You flinch, you DIE!!!
After falling asleep (or meditating in this case) for more then a decade, ninja gaiden returned for the microsoft's first xbox to bring back some of those old repressed memories of yelling at the TV when another eagle kills you.
Ninja gaiden is THE game where you WILL die alot, BUT....but almost every death WILL be your fault. Whether because you don't know how to focus or someone is bothering you from outside the game, it will almost never be because the game is unfair or cheating.
Okay let's get this fanfare on the road, first of the story. It's basically the tale (or gaiden) about our old hero Ryu Hayabusa, ninja extravaganza, to retrieve a evil dark dragon blade from the meanie samurai Dooku, using his wits, relfexes, power and *cough cough* stealth. Okay look, the story isn't going to excite many people and for most it's just in the way for the next bloodbath. It is as cliché as you expect, But is just fine, since it is obviously not the focus for the game. It does however introduce a couple of fun characters, like the darth vader-esque Doku (not to be confused with count Dooku) and the "well talented" Rachel. But overall the story is only a tad more complex than that of the original ninja gaiden for the NES.
Next up is design. the game is alot like zelda, in that is actually has a sorta hub world (or the city of Tairon) in this case where the player often returns to. It works well and the game often makes it clear where you are supposed to go, if you pay attention that is. This isn't the game where you just mindlessly hackey sack yourself through linear corridors, since not only do you sometimes have to backtrack, you also have to solve a couple of puzzle. Don't worry though since these are on the level of Zelda, if you took away all the guessing and even deductive thinking. Next up you can level up your weapons so they will not only do more damage but also give you more moves to perform, some of which are almost essential for succesfully playing this game, flying swallow and inzumi drop be damned. As a extra, a explorative ninja may find some golden scarabs right out of aladins movie, but instead of tranforming the desert into sheba, it will grant the player some new weapons and/or powerups. As for the rest of the game, it's pretty bare bones since the single player component is the only thing their, with no extras what so ever, except for a few forgettable unlockable costumes. Last but not least is the camera, which works like a good maverick and stays on target and doesn't fuck around with clipping issues and such.
Now let's cut into the GFX squishy innards and rip out that which is malign and which is benign. The game looked gorgeous for its time and still somewhat holds up after all these years. Coming off the dead or alive engine it boasts remarkably detailed characters, with cool slick design, especially for the *slebsleblsleb* ladies. the resolution and textures are just like a well performed kill, clean, sharp and no bulshitting. The environments are also not bad, though problably may not have aged well as the years went by. Highlights being the gravity defying bridge near the end of the game, which is one the behold.
So with all the superfluous organs of the game out of the way (of the ninja), let's talk about the one thing that made this game be remade so many times, the gameplay. It's fast, unforgiving, responsive, cutthroat, bloody, hacky-slashy, honest and fair fun. It is one of those games that walks the razoredge between easy and frustratingly hard and unfair. The name of the game is DODGE!!! blocking is for pussies who want to crawl back into their mother's birthcanal. Those special-needs-gamers who think they can get away with buttonmashing will know the way of the ninja is knowing what fuck your doing quite quickly. It is also very historically accurate depiction of the shinobi, whom as we all know, never used stealth and went head on into battle fighting dinosaurs with swords that would make cloud strife blush. Cause why in the living fuck would a warrior of the shadows hide when he can fire fucking fireballs from five fingers of fury? Oh did I mention you can use ninjamagic (also historically accurate), but don't waste it on one enemy! Oh, did I mentioned the weapons yet? Cause there are a crapton of them, each useful and each is beatiful to watch in action, like a homicidal michelangelo (that not a turtle) painting the 16th chapel with blood. There is some platforming in the game, which works fine.....kinda. It ofcourse doesn't have the polish of a mario but is doesn't have the shitstains about like red ninja and it's not as prevalent as in those games.
And now for some personal side notes, save system:....kinda sucks, but not because you can't manually save, but because their are to few checkpoints. Yet this does add to the challenge.
Color palette: Is alright, an average overal. Though alot of the locals can be somewhat buried in brown (since your in a cave alot of the time...get it?).
Conclusion, If you want a game that will kick your ass even on the first level, but kicking it beautifully and like a fair bully whoes your age/height/weight and unarmed, then this gaiden is for you. Because if you persevere, learn and hone your fingerreflexes you to will know in the end what its like to be a ninja with ADHD for killing, comfortably with you fatass on the couch.
