To Ryan. I never met you, but I loved you.

When I first got the news I couldn't really believe it.

I was actually on the bathroom, using my phone to check my twitter and I saw Alex's tweet regarding Ryan's death. I was shocked. I was not alone in the house so it was all I could do not to scream out of my lungs, I just kept uttering the word "No" over and over, as the grief came upon me, denial was setting in.

I actually couldn't believe Ryan was gone. It was such an alien thought, such an absurdity that my mind refused to accept it. I think that, at the same time I feel so close to the Giant Bomb crew - from spending so much with them - that I actually consider them my "friends", it was this sort of an "ethereal" relationship. It felt like they were immortal, a constant.

And, in a way, they have been. So much has changed in my life since I started following Giant Bomb, but they were always the same, always a constant. I went through some rough emotional times and the fact that they were always there to make me laugh, forget a little about the things that were troubling me, was so meaningful to me. I always had somewhere to run away to.

I don't think I actually got to the anger stage, I kinda jumped directly to depression. I usually have a lot of trouble crying, but I cried so many times today. The funny thing is that those tears gave place to smiles, laughter and back to tears again. Today I truly had an emotional rollercoaster. Going from seeing everyone else reacting so strongly to this - Jeff's tweet about the situation (link) and Johnny V's last picture with Ryan were specially powerful to me (link) - and, at the same time, reminiscing some of Ryan's greatest moments has been a very wild ride.

It feels weird. Crying over the death of someone you've never exchanged a word in your life. I guess this is the toughest part of it, there is no one "in the real world" to share this pain with. No one that will understand how fucking shitty and sad I feel right now. The community response though is amazing to watch. Not only here on the site but all over the internet, it's beautiful to see how fondly everyone remembers Ryan and how sorely he'll be missed.

In the end, I'm grateful for the whole Giant Bomb crew, for what they do, for the countless hours of entertainment, joy and laughter they've brought to me over the years. I fear for the future, now that my constant has been so hardly shaken, but I love you guys, and I hope to watch/listen you for a long long time. I'll keep this hanging on my room for a while.

My "half-mast" flag

Good bye, Mr. Davis. It's been one hell of a ride.


My Top 10 games of 2010!

It's that time of the year again, when we have no games to play and choose which ones were our favorites of the year. So, here's my top 10 games of 2010! Hope you guys like it and, please, comment away!  Btw, I believe this is my first blog ever. =x

Best of 2010

This are my top 10 games of 2010. Be reminded that I don't own a PS3 or a Wii, and just got a new PC (the one I had before was awful). So it's a strictly Xbox 360 list.

1. Mass Effect 2

Definetly one of the best games I have ever played. It has everything, great story, amazing characters, fantastic gameplay and gorgeous graphics. A true master piece.

2. Red Dead Redemption

And Rockstar delivers... again. The best western game, for sure. With an expansive and greatly immersive world, populated by great characters and a lot of wild life, RDR is one of the few sandboxes that creates a believable world.

3. Battlefield: Bad Company 2

Best multiplayer of the year PERIOD.

4. Sid Meier's Civilization V

What's to be said that hasn't been said before? Civ 5 got me by the throat e didn't let me go for some good 18 hours. Even though I kinda stopped playing it, I'm pretty confident I'll be coming back sooner than later.

5. Super Meat Boy

God I hate this game. No, I'm not kidding, I hate it. But it's still totally awesome.

6. Alan Wake

Alan Wake is a very moody game. Few games stabilish such great atmosphere. It's kinda tragic, even though this is a great game, it didn't actually sell that much. I guess after such a long time since it was announced there was just no way it could live up to the expectations.

7. Darksiders

A very pleasant surprise, Darksiders is an awesome Zelda like game. With a great art style provided by Joe Madureira that really delivers a beautiful, yet brutal, game.

8. Monday Night Combat

Also a great surprise, MNC has great multiplayer and a very charming presentation. Add to that solid multiplayer and gameplay and you end up with a pretty good game. Too bad XBLAs rarely mantain a big community.

9. Fable III

I'm a sucker for the Fable series. Despite it's flaws, an there is a good amount of them, Fable III is a great game. The style as charming as the series have always been (And this time your character actually talks! Which is a great advance), the humor is also that. The gameplay is basically the same as Fable II with a few minor tweaks which, for me, means it's just fun.

10. Fallout: New Vegas

This game probably deserves a higher spot in this list but I didn't get to play a whole lot of it. I played for about 10 hours in a friend's house and really enjoyed it, looking forward to buying as I am sure it will be nothing short of great.