Dan Ryckert last edited by Scarzilla on 09/18/18 09:47PM View full history

Miscellaneous Facts

  • Did not know what a hatchback car was.
  • Believed the United Kingdom's currency was Euros.
  • Believed that all of Europe drove on the left side of the road.
  • Until recently, Dan did not know of the existence, or purpose, of a Car Title and Car Registration despite owning a car since he was a teenager. This caused him great turmoil when he recently visited the DMV.
  • Did not drive on the highway until he was 25.
  • Despite having a minor degree in History, he was not aware of the multiple theatres of engagement in Africa during World War II. The East African Campaign (June 1940 to November 1941) and the North African Campaign (June 1940 to May 1943), for example.
  • Once braved a bathroom inferno. He was "saved" by a random man who "put the fire out with his dick."
  • Signed up to dating site as a female to prank men into meeting him on a bridge wearing the same color at the same time.
  • Broke his television as a child spraying it with a super soaker because he didn't like "the fat guy from Whose Line is it Anyway?"
  • Owns a Ribera Jacket.
  • Until he was 25, Dan had never tasted ketchup, mustard, onions, pickles, relish, salad, or salad dressing.
  • Maintains that he has never consumed mayonnaise. Update: in 2016, Dan consumed mayonnaise for the first time and he said it wasn't something worth avoiding for 31 years.
  • Briefly held the Guinness World Record (along with three other Game Informer editors) for "Longest Fighting Game Marathon." They played Super Smash Bros. Brawl for 30 straight hours.
  • Dan was face scanned, and appears as a NPC in both LA Noire and InFamous: Second Son.
  • Over the weekend of August 6-7, 2011, Dan set the Guinness World Record for "Longest Mario Marathon." He played the following games for 50 straight hours: Super Mario 64 (completed all 120 stars for the first time in his life), beat Super Mario World, beat Super Mario RPG, and played some of Dr. Mario, Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2, Mario Kart 64, and Mario Party.
  • Dan hates Jose Canseco.
  • Dan ruined his eyesight as a kid by, for some reason, wearing glasses without needing glasses. He now can't see without glasses.
  • Dan believed that "egg whites" were egg shells due to their color and tried to cook just the shells in a pan. When nothing happened, he called his mother for advice and was told egg whites were not, in fact, egg shells.
  • Dan believes Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is a far superior movie in comparison to The Terminator. Update: After re-evaluating the two, Dan no longer views Terminator 3 as superior.
  • Dan has never drunk tea. Update: in 2015, Dan had some tea and claimed to like it.
  • He's a failed musician.
  • Has referred to acclaimed director Hayao Miyazaki as "Japanese Colonel Sanders" multiple times.
  • Once mixed up a hyena for a cheetah confusing and exciting co-workers about Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.
  • Thought that figs were actually made of sticks and wondered why people ate them.
  • Made friends with a person who was associated with the Russian Mafia. He gave Dan a ride home from the bar.
  • He has never been stung by a bee or punched in the face. However, he did punch a bully in the face as a child.
  • Dan has never seen a plum.
  • Dan only knows that lemons grow on trees because of a Simpsons episode.
  • He and his grandfather both have three nipples.
  • Dan would sooner enter a black hole than get into a hot air balloon.
  • Claims to have never eaten yogurt. Update: ate yogurt during Metal Gear Scanlon 5.
  • As of 10/24/2014, he has not seen Torque.
  • He does not sweat, except when wearing an Oculus Rift.
  • Has never had mushrooms.
  • On 2/17/2015 he finally accomplished his lifelong goal of defeating Iron Mike Tyson at the end of Punch-Out!!
  • He attended the infamous Konami E3 2010 press conference.
  • Dan allegedly leaked the "George Brett pants pooping" video.
  • Co-host of Danswers, a premium podcast with Danny O'Dwyer.
  • Claims to have the top score for "Erotic Photo Hunt" in at least 5 Minnesotan bars.
  • Only drinks water out of fancy water bottles, but claims to not drink out of "fancy things".
  • On 12/5/2015 Dan bought one of each item available on the Taco Bell menu and taste-tested them all, ranking them on a scale of 1-100. This was the first time he's ever had sour cream. He had to ask his then girlfriend if she knew it was good.
  • Before January of 2016 Dan had never eaten a hard-boiled egg. He had to ask Jeff Gerstmann how to do it. He later said it was good.
  • He has owned two Kid Rock albums, Devil Without a Cause and The History of Rock. He has even said that "Kid Rock's got some good stuff."
  • Really hates crabs.
  • Is (or was) "a good strange little man" in the words of Jose Canseco.
  • Determined by Facebook to be Jared Leto's body double.
  • In March 2018, the President of the United States was reportedly exposed to a five-second clip of Dan playing Fallout 4. The full effects of this exposure are not currently known.
  • Loves Walmart wholeheartedly
  • Vehemently dislikes Jojamart and Joja Corp.
  • Dan and Bianca Monda were the first couple to get married at the Taco Bell Cantina in Las Vegas on June 25, 2017 after winning the social media contest "Love and Tacos".
  • First realized that stealing property from others was the core business of the pirate profession during the "Skull & Bones" segment of 2018's E3 Ubisoft press conference. Dan proclaimed that he had not given the matter of pirates much thought up to that point in his life, and that he assumed they were "bad guys" because they killed people and made others walk the plank.
  • Did not know what pirates were until Ubisoft's E3 2018 conference.

Quotes

  • "I like the idea of Australia."
  • "Mr. Gorbachev, do a thing."
  • "Soren...isn't that the bad guy from the Lord of the Rings or something?"
  • "It was pretty cool when they asked you to design a snowflake, and I just drew a blue dick and it was just snowing like blue dicks for an entire level."
  • "I kinda do Dan Cam all the time when I just look around."
  • “I’ve never been sexually attracted to a dinosaur. Not even once.”
  • "I just didn't go to class. I drank and played video games for five and a half years."
  • "I feel like I would have been shot to death 15 years ago if karma existed."
  • "This game is my Jesus." (Dan Ryckert on Mario Party)
  • "Say what you will about Nintendo sticking with the tried and true, but I have no problem with that as long as it stays this fun."
  • "I do not like robot ladies."
  • "I'm never doing PCP, Jesus Christ. Or maybe I should do it all the time, I can't tell."
  • "I'm on the top floor, I'm on a mattress. If my apartment building collapses I'll probably just surf the mattress down."
  • "I want to see [Edge of Tomorrow] because I'm going to marry Emily Blunt. I'm going to ask for her hand in marriage."
  • "So every chapter Jose Canseco goes through a different time period and his small penis gets him in trouble."
  • "Fuck yourself in hell!"
  • "Have you ever referred to yourself as an 'Undying Shadow in a World of Light'?"
  • "I used to just go into AOL chat rooms and see if people would believe me if I said Adam Sandler died."
  • "So if I'm not a fancy guy with fancy tastes, I need to know, could I throw like a hundred chicken breasts in a bathtub and throw a sous-vide in there?"
  • "I've never had to punch a dog in the face."
  • "I'm not going to biology class here, I just want to eat a cow."
  • "I'm like the Batman of OKCupid."
  • "My dad is always excited when he goes out back to smoke, because every once in a while he'll see some frogs fucking back there. And he'll run into the bar and go 'Hey, there are some frogs fucking back there!', and then people go out there to smoke and watch frogs fuck I guess. That's what you do in Kansas."
  • "I like the idea of Toad as some sort of shitty drug dealer."
  • "If I had a knife in my head, I’d be courteous and lay down and die."
  • "That’s a pregnant lady, you’re not supposed to shoot them...or anyone, really. It’s illegal no matter what. Unless it’s Hitler or something."
  • "I may have bought a toy gun around this period and practised doing the twirl. That's a thing I did in college because I was a cool guy."
  • "I want to be a nice non-racist Dog the Bounty Hunter."
  • "It's past 3am here and my dad's house is filled with wasps. I'm gonna pass out soon and hope I don't get stung."
  • "I think 90% of the books I've read in my life were for pizza purposes."
  • "[Danny O'Dwyer] woke up on the floor of my dad’s house with my dad sitting there watching space porn."
  • "Metal Gear is some anime-ass bullshit."
  • "Does he deliver room service? Because I would tip a monkey a lot."
  • "God this is the coolest game… The President is surfing a Harrier piloted by a vampire!"
  • "Yeah! YEAH! Fuck yeah! That was cool as shit! You shot two knives and then shot him in his stupid head!"
  • "I am a lord. I am Lord Dan Ryckert."
  • "I want the world’s largest collection of Slap Nuts merchandise."
  • "Just use real words, we have plenty of them."
  • "Shame doesn't really enter the equation much."
  • "I think I’d freak out if I saw a crab close to me."
  • "If a power line falls on an island and there's only one dude and a squirrel there to hear it, does it make a sound?"
  • "Watching that Black Ops III trailer is making me excited for whenever I can finally chop off my dumb human arms and get robot arms."
  • "Akira makes Metal Gear look like Commando."
  • "Like what you like! And if some asshole like me tells you it’s stupid, tell 'em to fuck off!"
  • "That's not where dongs flap around, that's for bedrooms."
  • “I know more about anime than you, I'm better at fighting games than you, I'm more handsome. This is great.”
  • “Well I’d want to be a handsome robot so I could still do weiner stuff.”
  • "Satan’s a fella."
  • "What the fuck?! What is going on in Japan? Someone call the cops!" (after seeing Gal Gun 2 being played for the first time)
  • “God, I’m jealous of monkeys. They just seem like they’re having a good time all the time. They don’t give a shit… just smokin’ cigarettes and poopin’ in a diaper.”
  • “Silverfish are the Jared Leto of insects.”
  • “So Ryan Seacrest is like Carson Daly in a weird aspect ratio?”
  • “I have a drawer in my fridge that’s nothing but Taco Bell fire sauce. And that makes a pretty good marinade.”
  • "I'm the Doomba of the Goombas. I'm the party poopa of Koopa Troopas."
  • "That's the only way I can sleep any more at night, I just put two darts in my face and one in my dick and pass out."
  • "I'd be a fine robot."
  • "[Snakes] don't have butts, they're just scary belts."
  • "I got a 5.9 inch Pale Chub."
  • "I'm not some fucking male model, I just don't want to stink like shit."
  • "Do a Google."
  • "Don't mess with anything you can't put down your pants."
  • "Science doesn't involve math."
  • "Your boner sucks dick."

Rap Names

  • Dirty Dan
  • Colonel Ryckert
  • MC Surge
  • "The Spread Man"
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