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I Played Duke Nukem Forever--Was It All A Dream?

I can't tell if anything is real anymore, but in case I'm actually writing this story right now and am not trapped in some sort of dream prison, Duke Nukem Forever actually exists. And I played it.


 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
Rumors about upcoming video games are always weird to deal with. Even when you hear something and know it to be true, you usually don't know enough of the how's and why's to piece it all together. The Duke Nukem Forever/Gearbox rumors went around for a bit, and earlier this week we had them all but confirmed to us via a series of winks, nods, and knowing glances. But even once I knew that Gearbox was really going to be announcing a Duke Nukem game at PAX, I had no context... and in a tale as long and convoluted as Duke's, context is everything.

We'll look to get that context later on during an interview or two here at the Penny Arcade Expo. But in the meantime, Duke Nukem Forever is a video game, and it's being shown here in playable form via a two-level demo that sets its tone right out of the gate by putting you at a urinal and informing you that the right trigger will, in fact, "piss." Duke's not one to disappoint, so it looks like he'll go for as long as you hold down the trigger. The rest of the bathroom is also a good throwback to the interactivity of Duke Nukem 3D: the soap pump works, the sinks all function, and the mirrors are totally functional... except for the part where they're all horribly cracked.

I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and
I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and "head" right now, but you get the idea.
This first sequence quickly turns into an updated re-creation of the boss fight at the end of Episode 3 in Duke 3D. After running around some tunnels and locker rooms (where you'll be able to draw on a dry erase board using the left analog stick), you'll head to a football field and fight a large Cycloid boss. He's not especially tough, but it's meant to be a prologue. After kicking the beast's tongue through the uprights, the scene pulls out, revealing that the prologue takes place on a TV in Duke's mansion, and he's playing while receiving oral service from two ladies. Classy.

From there, the demo transitions to something labelled "level 15." It opens with a driving sequence, putting Duke behind the wheel of a monster truck. If you spent any time digging through the different leaks that sprung out in the wake of the game's previous "death," you've probably seen some of this section already. After the truck runs out of gas, Duke hops out and continues on foot. This sequence appears to have been put in to let players try out a variety of weapons, including a rail gun--which seems great for shooting pig cops in their pig cop faces--and the shrink ray, which works as advertised, allowing you to stomp out tiny enemies after you blast them. The classic Duke shotgun also makes an appearance. The shooting is handled console style, with the left trigger used to aim down the sights of the gun and the right to shoot. Though the demo stations were set up with 360 controllers, the game was actually running on PCs.

Or maybe it was all some sort of beautiful dream? The notion of Duke Nukem Forever somehow continuing to be a product that now, perhaps more than ever, looks like it's actually going to be released in stores as a product you can purchase with money is extremely hard to wrap my mind around. But that's the plan. Unless this is the world's most expensive and elaborate prank, Gearbox is working on Duke Nukem Forever right now and is looking to release it in 2011 on PC and consoles.

Always bet on Duke?
Jeff Gerstmann on Google+