbelt.

At least your life is very eventful. If I had those things happen to me it would probably make me appreciate life more since everyday of my life is almost exactly the same routine. And It could only get worse when college starts soon. My only advise would be to try and live everyday as if it was your only day. Oh and leave your friends or whatever they are if they are just annoying you. Nerds tend to be the most down to earth people, from experience anyway.

Maybe you should consider yourself extremely lucky and not cursed? Gives a more positive outlook on things...you sound just like that character from the movie Unbreakable.

@NlGHTCRAWLER: External locus of control. Look it up.

You sound quite fortunate to survive all of those things to me.

OP your name doesn't happen to be Brian, does it?

@Hizang said:

@OllyOxenFree said:

Why the hell weren't you wearing your seat belt?

PLEASE, ALWAYS WEAR YOUR SEAT BELT!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like you put yourself in a lot of these situations. Not saying I got all the answers, but here's some hopefully helpful suggestions:

1. Maybe wear a fucking seat belt?
2. Maybe don't put a fucking fork in a toaster?
3. Maybe don't hang around rapey homeless dudes?
4. Maybe don't wait several fucking months before seeing a doctor about your deadly disease?

But I do hope everything works out, dude. You're eighteen now. You have zero obligations, no cool friends or a girlfriend keeping you from getting the fuck out of the Murderville you currently inhabit. Maybe a change of scenery might do you good.

• You seem like a dumbass for not wearing a seat belt and for sticking forks in toaster ovens.
• Also, you parents and uncle seem like irresponsible dumbasses who leave their own child behind in a burning building or send him out to sea on a floaty.
• Your aunt is a dumbass for dropping you down a flight of stairs.
• Come to think of it, this might be the reason that you're a dumbass right now.
• Your cousins are dumbasses for setting fire to a house with a blunt.
• Your friend is a dumbass for jumping into a pool without knowing how to swim.

Ergo, you come from a family rife with stupidity. If you feel that is somehow a curse, I suggest you cut ties with them.

To reiterate what others have said, use the damn seatbelt, genius.

You stuck a fork in the toaster? Really?

Obviously god is trying to kill.TAKE A FUCKING HINT!

or, your living in one of the final destination movies.

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

My car gets rear ended and we almost flipped on the freeway. I WASNT WEARING A SEAT BELT AND WE ALMOST FUCKING FLIPPED.

I stopped reading here. Not wearing a seatbelt is not a coincidence, it's you being an absolute tard.

That fact that you weren't wearing a seatbelt may indicate a more general carelessness that is responsible for your misfortunes.

@Animasta said:

@OllyOxenFree said:

Why the hell weren't you wearing your seat belt?

seriously. Those seat belt laws aren't just dumb and silly laws you know.

also if you are legit almost getting raped and shit as often as you say, I would get the fuck out of your neighborhood ASAP.

Or something to defend yourself with.

Someone must be writing in their Deathnote. Any one get that?

Yeah, everyone has horror stories. I've almost died 10 times this week, just stop thinking about it. You're 18, most of your relationships are going to end because you and most girls are too stupid to handle commitment and that's the age were everyone learns how to handle the opposite sex. If I were you, I'd use a seatbelt and purchase a concealed carry.

My overall suggestion at making your life better is to stop thinking. You think way too much.

Ok guys. I read every post whether they were filled with actual advice or just insults.

1.) I usually wear my seat belt. I don't actively ride out thinking "I think i'm going to live on the edge today and not wear my seat belt and get rear ended". It was a mistake on my part, and I hope I continue to have the same sense of awareness that I have now.

2.) Yes I am stupid and so are the members of my family. With that out of the way, I refuse to believe that is the reason why these things happen to me. Sure it probably wasn't such a great idea to stick a fork in the toaster or to not wear a seat belt, but the fact of the matter is i'm not a very bright dude. I forget things and i' very impulsive at times. When I get angry at toaster levers for not staying down, I stick forks in them. Most of my life "occurrences" were influenced by things and or people around me.

3.) My name is not Brian whoever asked.

4.) I am not immortal and Death is not after me. At least I don't think so....

5.) Internal/External locusts is a very interesting concept. Maybe I need to take better control of my life. Even if it is only an illusion.

6.) Thanks for taking the time to leave any advice, condolences or insults.

I was kind of disappointed that no one left some gypsy curse advice. Anything mystical or whatever would have been nice, but maybe there is no such thing and I am overreacting. I was just curious if anything, I guess.

I think you're on the right track with taking control of your own life and being more attentive. But if you feel that this advice isn't enough, and you need some more guidance, be sure to ask the experts. Well, the McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed, but you should probably ask them anyways.