So, your Gran-ma has given you a couple of hundred bucks for Christmas and what with all this talk about virtual reality, you’ve foolishly decided to squander it on a Virtual Boy.

And no, this isn’t 1995, it’s 2015 and you’re a collector. “What harm is there in that?” you ask yourself rhetorically.

Well, let’s have a look at the safety manual! I have the Japanese version, but I’m sure the pictures will tell a thousand words:

First of all we see this guy is going to have major back problems in the future. And the console itself has already attached itself parasitically to his face.

The first safety instruction seems to be “Do not animate your Virtual Boy and let is start fires”. This seems obvious as he has no arms to work a fire extinguisher.

“Do not use your Virtual Boy as a polo mallet.” He will be understandably upset with this development and seek revenge.

“Do not put your Virtual Boy in direct sunlight.” I’m guessing other rules include don’t get him wet and never, ever feed him after midnight.

“Do not let your Virtual Boy make Nerve Gas.” He obviously doesn’t have the correct safety equipment.

“Don’t humiliate your Virtual Boy.” He gets embarrassed very easily and no one wants to use a sweaty console.

“Do not fuse and become one with your Virtual Boy.” That shit is how wars start.

“Do not force-feed your Virtual Boy Screwdrivers to make him barf!” He’s skinny enough as it is, he’ll get an eating disorder you insensitive bastard!

“Do not spit on your Virtual Boy and try and clean it with your fingers.” You’re not its mother.

“Do not throw your Virtual Boy into a Hobo’s trash-can fire.” He will not provide much heat.

“Do not drop your Virtual Boy.” That’s not how you kill him. It will require dark magics and the power of Satan to accomplish that task.

“Basically do not play, or even own, a Virtual Boy.” You have been warned.

But to be fair, even after those warnings, I got one away. And truth be told I do enjoy some of the games, Jack Bros is decent and Bomberman: Panic Bomber is addictive. Does anyone else out there enjoy their Virtual Boy? Which games?

This is incredible stuff. Thanks for posting this.

This is fuckin' great.

Have you played the Wario game?

I wonder how people will look back at the Oculus Rift in 20 years. <o><o>

Yeah, WarioLand for Virtual Boy is actually a really good game! It's clever and at least tries to utilise the 3D aspect. It's fun and responsive, but it will hurt your eyes for any more than 20 minutes a time, so I haven't played through it yet.

VB Wario is my absolute favorite Mario related game. I have played it extensively for hours at a time with no eyestrain. I also use glasses when I need to focus. I dont think I am special, I just think most people never bothered to adjust the thing correctly or have never played the VB at all and are flat out lying because thats cool.

I'm constantly adjusting the top to focus it, it still wears me out, but I usually do need reading glasses under normal circumstances. It's almost annoying that such a crappy system actually has some really worth while games on it.

Oh man, I remember the Virtual Boy! My dad picked one up from Toys R Us for like, $20 after they killed it. I didn't have Wario, but I did have that sick pinball game, as well as some crazy japanese shooter and Mario Tennis.

I wonder if it's still in my parent's closet...

This is awesome. I wish I had my PocketStation packaging with me (it's in a box at my dad's house). That manual had some pretty magical stuff too.

Well, if dropping it won't kill it, I'll just drop it repeatedly for funsies.

Virtual Boy was a bomb-ass console/gimmick/thingy. For me it was basically a Red Alarm machine. Absolutely loved that game.

But then, I've always taken extremely well to 3D, with the only headaches or eye strain I've ever gotten being from the ol' red n' blues, and even then only sometimes.

The virtual boy is terrible. Stop spreading lies.

Although, it is true you should never feed it after midnight.

Wow. Thanks for sharing this stuff. Some of the images are disturbing as hell.

Seriously, what is going in that smoke picture? Is that a flare on the ground?

That warning is actually about dust. You're not meant to leave it in dusty places. Frankly, if it's that dusty the Virtual Boy is probably going to be the least of your worries.

But yeah, smoking is still really common, and cheap, in Japan. I have the Famicom version of the Power Glove, still in box, but it smells awful because the previous owner was a smoker.

haha good stuff