Fuck Me My Dear FUCKING GOD
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, this is DOGSHIT. Piece of FUCKING GARBAGE ASS TRASH. Motherfucker. Anus on a stick with tiger sauce. Oh my dear JESUS, god FUCKING DAMMIT!" -- me, playing this game
There's a game out there called Azure Striker Gunvolt, and it wants you to think it belongs to the pedigree of Mega Man, specifically the decent-to-fantastic Mega Man games developer IntiCreates has made in the past, but it is not even goddamn close. Not even in the ballpark, despite having some good ideas here and there. Here's why:
- Terrible level design. Walk forward, shoot uninteresting enemies, repeat.
- Frustrating or boring boss encounters. Here's the thing: the game is designed to be one of those score ranking games. But if you don't give a shit about that like I do, then it won't matter and you'll find yourself standing around bosses practically INVINCIBLE (yes, that's a thing in this game) until you can hit them again.
- Possibly one of the worst plots in video game history. I tried to skip almost all of the story sequences, but even then I still saw bits and pieces and EVEN FROM THAT I feel confident in making this assessment. The quality of a Japanese light novel written by a robot slug.
- Really bland look to it. Not just the totally generic anime style, but the levels themselves have zero personality. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
This game's been one of the biggest disappointments of my gaming career. Funny, because I wasn't even expecting much of it! Just a decent action platformer where it's fun to shoot things. Sadly, Gunvolt is anything but. I deleted it from my 3DS upon beating it. I suggest you save your money, or else you'll start swearing at yourself like I did...FUCK GODDAMMIT GARBAGE GAME BULLSHIT