High atop a castle peak rests a castle.  Not just any old castle though.  Oh no.  This is no outdated fortress.  This castle, with its winding stairs and teetering towers, is home to the infamous Dr. Mattavious.  Once an everyday scientist hard at work controlling rats by remote control and other such highly important and prestigious works, now Mattavious has set about the task of world domination.

See him in all his diabolical glory.  See his wild unkempt hair, crooked glasses, and long--blood splattered (of course, because what sort of self-respecting evil scientist doesn't have blood splattered on his lab coat?)--white lab coat.  He hunches over a rickety metal work table, mumbling to himself about pocket lint.  A patchwork cat--white, black, and orange--hobbles up to the work table and rubs her stitched body against his leg.  A seam tears and a part of her tail falls to the ground.  No matter.  Mattavious keeps a freezer full of cat corpses in the basement for just this sort of situation.

"Yes Patchavious...our time has nearly come.  I've faced many foes before, but at last no one can stand in my way.  No force on earth--nay...no force in heaven OR earth shall come--"

The door bell rang out, N'Sync of course--Mattavious is evil after all-- and Patchavious lept to her feet and raced down the stairs to greet their visitor.

The door creaked open slowly to reveal...a corn muffin salesmen.  Patchavious lept back in shock and shivered with horror.  Never before had she seen such a hideous creature as the pimply teenager who stood before her.

"Uh...dude...hello?  Anyone here?" He glanced down at Patchavious. "Oh, hello kitty...how are you..." He reached down to pet her and maggots crawled out from between the seams of her stitching to creep up his hand. He lept to his feet and started to scream.  Loudly.  Upstairs something exploded followed by a cloud of black smoke tumbling ominously down the stairs.

A very soot covered, partially exploded Dr. Mattavious came down the stairs.  And when I say "came down the stairs" I of course mean that he tumbled head over foot and landed in a sprawling heap on the cold stone floor.  The muffin salesman held out a box of muffins, not noticing the maggots still wriggling around on his skin.

"Uh...you like muffins man?"

"Muffins?" Dr. Mattavious sat up and shook his head.  He could see very well on account of the part where his glasses had been incinerated in the explosion. "MUFFINS?"

"Have a chill pill man.  They're just corn muffiny goodness in a box."

"Goodness?" It was all Dr. Mattavious could do to say the word without vomiting all over the place and making a mess that would be a real pain in the butt to clean later, unless of course he invented a vomit cleaning robot to do it for him...actually a vomit cleaning robot might be a good thing to have around.  Especially if he ever finished that vomit ray that he'd been hard at work on for many a year. "GOODNESS!  Do you have any idea the schemes you've ruined?  There I was...the final calibrations about to be completed on my anti-matter broccoli/chocolate chip cookie combo machine.  The most evil and diabolical device ever conceived of...and then what do I hear?  A shriek.  A shriek that startled my hand into pressing the wrong button..which any fool could tell you created a cascading antimatter/broccoli/chocolate chip implosion of immense size.  Even now a  black hold of unspeakable power is forming in my..."

"Dude...you are one messed up dude, dude."

"Did I just say unspeakable power?"

"I don't know man I just sell muffins."

"I'll take twenty million boxes..." Dr. Mattavious clicked his heels (in an evil way of course) and bounced up the stairs.

"Uh...I only have ten boxes...and actually I only have this box...I ate the rest and....I don't suppose you have a bathroom or...because that smell is making me kind of..." The sales gave Mattavious a reason to invent that vomit cleaning robot and then fled the building leaving behind only the box of now maggot ridden muffins, which Patchavious shortly devoured before racing up into the smoky halls where she found Mattavious once more hard at work.

"With this broccoli/chocolate chip powered black hole nothing can stand in my way Patchavious!  The world is my oyster to...uh...what exactly do you do with oysters anyway?  That's okay, not nearly an evil enough metaphor...how about "The world is my catnip..." no, no...all wrong...I got it...the world is my crown to set upon my head...if only my head weren't so lumpy...but then when I finish my cranial delumper everything will be just fine and spiffy.  Oh yes.

Wha!ha!ha!ha!ha!"

"Meowha!ha!ha!ha!" (What, you've never heard a zombie cat's evil laugh before?)