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I Played Duke Nukem Forever--Was It All A Dream?

I can't tell if anything is real anymore, but in case I'm actually writing this story right now and am not trapped in some sort of dream prison, Duke Nukem Forever actually exists. And I played it.


 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
 At one point, before we were all born, Duke Nukem Forever looked somethng like this.
Rumors about upcoming video games are always weird to deal with. Even when you hear something and know it to be true, you usually don't know enough of the how's and why's to piece it all together. The Duke Nukem Forever/Gearbox rumors went around for a bit, and earlier this week we had them all but confirmed to us via a series of winks, nods, and knowing glances. But even once I knew that Gearbox was really going to be announcing a Duke Nukem game at PAX, I had no context... and in a tale as long and convoluted as Duke's, context is everything.

We'll look to get that context later on during an interview or two here at the Penny Arcade Expo. But in the meantime, Duke Nukem Forever is a video game, and it's being shown here in playable form via a two-level demo that sets its tone right out of the gate by putting you at a urinal and informing you that the right trigger will, in fact, "piss." Duke's not one to disappoint, so it looks like he'll go for as long as you hold down the trigger. The rest of the bathroom is also a good throwback to the interactivity of Duke Nukem 3D: the soap pump works, the sinks all function, and the mirrors are totally functional... except for the part where they're all horribly cracked.

I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and
I can't think of a good enough joke involving Duke and "head" right now, but you get the idea.
This first sequence quickly turns into an updated re-creation of the boss fight at the end of Episode 3 in Duke 3D. After running around some tunnels and locker rooms (where you'll be able to draw on a dry erase board using the left analog stick), you'll head to a football field and fight a large Cycloid boss. He's not especially tough, but it's meant to be a prologue. After kicking the beast's tongue through the uprights, the scene pulls out, revealing that the prologue takes place on a TV in Duke's mansion, and he's playing while receiving oral service from two ladies. Classy.

From there, the demo transitions to something labelled "level 15." It opens with a driving sequence, putting Duke behind the wheel of a monster truck. If you spent any time digging through the different leaks that sprung out in the wake of the game's previous "death," you've probably seen some of this section already. After the truck runs out of gas, Duke hops out and continues on foot. This sequence appears to have been put in to let players try out a variety of weapons, including a rail gun--which seems great for shooting pig cops in their pig cop faces--and the shrink ray, which works as advertised, allowing you to stomp out tiny enemies after you blast them. The classic Duke shotgun also makes an appearance. The shooting is handled console style, with the left trigger used to aim down the sights of the gun and the right to shoot. Though the demo stations were set up with 360 controllers, the game was actually running on PCs.

Or maybe it was all some sort of beautiful dream? The notion of Duke Nukem Forever somehow continuing to be a product that now, perhaps more than ever, looks like it's actually going to be released in stores as a product you can purchase with money is extremely hard to wrap my mind around. But that's the plan. Unless this is the world's most expensive and elaborate prank, Gearbox is working on Duke Nukem Forever right now and is looking to release it in 2011 on PC and consoles.

Always bet on Duke?
Jeff Gerstmann on Google+

360 Comments

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fjordson

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Edited By fjordson
@Phonics said:
" 15 year olds shouldnt be allowed to comment on this news post. I especially loved the guy with the Mass Effect avatar talking about 'modern day franchises'. Guess what dipshit, Mass Effect is just a more shallow Baldurs Gate with better graphics and in space.   Every true pc gamer (and no playing World of Warcraft for 2 years doesen't make you a pc gamer) will get this game EVEN though it won't be anything new. It's goddamn Duke and thats something the kids can't understand. "
Hardcore, breh!
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shanchett99

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Edited By shanchett99

I'ld rent it, just cause its the duke, but i dont have the extra cash to buy ANOTHER fps game just cause of the duke.

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seram

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Edited By seram

Ahh my brain!

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Maclintok

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Edited By Maclintok
@Phonics said:
" 15 year olds shouldnt be allowed to comment on this news post. I especially loved the guy with the Mass Effect avatar talking about 'modern day franchises'. Guess what dipshit, Mass Effect is just a more shallow Baldurs Gate with better graphics and in space.   Every true pc gamer (and no playing World of Warcraft for 2 years doesen't make you a pc gamer) will get this game EVEN though it won't be anything new. It's goddamn Duke and thats something the kids can't understand. "
How do I rep this comment... and do it 100x?
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unholyone123

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Edited By unholyone123

Well, considering I'm not an idiotic 13 year old boy any more, Duke Nukem has zero appeal. Duke Nukem was a fucking stupid character back then, and still is now. Don't buy this game just because of its novelty. Your sending the wrong message to publishers when you do that.

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foggel

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Edited By foggel

Weather forecast for hell: Cloudy with a chance of SNOW.

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Malakhii

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Edited By Malakhii
@unholyone123 said:
" Well, considering I'm not an idiotic 13 year old boy any more, Duke Nukem has zero appeal. Duke Nukem was a fucking stupid character back then, and still is now. Don't buy this game just because of its novelty. Your sending the wrong message to publishers when you do that. "
It still has major appeal to me..... and I'm a grown man. You're making yourself look like an idiot by shitting on a game before it's out. 
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Blunderboy

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Edited By Blunderboy

Although I will probably not be picking this gem up, I would pay double to see a comprehensive documentary from various people connected with the development. Fascinating.

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Prolix

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Edited By Prolix

I played the original, when it was first released and it wasn't something worth remembering.  Past a few soggy afternoons, when I was a teenager.   Its the most over rated game in history.  I have zero interest in this new title and 100% expect it to be complete fail.
 
There is absolutely no way this game will live up to it's own hype.  Which is good.  Because its about time, that shitty game got the reputation it deserves.  Instead of being over glorified by a bunch of half wit button mashers, over grown teenagers and stoner herp derp gamers.  
 
Let the Fail Begin!

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Krepta

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Edited By Krepta

Always bet on Duke! 
 
But I did think the game looked dated. 
 
It will, however, be Duke through and through.

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Devildoll

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Edited By Devildoll

wish i could have been at pax .
 
playing duke would be nuts.

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borgmaster

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Edited By borgmaster
@Phonics said:
" 15 year olds shouldnt be allowed to comment on this news post. I especially loved the guy with the Mass Effect avatar talking about 'modern day franchises'. Guess what dipshit, Mass Effect is just a more shallow Baldurs Gate with better graphics and in space.   Every true pc gamer (and no playing World of Warcraft for 2 years doesen't make you a pc gamer) will get this game EVEN though it won't be anything new. It's goddamn Duke and thats something the kids can't understand. "
 
Those kids should really get off your lawn.
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sanguis_Malus

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Edited By sanguis_Malus

The whole affair has been ridiculous.
   

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ButtonMasher

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Edited By ButtonMasher
@Prolix said:
" I played the original, when it was first released and it wasn't something worth remembering.  Past a few soggy afternoons, when I was a teenager.   Its the most over rated game in history.  I have zero interest in this new title and 100% expect it to be complete fail.  There is absolutely no way this game will live up to it's own hype.  Which is good.  Because its about time, that shitty game got the reputation it deserves.  Instead of being over glorified by a bunch of half wit button mashers, over grown teenagers and stoner herp derp gamers.    Let the Fail Begin! "
Does that include me? :p We have consoles in the house but I rarely use them for anything other than console friendly games like Super Monkey Ball (we've got Persona too, but that seems to be a looong game, i.e. an investment). I game mainly on a PC, and the idea of trying to play a FPS with a controller is a bit weird frankly, I prefer keys + mouse. Which is why I thought the idea of having PCs hiding under desks with 360 controllers a bit unusual. I agree that this game has likely outstayed it's welcome, Duke's lines will start to grate after a while, and that humour in games has a limited replay value and if its low rent it can be damaging to the game. I wasn't excited then and I'm not excited now really.
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zedman

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Edited By zedman

I refuse to believe this is real......... my head hurts  

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TheCheese33

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Edited By TheCheese33

 
I'm sure all of that is true and you aren't just a twelve-year-old who insults products made by creative minds because he can't think of them himself and loves to hate on anything unique that isn't Modern Warfare 2. Oh wait... you are exactly all of that.
 
You were maybe five or six when Duke 3D came out. Get a life, and quit trolling. 
@Prolix said:

" I played the original, when it was first released and it wasn't something worth remembering.  Past a few soggy afternoons, when I was a teenager.   Its the most over rated game in history.  I have zero interest in this new title and 100% expect it to be complete fail.  There is absolutely no way this game will live up to it's own hype.  Which is good.  Because its about time, that shitty game got the reputation it deserves.  Instead of being over glorified by a bunch of half wit button mashers, over grown teenagers and stoner herp derp gamers.    Let the Fail Begin! "
  

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lego_my_eggo

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Edited By lego_my_eggo

Will it fall?:

 
 
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DieselCat18

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Edited By DieselCat18

Who is Duke Nukem 3D ?
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piecat

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Edited By piecat

duke is a good guy 

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BigE

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Edited By BigE

Only experience with Duke is playing the first couple ones through shareware. Looking forward to trying this,

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Blind_Evil

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Edited By Blind_Evil

I can't help but think the things fans of old Duke games love are the same things that turn people that haven't played them (myself included) off to the new game.  You might indeed have to pay me to play it.

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CL60

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Edited By CL60
@Prolix said:

" I played the original, when it was first released and it wasn't something worth remembering.  Past a few soggy afternoons, when I was a teenager.   Its the most over rated game in history.  I have zero interest in this new title and 100% expect it to be complete fail.  There is absolutely no way this game will live up to it's own hype.  Which is good.  Because its about time, that shitty game got the reputation it deserves.  Instead of being over glorified by a bunch of half wit button mashers, over grown teenagers and stoner herp derp gamers.    Let the Fail Begin! "

All I heard was "Ahhh! My opinion is the only one that matters! Ahhhhh! This thing I've never even seen before will be a failure! Ahhh! That first game sucks, and everybody who disagrees is immature and wrong!"
 
Grow up please.
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deactivated-58f9a027d9bbc

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you know what?
I hate grinding games with crazy hard bosses, something like Monster Hunters or so
and one time I told my friends who's a huge monster huntard

"so if you want me to play MHP3, it's simple: neither get the sun rise up from west or Duke Nukem Forever on the shelf"
 
...guess I'd give monster hunter portable 3 a try then

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MasterChief360

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Edited By MasterChief360

looking forward to it.

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unholyone123

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Edited By unholyone123
@Malakhii:   
 The game has basically been shitting on itself for the past decade, without any help from me. Actually I'm not an idiot, a majority of people feel the same way about this game. Gearbox needs to focus its resources on something else other than a dead franchise. This will really make 3D Realms look pathetic if Gearbox actually releases this game by next year. Personally, I would rather have another Blood game, now that series had an awesome main character. He wasn't just a muscle bound retard who stole lines from Bruce Campbell. 
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CL60

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Edited By CL60
@unholyone123 said:
" @Malakhii:    The game has basically been shitting on itself for the past decade, without any help from me. Actually I'm not an idiot, a majority of people feel the same way about this game. Gearbox needs to focus its resources on something else other than a dead franchise. This will really make 3D Realms look pathetic if Gearbox actually releases this game by next year. Personally, I would rather have another Blood game, now that series had an awesome main character. He wasn't just a muscle bound retard who stole lines from Bruce Campbell.  "
I'm sorry, but the majority of people do not agree with you.
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Dain22

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Edited By Dain22

I'm much more excited for someone to make a documentary about the history and drama surrounding this game than the actual game itself.

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Edited By ante
@Dain22 said:
" I'm much more excited for someone to make a documentary about the history and drama surrounding this game than the actual game itself. "
I agree.
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Destroyeron

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Edited By Destroyeron

Who actually believes this is going to come out?

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STWNRPWNR

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Edited By STWNRPWNR

Sounds like a big piece of Dookey. Might be worth renting for gamerscore booosting. Definitely not a must have. Bring back Mega Man and change the platform (i.e. the Batman franchise comes to mind) and I might be interested.(and yes I know COMPLETELY different developers so before you try  to make me feel dumb, please don't. XD

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caseylakes

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Edited By caseylakes

What? Really!? I hate to doubt you Jeff, but them levels seem quite... hard to imagine. Maybe because it is DNF, if this is real thou, I can not wait to see.

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deltron

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Edited By deltron

7 years ago this title could have been profitable riding on the brand and hype alone.
Now it just feels like it's going to be another crappy game based on a movie for some reason. 
 I'm sure that to a good majority of the readers; Duke might as well be pacman.
 
Even if this game is decent it will be a huge letdown to most of the fans. With how safe most of these game companies play it (rest on their laurels and continue to force feed us with the same old title sequels) it surprises me that anyone would touch this turd.

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Tryptophan

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Edited By Tryptophan
@Dain22:  BIngo!! This is a certainty, whether the game launches or not.
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Meowayne

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Edited By Meowayne

I want this:
 

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maxwatts

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Edited By maxwatts

Duke Nukem FOREVER
 
amirite?

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Izaak

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Edited By Izaak
@Meowayne: The achievement unlocked sound confused the hell of me for a second. 
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Norusdog

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Edited By Norusdog

who cares? unless they change it substantially to fit the times it's going to be a dated shooter.
 
meh...whatever.  They should just start over and rework the game.  Things that worked THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO..don't now.
 
but whatever.

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scottygrayskull

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Edited By scottygrayskull

I fully expected that booth to be a big empty room, with a little "seat yourself" sign that said "just kidding"

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unholyone123

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Edited By unholyone123
@CL60: 
 Yes they do.
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ruffedgz

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Edited By ruffedgz

I am curious on how this looks when its done. Lets hope Gearbox can bring Duke back from video game failures section into a success story.

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ThePiePieper

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Edited By ThePiePieper

Like GT5, i'll believe when i see it running at home.

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InterGalacticPancakeLord

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THE FIRST SIGN OF THE GAMING APOCOLAPSE!!! O_O
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MercuryCrusader

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Edited By MercuryCrusader

Duke Nukem will usher in a new era of shooters, one that will drive us away from terrible generic brown military/sci-fi shooters with Tom Clancy Plot Generator-quality storylines of today, and into a bold new era of parking bricks in alien toilets and drinking beer with the D-pad. Hail to the king, baby, or blow it out your ass. Balls of steel. Always bet on Duke.

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Goblinoid

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Edited By Goblinoid

"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of gum.."

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Lordborg909

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Edited By Lordborg909

I think if this actually ever got released, the world would be sucked into a huge vortex of awesomeness that is Duke... and that cant be a good thing can it? Maybe thats what the scientists in Sweden or wherever it was are actually working on... this game ^^

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johnzimmerman

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Edited By johnzimmerman

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CressDX

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Edited By CressDX

Can´t wait for this game!!

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MightyDins

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Edited By MightyDins

ALWAYS bet on Duke...this game is finally looking likely to release this century! Awesome!
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zeus_gb

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Edited By zeus_gb

When I first heard about this I thought WTF this has gotta be ahuge prank.  I'm so glad it's not. 
 
In 2011 i'll finally be kicking ass and chewing bubblegum.
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mewarmo990

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Edited By mewarmo990

HAIL TO THE KING. ALWAYS BET ON DOUK.
*cue explosions and rock music*