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About Me

Born and raised in the Louisiana bayous, "somesthetic" spent his childhood wrestlin' gators and sneakin' 'round norlins tryin' to catch glimpses of drunk women with no self-respect who were flashin' their titties. He is both feared and deitized by voodoo priests for his ability to get premium cable channels without having paid for premium cable channels, and chef Paul Prudhomme attributes the success of his "magic seasonings" to "somesthetic's" irrepressible spirit and dry southern wit which helped Prudhomme through a tough time in his professional career.

"somesthetic" served twelve consecutive tours in Vietnam fighting on the side of the Vietcong, and was fatally wounded on four of them. He returned to the United States to applause and parades and was hailed as Time magazine's "most alive vietnam veteran of 1986." The following 10 years were spent in a wheelchair and fatigues screaming at stray dogs and defacating into plastic bags which were stamped and placed in post office boxes. "somesthetic" then decided to give up being crazy when he saw Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" and realized that no one would take his opinion of the film seriously if they thought he was crazy, and he'd be damned if that talentless woman was going to go on making millions without his criticism.

Date joined:2008-07-21
Alignment:Neutral
Points:13 Points

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