This game is a crime against humanity

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development

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Edited By development

Spoilers, dummy.

For some reason I got an urge to replay Final Fantasy X. I popped open an emulator and turned on turbo mode to get through the slow-paced combat at 3x speed, and was done with the game in 3 days. Totally enjoyable. The combat is fun, there are plenty of side activities, and -- while all the "emotional" moments are totally awful and ridiculous -- there are a few parts with a few quirky npcs with a few quips that are genuinely charming. Above all, though, it has a decent core game that is fun to play... and the "core" story arc (excluding the awful dialog and acting) is actually fairly interesting to me. Overall it's a pleasant experience.

So, naturally, I wanted to play FFX-2, because I remember people praising it and I remember it getting positive reviews. Metacritic would mostly confirm that. Don't worry, I didn't just emulate the game, I went ahead and bought it on Amazon for 15 bucks.

To reiterate: this game is a crime against humanity.

It starts with a splash screen accompanied by music more suitable to Gran Turismo than what I thought should have been in a sequel to FFX. The intro sequence follows suit. My heart almost collapses into itself out of pure cringe-inducing, literally painful singing from a person who definitely should not be singing, according to her character. Little did I know it was only a kind of doppelganger, made possible by... garment grids? That's a whole other topic.

"I know who's got it goin' on." The motion-capture performance and music in this scene really drives it home.

I thought, "phew, I'm glad that's over." But, no. No, Development! Holy fuck, no; it's not over. It's the entire game. From the hot spring scene, where Rikku attempts to check out Yuna and Paine's boobs in the most alien way imaginable, to the airship shaped like a crab/motorcycle hybrid, to... well, every line of dialog, this game is responsible for the most physical pain I've ever experienced from a piece of entertainment.

Yes, I understand what this game is supposed to be. Sin is dead forever. It's a time of great joy. Yuna has gone off to explore the world and have fun while searching for one final MacGuffin related to Tidus (who, by the way, is fucking DEAD. Why is she trying to find him? She knows he's dead. She saw him die and disappear. Actually, he was never even real in the first place!). The game is intentionally very laid back and you're generally supposed to feel like you're on vacation within FFX's world. I get that. But it's done in a way that makes me think it's all the product of a 50-year-old man who's never actually seen humans interact before, let alone young women.

That's just the story. The combat is a total fucking mess. I camped out in the Thunder Plains for a half hour and got to level 30, and proceeded to slaughter everything in my path from then on without even bothering to care what battle option I was selecting. "Attack, attack, attack. Everything's dead. Repeat." The combat favors mashing attack as fast as possible, because taking your time and choosing the "intelligent" battle option will end with you taking more damage than if you'd just attacked the enemy normally. Not to mention that "garment changing" takes too long for me to care about mid-battle when I could just kill the enemy in the time it takes for a single dumb animation to play out (it still takes too long when you turn the animations completely off). Oh yeah, and every single enemy I fought (with the small exception of the Leblanc goons and some giant machine in the desert) is an exact copy-paste of an enemy from FFX. Yes, I understand the locations are going to mostly be the same, but not even adding new textures to the enemy models is pretty pathetic. How was this game received so well?

"What is our existence?" I gather 3 monstrosities together so we can blow off steam. No, really. That's a whole chapter.

I'm currently at a spot where I'm tasked with gathering musicians together (for the second time! The first time was just for fun! Yay!) so we can ostensibly put on a musical show for Spira, because it's "what they need"... or something. And fuck that. I'm done. This game is not for me. I don't know who it is for. Aliens? Toddlers?

Anyway, there's my rant. Felt good to vent after all the bad news lately.

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xyzygy

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#1  Edited By xyzygy

I found the story and the stuff you do in it to be mostly atrocious, especially the first half. The story stuff for the latter half is actually quite good because you learn more about Nooj, Paine, Baralai, Gippal, and Vegnagun as a whole.

But man, the sidequests were shitty. I think the game's combat is it's saving grace. Put it on Active and fast ATB charge and it turns into a pretty well done combat system. I suppose that's just a matter of opinion though. It's just a shame the game is structured into totally unnecessary Chapters and has you doing dumb side missions like what you've mentioned.

I actually just got the Platinum a few days ago and am very proud of that, because that also requires you to do some really stupid things for Last Mission, the most obscene being to complete it.

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Justin258

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#2  Edited By Justin258  Online

I don't know who it is for. Aliens? Toddlers?

@arbitrarywater and probably @demoskinos. For completely different reasons.

I think FFX seems like a really interesting game but I watched some of a Let's Play of FFX-2 and there's no way in hell I'll ever play that.

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#3  Edited By EuanDewar

I was 8 when I first played it and I was really entertained at the time by how wacky it was and how colourful the soundtrack could be.

Playing the HD version nowadays I don't think the gameplay holds up especially well for me but I do still enjoy it's silly streak somewhat. I wasn't super hot on FFX though in the first place so I guess I had less to lose.

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Hailinel

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I don't know who it is for. Aliens? Toddlers?

@arbitrarywater and probably @demoskinos. For completely different reasons.

I think FFX seems like a really interesting game but I watched some of a Let's Play of FFX-2 and there's no way in hell I'll ever play that.

I have a friend that forced herself to get the 100% ending and she hates herself for that to this day.

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Petiew

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Do you guys hate fun?

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obcdexter

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Welcome to my world ca. 10 years ago. Though I never liked FFX that much to begin with; so, at the time, I couldn't care less about being completely appalled by this atrocity.

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Veektarius

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FFX is one of my favorite Final Fantasies (I only hate half of the emotional moments, not all of them like you), but I could never get within a hundred feet of buying this game without alarm bells starting to go off. With the recent PS3 HD combo release, I've considered that I may finally go through with it, but... no. If anything, my experience with FFXIII-2 showed me how much I absolutely hate it when FF games try to switch things up by doing away with the large part of characters. Their characterization is just too hit and miss for them to limit me to three characters (especially when two of them are characters I already know I don't like!) and then for me to expect to enjoy myself.

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Musubi

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#8  Edited By Musubi

I dunno I'm down with the idea of FFX-2 and honestly If FFXIV hadn't come along on PS4 when It did I'd prob have spent a lot of time completing both. I've only ever played like the first 5 minutes of it though so can't really judge. I AM totally down with the Dress Sphere and overall Charlies Angels vibe though.

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SpunkyHePanda

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Nooj. Nooj isn't a name. It can't be, even in Final Fantasy world.

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DeadpanCakes

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I recently played it and...uhh... I liked it..

Granted, I was literally ignoring everything besides combat while I listened to the Bombcast Rewind, so maybe my experience was a bit skewed. So, it was something like a bunch of fighting, sandwiched between hot springs scenes and a massage minigame while listening to people talk about year-old video games and food.. But I genuinely enjoyed the combat and the silly transformations and collecting all the different outfits. I should mention, though, that I got to the part with the rotating platforms, and when I realized just going around and killing things wasn't making progress, I quit.

But, y'know, I had fun with it, so I guess that makes me an alien?

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#11  Edited By ArbitraryWater  Online

@believer258: speak of the devil and he shall appear!

I like FFX-2 because of how utterly stupid it is. It reaches borderline self-parody with some of the things it does and as someone who can get tired of the self-serious nature of Final Fantasy I really enjoyed that. I fully understand why someone who loved FFX would find this game (essentially a quick cash-in after The Spirits Within lost a bajillion dollars and forced Square to merge with Enix) insulting.

The combat is actually fun though. It's quick and snappy and has those ridiculous sailor moon-esque transformation sequences every time you change jobs. It's just the kind of dumb I can get behind.

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Animasta

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@believer258: speak of the devil and he shall appear!

I like FFX-2 because of how utterly stupid it is. It reaches borderline self-parody with some of the things it does and as someone who can get tired of the self-serious nature of Final Fantasy I really enjoyed that. I fully understand why someone who loved FFX would find this game (essentially a quick cash-in after The Spirits Within lost a bajillion dollars and forced Square to merge with Enix) insulting.

The combat is actually fun though. It's quick and snappy and has those ridiculous sailor moon-esque transformation sequences every time you change jobs. It's just the kind of dumb I can get behind.

I agree with you though I never completed it (that last dungeon was too much for me)

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Jesus_Phish

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Hey man. FFX-2 is by no means a great game but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and listen to you talk smack about that awesome crab/motorcycle ship. That thing was rad. RAD.

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FFX-2 is probably better in every way to FFX besides story which at least FFX-2 wasn't constant Tidus whining.

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Never played it myself, but I always understood people liked the game mostly for the combat systems. I've thought on occasion to try it, but...I just can't bring myself to.

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Fallen189

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Stop playing it then

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GERALTITUDE

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nah it's great.

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PK_Koopa

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I'm playing it right now on my Vita, but I'm not too far into it (nearing the end of chapter 1). I jumped right out of X to get into this one (which helped me confirm how goofy FFX really could be and it wasn't as great as I had remembered), and man this one is just bizarre. I was told that it was meant to embrace the unintentional silliness and kinda parody the original, but it's not it's just really dumb in a way that makes me groan. I mean if it was going all the way it just wouldn't have any serious moments at all but...they're there and it's hard to care.

The combat is keeping me interested so far, and if there's a sense of fun that I do enjoy it's how far they went with the animations when they're changing dresspheres. They're the only over-the-top thing that I actually enjoy.

Nooj. Nooj isn't a name. It can't be, even in Final Fantasy world.

I tweeted something along the lines of "what the hell is nooj" and the Urban Dictionary bot replied with this: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nooj

Also I just got to this guy and I'm in disbelief about his design. His hair was bad enough, but I can't believe his outfit is a one-piece overall with belts and a cyborg leg.

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EXTomar

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...if you insist in saying so?

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@deadpancakes: Yes you are an alien.

nah it's great.

I have the opposite opinion.

FFX-2 is probably better in every way to FFX besides story which at least FFX-2 wasn't constant Tidus whining.

Yeah, but at least Tidus dies in the end.

As for the rest of you guys, I'm sorry, but the combat is not good. You have all been led astray. I hate to be the one to tell you this.

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#21 rorie  Staff

I played X-2 for about an hour on the Vita and just don't think I can get much farther than that. The combat is so bizarre that it just makes me feel anxious.

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#22  Edited By Slag

I liked X-2's combat and job system better than X's. Although the enemies were not adapted properly to the new playstyle and went down way too easy.

That's about the only good thing about the game.

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#23  Edited By rjayb89

Pretty certain the real crime against humanity is the inverted horizontal camera movement in Final Fantasy XII.

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Dixavd

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I really like this game despite some of the abhorrent writing. But overall, I do think this story improves that of FFX and quite effectively represents how a world and its people change without the torment of Sin.

Also, the combat in this game is actually one of the best in the series (and it is one of the reasons I can't get into many of the NES style of combat system - because X-2 takes those ideas and impliments them in a much better way).

I think it's an underrated game similarly to that of Majora's Mask. FFX is my favourite game of all time, but I think it's shadow unfairly hinders the appeal of this game. I still enjoy them both, and nothing anyone else says is going to change that.

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#25  Edited By I_Stay_Puft

I enjoyed X-2 more than Final Fantasy X. Main reason is cause I didn't have to listen to Tidus whinning.

In all honesty if you just take it as a side story that's all it is. It's basically a reunion for the ff x fans to revisit old and past friends. Basically think of X-2 as the Final Fantasy version of the Brady Bunch movie.

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I skipped it back in the day and have no intention to ever try it out.

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#27  Edited By Fredchuckdave

Ecks 2 is a fun game with pretty good music, obviously there's a lot of stupidity involved and it's not nearly as good as XIII-2. No Tidus is a definite plus.

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Teoball

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I was exited for this cause I really liked FFX. So I pre-ordered it, I even got some FFX-2 fridge magnets that are still on my fridge to this day.
I played a few hours and got to the same place OP is at the moment. For some reason what broke me was pushing musicians through the ship.
I haven't touched it since.

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@believer258: speak of the devil and he shall appear!

I like FFX-2 because of how utterly stupid it is. It reaches borderline self-parody with some of the things it does and as someone who can get tired of the self-serious nature of Final Fantasy I really enjoyed that. I fully understand why someone who loved FFX would find this game (essentially a quick cash-in after The Spirits Within lost a bajillion dollars and forced Square to merge with Enix) insulting.

The combat is actually fun though. It's quick and snappy and has those ridiculous sailor moon-esque transformation sequences every time you change jobs. It's just the kind of dumb I can get behind.

This sums up my thoughts completely. X-2 is super dumb and I love it.

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ArbitraryWater

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@hunter5024: The SNES games are rather lighthearted, certainly, but when I think Modern Final Fantasy, I think of melodrama in abundance.

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Hunter5024

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#32  Edited By Hunter5024

@arbitrarywater: I would definitely say you're right about 13 being serious, but its sequels have more than their fair share of silliness. Also 7 and 9 are about as goofy as they come. They certainly have their melodrama as well, but I would argue that 4 and 6 have as much. 5 and X-2 are definitely the least serious though.

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@arbitrarywater said:

@believer258: speak of the devil and he shall appear!

I like FFX-2 because of how utterly stupid it is. It reaches borderline self-parody with some of the things it does and as someone who can get tired of the self-serious nature of Final Fantasy I really enjoyed that. I fully understand why someone who loved FFX would find this game (essentially a quick cash-in after The Spirits Within lost a bajillion dollars and forced Square to merge with Enix) insulting.

The combat is actually fun though. It's quick and snappy and has those ridiculous sailor moon-esque transformation sequences every time you change jobs. It's just the kind of dumb I can get behind.

This sums up my thoughts completely. X-2 is super dumb and I love it.

All of this. The story is DUMB. However, the combat is immensely enjoyable.

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#34  Edited By development

@smokeyd123: I just don't get that. Am I playing wrong? Even with the sphere-change animations turned off it's still much faster to just attack normally. The enemies will be dead in the time it would have taken for me to sphere change. Maybe I'm overleveled? Sure feels like it. I just run around spamming the "x" button, usually not even paying attention as I end fights in under five seconds.

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Yup, it's tragically fuckin' bad.

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