Here we go then.

This game has one of the weirdest character creators I have ever seen. It has tons and tons of buttons to change every single thing about the face of your character, but whatever you try to do, it still looks ugly.

After you've picked a gender, you get a gender slider.

So you can choose how male or how female do you want your male or female character to be. Weird.

After making myself a 100% male, 100% ugly character I could start the game. The intro cinematic told me about the evil force that has to be stopped and how the whole world is messed up because it hasn't been stopped. And off I went.

The tutorial level taught me very quickly that this is no hack&slash. If you run towards your enemy and mash the attack button, you'll go down in 2 seconds. The game forces you to pay attention and keep your shield up.

After a  bunch of generic enemies and instructions about dodging, I got this:


Meet the Vanguard. He waved his axe in my general direction and since the room was small and I was too shocked to do something about it, he hit me, and I died.

Then a cutscene started and the game went on. That was apparently a fight you were supposed to lose. The game then introduced me to the hub and to the NPC characters. There's a blacksmith dude and an item storage dude.

Noted.

So off I went to the first level.

Hey, this doesn't seem that hard. I'm walking from room to room and there are enemies there, and as long as I stay away until they attack, and then rush in and cut them down, I should be fine.

Wait what's this. This seems to be some sort of a tougher enemy. No problem. I'll just stay away until he attacks and then rus...

I died.

When you die in Demon's Souls, you restart from the beginning of the level and lose all the souls you've gathered (Souls are basically money) You can get your souls back if you reach the point where you died and touch the bloodspot you left, but if you die on the way there, the souls are gone for good.

I quickly made my way back without much trouble at all, and killed the tougher enemy by staying the hell away and using long range magic.

And then some more easy enemies.

And then a lever.

I pulled the lever, and a huge door opened near the beginning of the level which led to a boss fight. The fight was against a huge turd monster, which totally made it feel like the game was laughing at me.

Well, the turd was tough

It was covered by several smaller turd monsters, which acted as a shield.

I tried attacking it and died instantly.

I had to start from the beginning, but since I had pulled the lever I got back to the boss immediately and reclaimed the souls.

Getting close to the turd was out of the question, so time for plan B, which was my ranged attack.

I ran away from it, shot it, and ran away from it again when it got too close.

I won.

...

It wasn't that hard...

Right then, back to the hub. A lady with a funny looking face told me that I can use all the souls I got to make my character stronger. I gave her all of my souls and got a longer life bar in return, and off I went to level 2.

Right then. Corridors. Generic easy enemies. A bridge.
A dragon. Flying across. Shooting fire at the bridge.

I died.

Attempt 2. I dashed across the bridge while touching my bloodspot in between to get my souls back and moved on.

Corridors. Easy enemies.

 ...and 4 dogs.

I was mauled to death.

Attempt 3.

Dragon. Dogs.
More dragon.
I died.

Attempt 4.

Dragon. Dogs. More dragon.
I dashed across the bridge.
Didn't make it.

Attempt 5

I made it across the bridge. The other side of the bridge was filled with all sorts of enemies of various toughness, but I couldn't fight them because that would involve me moving, but I can't move because a dragon is shooting fire everywhere right behind me.

I died.

Attempt 6

I made it across the bridge and didn't manage to get past the army at the other side because of my limited room for moving.

I'm done for today.
 
 
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