I was forwarded this gem this morning and I'm very surprised I haven't seen more about it. The guy who wrote this video game 'review' is clearly not in touch with gaming in general. The results are hilarious! I hope this guy gets a great click thru rate because I want to see more clueless reviews. Enjoy!

http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2012/09/18/game-theory-borderlands-2-fails-to-generate-joy-puke/

Who was that review for? I mean, what audience is supposed to take in that content and enjoy it and/or find it insightful?

Someone really missed the point of the game. What a buttstallion.

"...or Halo 4, which is slated for a December release."

The last line of the review! Seriously? He couldn't even looks up the release date of one of the biggest games coming out this year.

I read until the part about it missing online competitive multiplayer. It's actually making me angry.

I'm glad someone didn't like this piece of shit. The first game was terrible and this one is no worse. Yes I've played it. Maxed out graphics on a PC - it looks like shit, it plays like shit. First person shooters are fucking a thing of the past because this is the garbage people are interested in playing.
 
This guy is not clueless, he is informed. He probably played good first person shooters (before half life ruined them). What a joke this game turned out to be. It is great that Jeff likes it because I like jeff but I don't care about other peoples opinions it is a bad game. I'm mad I wasted money on it because my friends convinced me to buy it hurr it will be fun yup it isnt. Surprise. Another shitty game from gearbox.

that was bad. very bad.

@steveurkel said:

I'm glad someone didn't like this piece of shit. The first game was terrible and this one is no worse. Yes I've played it. Maxed out graphics on a PC - it looks like shit, it plays like shit. First person shooters are fucking a thing of the past because this is the garbage people are interested in playing. This guy is not clueless, he is informed. He probably played good first person shooters (before half life ruined them). What a joke this game turned out to be. It is great that Jeff likes it because I like jeff but I don't care about other peoples opinions it is a bad game. I'm mad I wasted money on it because my friends convinced me to buy it hurr it will be fun yup it isnt. Surprise. Another shitty game from gearbox.

Uh-huh.

That is kinda disgusting.

@steveurkel: Well aren't you fun.

Yeah that review's a joke. I don't see the point of getting a dude who doesn't know a thing about the industry (which is fine) to review games.

If this guy can't dig it I'd be happy to take that copy off his hands for him.

@JasonR86 said:

Who was that review for? I mean, what audience is supposed to take in that content and enjoy it and/or find it insightful?

I suppose its just a bullet point on what services they provide. When it comes to getting advertisers, they can go to video game companies and say "hey look we cover video games give us money". I wonder the exact same thing when IGN reviews tech or music.

Page hits. Why else would the Wall Street fucking Journal write about video games. They want people like you to get angry and visit their website, right? It works.

I agree with most of it other than the comments about online play, because I haven't played it online. The writing is pretty stupid, it isn't funny even though it tries so hard to be (although it's "durger"/bacon obsession style humor so I think many here will find it hilarious), I don't find any of the characters interesting, and while the world is massive, it's uninteresting for me as it just seems like a massive dungeon rather than something worth exploring like in Skyrim.

I do think the combat is fun and I really like leveling and customizing characters in games with good combat, so I'm having fun with that, but the game has major issues to me. Mainly that pretty much everything outside of leveling up and pulling triggers is kinda terrible. Not a bad game, but much like the writer says, I don't think it's up there with $60 titles. To be honest, I've gotten into free-to-play games and a lot of those games suffer from a "everything other than core gameplay is pretty shoddy" syndrome too. Difference is, those are free and this isn't. With all of the voice acting, I know $60 game worth of time, money, and effort was spent, but the overall quality doesn't show it for me. I'm renting it now and much like the author, $30 (or $40) seems like a sweet spot for where I'd buy it and feel satisfied with what's in the box and not feel like I wasted my money.

Borderlands 2’s single-player campaign mode isn’t as good as what you’ll find in games like COD: Black Ops or the Medal of Honor series.

Anyone else kinda weirded out that he's playing Borderlands 2 with his 14 year old son?

I think what's more funny is the replys to it. Since they're anonymous and require absolutely no moderation at all. Smarts.  I feel like this was a troll for views though. Anyway, this stuff is gold: 
 

• 
  

  • ULTIMATE WARRIOR wrote:

  LIKE ALL OTHER WARRIORS…WE WERE GETTING JETJACKED FOR THE RELLEASE OF BORRDERLANDS TWOOOO…OUR DESIRE GAVE IT THE POWER, THE POWER TO SUCCEED! BUT I MUST TELL THE WARRIORS… IT WAS NOT…IT WAS NOT ENOUGH *SKRONK* SO I ASK THE WARRIORS! COME WITH ME AND WE CAN SEEK JUSTICE! WRONGS TO BE PUT RIGHT SINS TO BE CLEANSED BY THE POWER OF ALL THE WARRIORS…HELP ME…HELP ME RID THE WORLD…WHOLE FREAKIN’ UNIVERSE OF THE POWERS THAT WOULD…OPPOSE US…WARRIORS…IT IS TIME…LOAD THE COMMENTS WITH THE PUTDOWNS…LOAD THEM WITH THE WARRIORS!…For I am the CHOSEN ONE!

  
  

Nascar comparison: LOL

Really funny review. My personal favorite is saying the plot to the first Borderlands is too complex when it is totally nonexistent, then saying it is not as straightforward as CoD's, which is probably the most convoluted plot in gaming since Modern Warfare 2. Joke.

@CornBREDX said:

I think what's more funny is the replys to it. Since they're anonymous and require absolutely no moderation at all. Smarts. I feel like this was a troll for views though. Anyway, this stuff is gold:

• • ULTIMATE WARRIOR wrote:

  LIKE ALL OTHER WARRIORS…WE WERE GETTING JETJACKED FOR THE RELLEASE OF BORRDERLANDS TWOOOO…OUR DESIRE GAVE IT THE POWER, THE POWER TO SUCCEED! BUT I MUST TELL THE WARRIORS… IT WAS NOT…IT WAS NOT ENOUGH *SKRONK* SO I ASK THE WARRIORS! COME WITH ME AND WE CAN SEEK JUSTICE! WRONGS TO BE PUT RIGHT SINS TO BE CLEANSED BY THE POWER OF ALL THE WARRIORS…HELP ME…HELP ME RID THE WORLD…WHOLE FREAKIN’ UNIVERSE OF THE POWERS THAT WOULD…OPPOSE US…WARRIORS…IT IS TIME…LOAD THE COMMENTS WITH THE PUTDOWNS…LOAD THEM WITH THE WARRIORS!…For I am the CHOSEN ONE!

Puh-lease, this quote is FAR too coherent to be anything like what the Ultimate Warrior would say. Better luck next time.

@steveurkel said:

The first game was terrible and this one is no worse.

What?

@ShadowConqueror said:

@steveurkel said:

The first game was terrible and this one is no worse.

What?

It's some kind of weird backhanded compliment?

I have no idea what the OP's problem with this review is. He didn't enjoy 'JOYPUKE'!!! Well, WT royal F is wrong with you? Should you expect him to?

Played with his 14 year son..pretty lib for a wall street guy really, and you'd think the kid would explain a few of the things to him...as he probably did. So in a way though he was obviously staggering around the 'convoluted story' he got a few things in an odd unattached sort of way.

You know that was actually Handsome Jack writing the review, right, don't you? Boy he doesn't like it when you guy's gang up in co-op, that's for sure. That went right past him. But I'm playing solo for the moment so my second tier approach should be okay w/him.

I think he gets back onto his safe ground with Black OPS 2, and probably has an honest memory of having played Halo.

All I can say...

Yup. Fuck that review and Fuck that guy.

I don't really get it...what did you expect, it's the Wall Street Journal. It's not a good review but I agree with the point he's trying to make: borderlands is not really that good. Some decent gameplay, a fucking stupid story, fetch quests, and one of the most annoying "characters" in recent memory.

I don't get why he's so enamoured with call of duty, though. Seemed like CoD is mentioned more in the review than the game he's reviewing.

Gosh, I hope this doesn't affect Borderlands 2 sales among the 1%!

lol

Comments: 1270

I made sure to leave my critique of the review in a comment. I don't mind negative reviews, only complete ignorance.

@sickVisionz: You'll get heckled for that opinion, but that's pound-for-pound what I thought of the first game, and precisely what's keeping me away from the sequel.

He sounds like the Armond White of video games. I've never played Borderlands, but I still understand its qualities and what its got going for it. His idea of the ideal FPS means he's a piece of shit.

It says Game Theory in giant red letters. Clearly this guy knows what he is talking about.

I totally want to see more reviews from this guy.

oh man, I always like to go to bed on a Hilarious note, thanks for the link homie!

@dennisthemennis said:

I don't really get it...what did you expect, it's the Wall Street Journal. It's not a good review but I agree with the point he's trying to make: borderlands is not really that good. Some decent gameplay, a fucking stupid story, fetch quests, and one of the most annoying "characters" in recent memory.

I don't get why he's so enamoured with call of duty, though. Seemed like CoD is mentioned more in the review than the game he's reviewing.

It's not that he doesn't like it. He doesn't have to like it! No one has to. It's that he doesn't understand it!

He doesn't seem to understand why someone would want to have 4 player multiplayer when you can have 24 player multiplayer. He doesn't understand why they made the graphics cartoony when photo realstic looks so much better. He doesn't understand that "Gazlilion-ier" is meant to be a funny nonsense term.

Call of Duty's single player is a game that drops you right into the action in every level. A open world game like Borderlands gives you a whole world to explore. Some people like instant action roller coasters and some people like detailed worlds to explore (some people like both!). But this guy genuinely doesn't understand why a game would include boring walking and driving parts on purpose. And he works for the Wall Street Journal. And this is supposed to be a serious review. And I find that hilarious.

Mainstream press + Video Games = humor.

@steveurkel said:

I'm glad someone didn't like this piece of shit. The first game was terrible and this one is no worse. Yes I've played it. Maxed out graphics on a PC - it looks like shit, it plays like shit. First person shooters are fucking a thing of the past because this is the garbage people are interested in playing. This guy is not clueless, he is informed. He probably played good first person shooters (before half life ruined them). What a joke this game turned out to be. It is great that Jeff likes it because I like jeff but I don't care about other peoples opinions it is a bad game. I'm mad I wasted money on it because my friends convinced me to buy it hurr it will be fun yup it isnt. Surprise. Another shitty game from gearbox.

Why don't you just stop coming back here then, ok thanks. Bye.

@steveurkel: Did Randy Pitchford shove the disc into your face and scream "PLAY IT!"? Did he forcefeed the box to you? I can't imagine any normal scenario in which a game would get somebody so pointlessly worked up. How do you react to things of actual importance? Incoherent babbling and throwing cups of urine at passersby? Good god, man, get some help.

@The_Nubster said:

I read until the part about it missing online competitive multiplayer. It's actually making me angry.

that's where i stopped too.

I'm loving the game so far, but then again I was huge fan of the original Borderlands. Truthfully, I can totally see how someone jumping into the game expecting a "COD" experience would be let down. That's this reviewers biggest mistake, he went into Borderlands 2 expecting it to be something that it was really never meant to be.

I just finished the original Borderlands (the end really blows btw, it's like someone kicking you in the nuts) I think that I will take a break before getting in Borderlands 2.

That is so bad. Hope he didn't get money for that.

"Dont worry everyone, they are getting someone else to write the video game reviews. My grandmother will be replacing him and will be reviewing COD: Black Ops 2. Expect to see the line, 'When compared to the Oprah show, this just seems confusing, violent, and just falls short of the greatness that is Oprah.'"

This comment made my night.

This....this....this is..

(Passes out from hilarity)

This was great. I mean I am all for people not liking the things I like, but at least have an informed opinion about it.

I do however wonder if this guy sometimes bites into an apple and says, "Man this orange doesn't taste right, and it's nothing like Call of Duty."

Geez, this guy seems to have no clue. The fact that he kept saying "wait for Black Ops 2" goes a long way in showing that he has absolutely no clue what Borderlands is or who it is for. God damn, man.

>:l

but this isn’t the type of deeply engrossing FPS game the headset-wearing COD crowds gather to play months and months after release. In comparison, I read on several sites that COD: Black Ops 2 will feature up to six teams, for a total of 18 simultaneous players, in multiplayer mode.

What the fuck?

This is best thing I have ever read.

"... I think it’s fair for players to demand the whole magilla – cutting-edge development, engrossing campaign gameplay, scads of downloadable content, a rich social media/community experience..."

'the fuck did I just read?

@Captain_Felafel said:

"... I think it’s fair for players to demand the whole magilla – cutting-edge development, engrossing campaign gameplay, scads of downloadable content, a rich social media/community experience..."

'the fuck did I just read?

Clearly a businessman's idea of what games need. Or a flowchart''s interpretation.