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Rejizzle

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List of things Koji Igarashi should do now that Bloodstained is done

In 2014, Game Developer Koji Igarashi made the bold step to leave Konami and create his own independent game studio. This venture bore fruit this past year with the release of Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night, the game best played on Switch if it played at all well on Switch.

I still haven't played Bloodstained, but as a fan of his previous work who refuses to give hard working developers even a second to relax, I can't help but wonder what Iga (as he is affectionately referred to as by gamers) will do next. Join me if you will, as I outline some of the most likely future scenarios for this acclaimed game maker.

List items

  • 1. Work with Gamefreak to make Pokémon Whip

    People joke about Pokémon Gun being the next entry in the franchise. Sure, haha, very funny. But seriously people, Pokémon Whip.

    Imagine the possibilities: Pokémon dogsleds, Pokémon ringmasters, Pokémon dominatrices, generally oppressive Pokémon taskmasters. Really, the list of new types of gameplay are endless, and I can imagine no better person to help develop this game than the whipmaster himself: Koji Igarashi.

    Poplio in particular would be perfect for a bleak, Dumbo-esque Pokémon circus.

  • 2. Become a full-time Whip Guy

    I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t entirely know what comprises a Whip Guy, nor am I certain what one must do to be considered a Whip Guy. However, there is not a doubt in my mind that Koji Igarashi is a Whip Guy.

    But imagine how much more of a Whip Guy he could be if he devoted all his time to it! Sure, this 30+ year foray into game development bore some fruit, but how many innovations in whip technique and technology were lost? Too many if you ask me.

  • 3. Return to his roots in game development.

    But, if Igarashi is content being merely one of the most respected game developers of all time, then I think that he should return to his roots. That’s right, writing scenarios for dating sims! Dating sims have never been hotter in the west, mostly because they were never localized before, but never hotter nevertheless.

    Metroidvanias are dumb. What even is a Metroidvania? Is Metroid a Metroidvania? No? What are we even doing here?! Dating sim, is that a game that simulates dating? It is you say? That makes a lot of sense, that’s a good naming convention!

    TLDR; Koji Igarashi should make a “not”-Tokimeki Memorial before Konami turns the franchise into a pachinko machine.

  • 4.

    So, I had three jokes, and assumed I would think of more as I wrote them; however, I did not. But in all seriousness, Iga should do whatever he wants. He’s earned it.

  • 5. I thought of a fourth joke. Here it goes.

    Wait… no, I lost it. Feel free to add your own in the comments though.
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