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306 Comments

The Death of a Video Game Benchmark

One of the easiest and best ways to judge a video game console's graphical prowess has, quite literally, been cut. Guess it's back to counting lines of resolution?

Everyone has their own "thing" when it comes to determining the graphical capabilities of a given console. For awhile, people used water effects. Or, once Gran Turismo 3 came around, folks started staring at models of cars to see how powerful a game console was. Heck, for awhile, the notion of in-game models that could actually sweat was the clearest sign that basketball game graphics are becoming more and more realistic.

But my benchmark just blew away into the wind. Esteemed news outlet TMZ is reporting that Triple H has cut his hair.

2310447-screen_shot_2012_09_05_at_4.40.01_pm.png

As far as I'm concerned, the only way we're going to know if a PlayStation Orbis or Xbox Durango are capable video gaming devices is to look at the mane of HHH. And it's been this way for years, really. Seriously, go on back to the N64 and take a look around. See what THQ was able to do back then with The Game's long, stringy, sort-of-crappy, usually wet mop. Actually, don't go back. I already went back for you. Look at this shot from WWF Wrestlemania 2000:

2310450-33435.jpeg

Or these shots from WWF No Mercy!

2310451-83184.jpeg
2310452-83187.jpeg

Now check it against a more modern rendition of the professional wrestler that's poised to pretty much run the WWE someday.

Though this may look more... accurate than those N64 games, I still have to say that this looks pretty terrible. Even at its best, video game hair technology sort of sucks. Maybe Trips got tired of waiting for the consoles to catch up with him and took the easy way out?
Though this may look more... accurate than those N64 games, I still have to say that this looks pretty terrible. Even at its best, video game hair technology sort of sucks. Maybe Trips got tired of waiting for the consoles to catch up with him and took the easy way out?

See? Not even close. Ipso facto, modern machines are more powerful than older ones. And we wouldn't ever be able to come to this conclusion if it wasn't for Triple H's classic 'do. So it's with some sadness that I bring this report to you, dear reader. The only consolation I can offer is that every time an longtime pro wrestler cuts off his shitty heavy metal hair, the easier it is to see them calling moves in the ring. And, really, isn't that what sports entertainment is all about?

Jeff Gerstmann on Google+
306 CommentsRefresh
Avatar image for jeff
Posted by Jeff

Everyone has their own "thing" when it comes to determining the graphical capabilities of a given console. For awhile, people used water effects. Or, once Gran Turismo 3 came around, folks started staring at models of cars to see how powerful a game console was. Heck, for awhile, the notion of in-game models that could actually sweat was the clearest sign that basketball game graphics are becoming more and more realistic.

But my benchmark just blew away into the wind. Esteemed news outlet TMZ is reporting that Triple H has cut his hair.

2310447-screen_shot_2012_09_05_at_4.40.01_pm.png

As far as I'm concerned, the only way we're going to know if a PlayStation Orbis or Xbox Durango are capable video gaming devices is to look at the mane of HHH. And it's been this way for years, really. Seriously, go on back to the N64 and take a look around. See what THQ was able to do back then with The Game's long, stringy, sort-of-crappy, usually wet mop. Actually, don't go back. I already went back for you. Look at this shot from WWF Wrestlemania 2000:

2310450-33435.jpeg

Or these shots from WWF No Mercy!

2310451-83184.jpeg
2310452-83187.jpeg

Now check it against a more modern rendition of the professional wrestler that's poised to pretty much run the WWE someday.

Though this may look more... accurate than those N64 games, I still have to say that this looks pretty terrible. Even at its best, video game hair technology sort of sucks. Maybe Trips got tired of waiting for the consoles to catch up with him and took the easy way out?
Though this may look more... accurate than those N64 games, I still have to say that this looks pretty terrible. Even at its best, video game hair technology sort of sucks. Maybe Trips got tired of waiting for the consoles to catch up with him and took the easy way out?

See? Not even close. Ipso facto, modern machines are more powerful than older ones. And we wouldn't ever be able to come to this conclusion if it wasn't for Triple H's classic 'do. So it's with some sadness that I bring this report to you, dear reader. The only consolation I can offer is that every time an longtime pro wrestler cuts off his shitty heavy metal hair, the easier it is to see them calling moves in the ring. And, really, isn't that what sports entertainment is all about?

Staff
Avatar image for oscar__explosion
Posted by Oscar__Explosion

the hell?

Avatar image for 5enintendan
Posted by 5eNintendan

Was so damn close

Avatar image for sgtpierceface
Posted by Sgtpierceface

Poor Jeff.

Avatar image for maxxs
Posted by MaxxS

Triple H has no concept of the weight of his crimes, does he?

Avatar image for mooseymcman
Edited by MooseyMcMan

Madness!

Just use "Classic Triple H." In the games, I mean. Retro costumes.

Avatar image for heti
Posted by Heti

This is going to blur the line between the console generations even more!!

Avatar image for brother_pippop
Posted by Brother_PipPop

Godbless you gerts man.

Avatar image for noobsauceg7
Posted by NoobSauceG7

WHAT THE FUCK!

Avatar image for hockeymask27
Posted by hockeymask27

Best Article ever!

RIP HHH's Hair

Avatar image for schatzy23
Posted by Schatzy23

sad face

Avatar image for meatsim
Posted by MeatSim

We are incapable of telling if graphics have improved now.

Avatar image for thirteenyahs
Posted by thirteenyahs

September 5th, 2012. Worst day in history.

Avatar image for magusmaleficus
Posted by MagusMaleficus

Goddamn, I love me some Botchamania.

Avatar image for oldirtybearon
Posted by Oldirtybearon

Sometimes Jeff just hits it out of the park.

God bless Gerstmann.

Avatar image for jmfinamore
Posted by jmfinamore

Probably the best and worst news story ever posted on the site.

Avatar image for demoskinos
Posted by Demoskinos

A botchamania youtube video in a news article on Giantbomb? My life is complete. THANK YOU BASED GERSTMANN.

Avatar image for kishinfoulux
Posted by kishinfoulux

LMAO

Avatar image for shinmaru007
Posted by Shinmaru007

I would like to buy Triple H's hair.

Avatar image for ladyshayne
Posted by LadyShayne

He doesn't even look like Triple H in that first pic. The haircut paired with the suit seems...lawyer worthy. A sad day indeed.

Avatar image for slightconfuse
Posted by SlightConfuse

End of an era

Avatar image for truthtellah
Posted by TruthTellah

I have suddenly lost all perspective on the world around me.

Avatar image for gigamunch
Posted by GigaMunch

How will we know if the Durango is superior now!?

Avatar image for catarrhal
Posted by Catarrhal

Damn you, Paul Levesque! Damn you!

Avatar image for internetdotcom
Posted by GorillaMoPena

Wrestling ponytails are on their death bed, Paul Heyman is clinging to an era.

Avatar image for boomsnapclap113
Posted by BoomSnapClap113

Jeff, you are truly a comedic genius.

Avatar image for kentobi
Posted by Kentobi

THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT

Avatar image for stalefishies
Posted by stalefishies

But WWE13 including not one, not two, but three Triple H variants means that long-haired Triple H can live on in the medium of people wishing it was still the Attitude era, and so, assuming this ideology continues, a lack of long-haired Triple H could well not be a problem. Basically, this article is poorly researched, and is indicative of the embarrassingly poor quality of video game journalism, and you should feel ashamed of yourself for this blatant fishing for article hits.
 
Also Triple H looks fucking stupid with short hair.

Avatar image for gaspar
Posted by Gaspar

Jeff this is one of the many reasons why I like your style.

Avatar image for brandino
Posted by Brandino

@Demoskinos said:

A botchamania youtube video in a news article on Giantbomb? My life is complete. THANK YOU BASED GERSTMANN.

This is easily my favorite article on any game site. I have ALWAYS judged tech and especially the quality of a wrestling game from his hair. RIP HHH's hair.

Avatar image for brisaac
Posted by Brisaac

Top rated journalism.

But no, seriously, in game hair sucks. I can't think of a single game that does it right.

Avatar image for lik
Posted by LiK

ROFL

Avatar image for cooljammer00
Posted by cooljammer00

I think he was the last one, right? Jericho, Edge, Christian...I can't think of anyone else, and I'm ignoring DX/NWO nonsense.

Also, TMZ...that's not really "shaving his head". He just cut it short.

Avatar image for belligerentengine
Edited by BelligerentEngine

Calm down Jeff, Hunter has done this before, he shaved his head at the 2010 tribute to the troops. I assume the pure golden locks were melted down and donated to a venterancy fund of some kind.

Point is... It'll grow back like before.

Avatar image for milkman
Posted by Milkman

Thank You Hunter *clap clap clapclapclap* Thank You Hunter

Avatar image for valiantgoat
Posted by ValiantGoat

The end of an era.

Avatar image for csl316
Posted by csl316

DAMMIT

Avatar image for ragbag
Posted by ragbag

LEAVE THE MEMORIES ALONE

Avatar image for shadowconqueror
Posted by ShadowConqueror

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Online
Avatar image for nohthink
Posted by nohthink

LOL I like how this is an article 

Avatar image for giant_frying_pan
Posted by giant_frying_pan

Didn't even lay it down in a hair match. No sense for the business!

Avatar image for cptmorganca
Posted by CptMorganCA

@Brisaac said:

Top rated journalism. But no, seriously, in game hair sucks. I can't think of a single game that does it right.

Alice: Madness Returns comes to mind, but I can't think of any "realistic" game with good hair.

Avatar image for mikegosot
Posted by MikeGosot
@MooseyMcMan said:

Madness!

Just use "Classic Triple H." In the games, I mean. Retro costumes.

That's not needed. Now, the new Triple H won't be in games, just the old one. The REAL one.
Avatar image for bourbon_warrior
Posted by Bourbon_Warrior

more of this please

Avatar image for nytrik
Posted by Nytrik

I love this website so goddamn much.

Avatar image for wjist
Posted by WJist

THANKS OBAMA

Avatar image for lostflock
Posted by LostFlock

Wrestlemania 2000, good times...

Avatar image for laserbolts
Posted by laserbolts

This is a sad day in sports entertainment.

Avatar image for joey_ravn
Posted by JoeyRavn

So... "Triple H's mane" confirmed as a card for the Giant Bomb Edition of Cards Against Humanity?

Avatar image for scratch
Posted by Scratch

Never seen a botchamania video before. Man.