Red Ninja: End of Honor

Aaah... the stealthy and deadly ninja. Is there anything cooler then playing as one of these killers of the night and slitting throats without making a sound. Well after playing this game you might think that anything is cooler and more fun then playing as a ninja, especially a red ninja, and especially especially a ninja who looks like she belongs in a japanese whorehouse. Oh I'm sorry, I meant to say fancy geisha house (because we're in Japan).  Yet it's problably the sole reason anybody bought this game in the first place.
 
Ok, Story wise it's pretty average, but it tries to give a twist here and there. It's about some warlord's son who breaks alot of sticks and wants to use modern military hardware because he has some daddy-issues (who secretly dead or something). He enlists the aid of a nun, she and her students (Kurenai excluded) do jackshit in the game and let Kurenai (that's you btw) do all the dirty work,...actually all the work. The one brightspot in this bland cardboardflavor borefest are the origins of kurenai, which involves being hanged and using the hangmanrope later on as a weapon, Which reminds me alot of Guts gory origins from Beserk.
 
In the gameplaydepartment is where the game falls apart. Your main weapon is a kurenai (ninjaknife) attached to a string (a tetsugen or some gibberish like that), with which you can do all kind of attacks. Next to that you have all manner of ninja-ish gadgets to kill or distract your enemies, but most of them are worthless or even almost impossible to succesfully perform somehow (like the seducing, this is because of bad AI or everyone in ancient Japan was queer, I don´t know) and it is mostly easier and faster to kill them with your main weapon.  The same goes for the combo and tricks with your tetsugen, Ninja Gaiden this is not. While you have alot of attacks, only two or three are actually useful. One of the most prominent attacks featured in the promo's was that you could hang somebody with the wire, well good luck with that, you might do that once and never think of doing it again since you wasted 3 lives trying it the first time.
Next to combat you will also have to move through the environment in "prince of persia"-style acrobatics. Unfortunately the controls are like having sex for the first time+ it's awkward, you don't know what you are doing and it's "gameover" before you know it. Also, the camera just isn't interested in the epic story of Kurenai and falls asleep at the wheel way to often by not following the character in a way that is good for platforming. Though this poor platforming is prevalent thoughout the game, on two occassions your gameprogress will come to a crushing halt because of it, where you will most likely want to throw the game and the console at the TV, or at the developers at Vivendi. Levels that are responsible for these are almost sadistic in nature. 
 
When it comes to design, the game is pretty embarrasing in this regard as well. It tries to be an stealth game but drops that concept later on, but leaving the Metal gear solid AI with the enemy intact so that they all seem to suffer from a bad case of myopia. Except for the main linear quest there isn't much else to do in the game. But where the game´s design really kicks the player in the balls ,right after the platforming of course, are the bossfights whose difficulty curve will go from a hard fight, a hard fight with unholy platforming, a pathetically easy fight if you know how to use thumbs, to impossible unless you use combo's that are essentially not part of the normal combat repertoire. One fight in particular that made me want a hang myself on the doorknob with my own belt involved killing the boss before she kills your friend (you never cared about), ooh how I love how games that brutally force us to protect the innocent like a deranged gandhi.
 
Also there is no manual save............In an stealth game.........with very few checkpoints........ffing wonderfull $%^#%$.
 
Finally we come to the presentation. I'm reviewing this game from 2005 in 2011. While the character designs look okay, the rest of the game look either bland and forgettable or so bland that you don't know where you are going, in which case you'll problably won't forget the frustration it brings with it. For those who bought the game solely for the..ahem.. well detailed character of Kurenai on the boxart, do not fret. This game´s only aspect that is actually good (for certain people) is that he game will never shy away from puttin Kurenai's physicality on display like the Wonderfull Heroine Our Reality Embraces. Crotch and ass shots are abound, especially in the few ductcrawling sequences.
 
To conclude this raving subjectification of this game that where there is objectification of women, I can only say....try it.......... no really, try it. My Xbox broke during my playthough of this game and I want more people to suffer like I have.