So, I’m browsing through past releases for the 360 trying to find something interesting that I may have overlooked when I happen upon this gem of a game:

This sucker will set you back the standard $59.99 for a 360 title. Some of its awesome features include:

• includes the likeness of the show’s characters
• you can have a “career” or just play mini-games
• has over 4,500 lines of dialogue

Ok, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the game’s target demographic but I can’t even see why fans of the show would want in on this shit-fest.

It is a game about CATCHING CRABS.

Ok, let’s think about this. If I was to design a game about catching crabs it would involve hookers or at the very least, some skanky sorority chicks. But let’s assume we’re actually catching the “great with butter” variety. What could you POSSIBLY do in such a game? Well, here’s a partial list:

• Walk on icy boat decks
• Drive the boat
• Sleep uncomfortably close to your fellow shipmates
• Simulate opening old cans of creamed corn for dinner
• Move cages off the boat
• Pull cages onto the boat
• Sell crabs
• Get hooked on Crystal Meth to curb the boredom (oh wait, that’s real life)

Sounds pretty compelling, eh?

*SPOILER ALERT* - Final Boss Revealed:

4,500 Lines of Dialogue. Oh Sweet Jesus - Make it stop!

What could these fuckers POSSIBLY have to say that takes up 4,500 lines of dialogue? Even stupid ass games like “Deer Hunter” and other WalMart craptacular titles don’t try that - they just do their stupid hunting simulation and that’s it. My only guess is that you will spend a lot of time discussing your friend Bob’s boyhood fascination with fish as phallic objects.

Probably while sleeping uneasily next to him.

Alone.

Because everyone knows…there’s nothing like talking while fishing for…THE DEADLIEST CATCH!

Note: This rant is brought to you by good clean fun. Please don't take it personally or be offended.