I don't know where Kessler is. It's possible he may have simply died from exhaustion, or someone in the homeless shelter he's been sleeping in decided to gut him in his sleep. Whatever.
Nintendo's having a press conference! And it's arguably the biggest thing at E3 this year. Are you ready for a new console? Are you ready for (hopefully) more 3DS games? Are you excited for pie charts? I always like the pie charts, myself.
Hit the link to watch the Nintendo live stream, and let's have a live blogging!
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10:15: And we're done. I still don't entirely understand how all of this works, but I'm sure we'll find out more as the day rolls on. Look for more news later, and thanks for joining us! Wii U! Okay!
10:08: Johnny Ric from EA up to talk about EA content on the new platform. He seems to have dropped some notion of Battlefield showing up on Wii U. Note that he did not say Battlefield 3, exactly.
10:06: More 3rd party vids, Dirt, Aliens: Colonial Marines, Metro Last Light, new Tekken game, Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge,
10:04: Nintendo is touting 3rd party support. Some big names here. Ken Levine, Peter Moore, Yves Guillemot, Warren Spector. Darksiders II at launch, Assassin's Creed, Batman Arkham City, Ghost Recon Online also coming to Wii U.
10:02: There is one game in development for Wii U--there are probably more, but that's just how Reggie phrased it. Lego City Stories. Seriously. They announced one Lego game. Man...
10:00: So... there are no Wii U games at E3 this year. There are technology demos, but no games. That's a little bit troubling. Also, Super Mario Mii game. Sigh... alright?
09:59: I think Reggie just went all tech demo on our asses. Birds and trees and shit! I think this is supposed to be demonstrating HD capabilities? Probably?
09:57: Oh dip. Smash Bros for both Wii U and 3DS! Let's do that thing!
09:56: Miyamoto is in the building...but we're watching a video interview with him about Wii U. Is anyone as baffled by this whole presentation as I am?
09:54: STRONG BOND THE INTERNET. Web browsing, and such. Looked like video chat was in there somewhere, too.
09:52: 6.2 inch screen. Supports existing Wii controller tech, like the balance board. Saw some Wii Remote connectivity in the vid too. Two circle pads, one d-pad.
09:50: For all intents and purposes, this thing appears to be a tablet. Touch screen, motion control, camera tech, all sorts of nuttiness. Still no understanding about the box it (theoretically) attaches to. Looks like a new box under the TV in the video.
09:47: The controller looks like an Etch-a-Sketch. Let's see what it does!
09:46: The console is called Wii U. No, seriously. I am not shitting you. Wii U.
09:44: Why would a Pokemon go to the Grand Canyon? You make no sense, Reggie.
09:43: POKEYMANZ. Reggie says Pokemon is coming to the real world. I don't know what that means. Has Nintendo started up some kind of horrific, Dr. Moreau-esque genetic engineering lab?
09:41: Downloadable and retail game demos coming to eShop. And hey, Excitebike's free guys! Get at it!
09:39: Quick rundown of 3DS third-party support: Resident Evil: The Mercenaries, Tetris, Ace Combat, Resident Evil: Revelations, Driver Renegade, Tekken 3D, Snake Eater 3D, and more.
09:37: Here is the Luigi's Mansion sequel that absolutely nobody was asking for... except me. I liked Luigi's Mansion! ._.
09:35: Kid Icarus: What is this? I don't even... why is Pit talking? Action looks like a completely insane mix of third-person action and Space Harrier-style shooting. Wow.
09:33: New Mario game. Looks a mix of 3D-side scrolling and full-3D platforming. TANOOKI SUIT, BITCHES. Out this year.
09:31: Mario Kart does have hang gliders, I guess. Out this holiday, which is cool. Also, now we're on Star Fox. Tilt control, plus camera nonsense for multiplayer. Out in September!
09:30: Mario Kart for 3DS. Reggie says it's "tricked out!" If by "tricked out" he means "It's a Mario Kart game," that is an accurate statement.
09:27: Reggie rolls out to Kaiser Chiefs. And he's already throwing down. "Look, we hear you. You want everything."
09:26: This video montage is bananas. Kid Icarus, and now... Luigi's Mansion?!?
09:25: Iwata will not open with the show-stopper. Opts to go 3DS first.
09:24: "Deeper and wider..." We're still talking about a console here, right?
09:23: Iwata: "As an industry, we haven't created a platform equally satisfying" [to casual and hardcore players]
09:22: Here comes Iwata, sadly not to an Xzibit song. #nothiphop
09:20: Shiggy's bringing out his besties. That is a seriously talented group of dudes standing on that stage right now.
09:18: The Zelda train just does not stop. Anniversary orchestral concerts around the world this fall. Japan, US and Europe tour dates.
09:17: Skyward Sword out this Holiday. Shiggy says the game is "finally done." Special gold Wii Remote! Doesn't sound like they're planning to shovel this one to the new console, a la Twilight Princess.
09:16: Four Swords coming to DSIWare this September, as a free download! Okay, that's neat.
09:15: Link's Awakening is on the eShop! TODAY!
09:12: Is there anyone more adorably huggable in this industry than Miyamoto? I think not.
09:11: Hey, translator guy, I know there's a lot to get through today, but maybe don't talk DIRECTLY OVER Miyamoto?
09:09: 25 years of Zelda just makes me feel super old. Hey, it's Miyamoto! And in a nice dignified suit, and not a Link costume.
09:08: This is actually a really nice Zelda tribute. Between this and Brad playing Ocarina on 3DS all week, I kinda am getting the Zelda shakes right now.
09:06: We're live! Zelda music orchestration! Could this mean some kind of Zelda game?!? (yes, I know...)
09:05: Chat is up, if you're into that kind of deal. Me, I'm sticking here!
09:00: Should be starting shortly, but let's just start the wild speculation. Video screen touch controller craziness seems to be likely. What do you want that stuff to actually DO?
08:58: Kessler just reported in as having overslept. I have banished him to the news regurgitating realm. I AM IN CONTROL.