Guys! I've recieved an email from a secret contact from the future, along with a picture of Patrick Klepek 15 Years From Now. Here's the email:
Dear Informant,
I implore you to help us terminate the target, Patrick Klepek began his presidential campaign in 2027 and has ever since taken over every internet source, under surveillance 24/7. Therefore u must understand that sending this is extremely whiskey, i mean risky, (patrick sends me out on errands for his favorite whiskey, the thought of forgetting one, makes me tremble in fear, hence the typo). I was able to bypass the security system but i do not have much time. To paint you a picture of the world today, All internet sites have the giantbomb logo implented on them, sometimes subliminally on governmental sites. You probably wonder why Patrick is at the center of my attention and not the rest of the GB Crew. We haven't seen them in years. Patrick said he has "taken care of them", though I highly doubt there was any "care" involved.
This is a dark and grim virtual atom bomb that we fear, to you it is but the future but this is my present. Child labor, a non-stop writing session to "develop" multi growth quality journalism. It is all a lie, a ruse to keep us distracted from the truth. It being that the words we write don't even make it on to the web but are meant to extract our thought processes. You see, as we write we are connected to a device, The Klepsonian, a highly powerful router that sends all of our creative thoughts into the mainframe: Patrick Klepek's cloned mind. In other words, we are pumping constant creativity into his brain, draining ourselves in the process, but empowering him, so much even, that he doesn't even need to sleep anymore. We aren't even payed for this. What's currency amongst slaves? I implore you, you must unite forces and stop Klepek from taken over the virtual world, you must do anything in your power to stop him while you still can, for it is my present, I do not wish this to be yours soon.
Another thing, I can't tell you why, but I can tell with certainty that hot dogs are part of the solution.
Sincerely, *******
Further Evidence and Analysis:
My source elaborates in another email: I've spoken to his psychiatrist, and it is clear he harbored feelings to take over the world early on, starting with America appearently in 2027, the picture below is proof of his tendency for world domination. His shrink says that the only way to to stop him is to eliminate him in the past, in others words your present. He also emphasizes the pivotal role of Hot Dogs.
My source goes on: For the sake of us all, all you nameless, faceless entities of the web, gather your strengths and empowered weakenesses and stop Patrick Klepek. Your correspondant from the Age of Klepek (He makes us call it that) Sincerely: *****h*o*t***d***o**g*****
Klepek fooled us all.
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