Embarrassing gamespot accounts

I knew I was going to be returning to a very dark period in my writing career in looking up my early stuff, but man, I forgot how I had written gems like this thing from my Viewtiful Joe review:

Sorry Wind Waker, but I must tip my hat to Viewtiful Joe in having the among the best graphics I’ve ever seen, cel-shaded or not. I’ll put it this way: Who knew cel shading could also be eye candy?

Not only does this make seem like a terrible person who couldn't appreciate artistic styles back then (I probably couldn't), but I'm pretty sure I couldn't make that statement with a straight face nowadays. I'll agree with my past self in so far as I still think Viewtiful Joe is a terrific game overall, but oh man, I probably couldn't bring myself to agree with my past self as to why that is.

Another fun quote can be found in the conclusion of my review for the GBA re-release of Super Mario Bros, a piece whose reason for existing I'm still thoroughly confused about to this day. Also bear in mind that I didn't beat the game prior to the review and didn't know about Wolpaw's Law.

For a mere $20, one can pick up one of the greatest games Nintendo ever created, all the while still retaining everything that made it a great game in the first place.

What this sentence means when you put both parts together, frankly I'm not sure.

One last great tidbit reveals how I knew next to nothing about western RPGs (or RPGs in general, really) because I had never played them on the PC and was mostly an action-adventure person until high school. This one comes from a review I wrote of Fable, which I had completely forgotten was something I once did:

Contrary to comments made by Lionhead's Peter Molyneux, Fable is not the greatest RPG ever. This is, of course, if you consider this game an RPG to begin with. It doesn't have your cliched turn-based system, but it doesn't also have the "linear, real-time battle system" the Tales series established. Instead, the game takes elements seen in most RPGs and impliments them in unique ways.

Essentially, the only way that this game is an RPG is the fact that it has the stereotypical experience points system, which is used as Fable's secondary currency for the purpose of upgrading your character.

Judging by how much attention and feedback my written work has general gotten since joining Giant Bomb, I sincerely hope I've gotten better than this. But I also can't even really bear to look at certain reviews I posted on here just a few years ago, too, so maybe I'll never be satisfied. If this trek back to my past work is any indicator, there might be a good reason for that.

Oh yeah, I wrote a lot of crap blogs/reviews back in the day. Now I'm a Top 100 reviewer member and somehow still kicking around that damn site (three or four years, Level 51). I wish I didn't delete my older reviews so I have something to look back on. Something to reflect and say, look how much I've "grown" since then. Sounds corny, but hey.

I think the most embarrassing thing about my account right now is my username. UGH. If only GS would let you change your name, but no...

I did the same thing yesterday. Fucking hell, could I not spell. Also I was an annoying asswhole...Hopefully these last five years have changed that, though probably not.

I found my old account here I wasn't very active, not that I'm very active here, but still less than 100 posts and pretty much no blogs/reviews.

Wow I have a Gamespot account, totally forgot about that. Nothing to embarrassing though I may not have made this sig today.

I was also complaining about not being able to play twilight princess with a GC controller on the Wii, which I think is still a perfectly valid point.

..............The True Hero Of The Triforce..............
..................... -~~Linkster7~~-.....................
__________________________________________________
About The Minish Cap
rexcowbam~The US version isn't supposed to be out until January....
and yet I just downloaded the English ROM.
Fire Striker~perhaps it is the European version

rexcowbam~Well yeah, but why is it in English???

http://gamespot.com/users/punkerxblaze

I don't know if I'm embarrased by anything other than the name, AND HEY THAT'S NOTHING NEW. I wrote two reviews; one for Sonic 1 on the GBA (I stand by it being terrible but goddamn did my review suck) and one for Gumboy Crazy Adventures, which isn't terribly written considering I was a sophomore in highschool.

"What makes this game so addictive is the simplicity of it's puzzles. Despite being so initially mundane, you'll find yourself aggravated sometimes by that one thing you just can't get Gum Boy to roll to, or the hill you can't seem to get across. This aggravation isn't, however, the kind that makes you want to pound your head on your keyboard, but rather the frustration that keeps you trying over and over again until you get it right and feel that wonderful rush of accomplishment.
The graphics in Gum Boy are rather simple, yet pleasing to look at. It runs on a 2-D plane using such things as particle effects and parallax layers to keep things interesting and eye pleasing. The 2-D images aren't low resolution or blurry, either, but crisp and clear all the way up to 1600x1200 screen resolution."

Here's mine... It's pretty bad. gamespot.com/users/mp1434/

I'm certain there are embarrassing things on my old gamespot account. Heck, I've got embarrassing older posts on my Giant Bomb account too.

@Linkster7 said:

About The Minish Cap
rexcowbam~The US version isn't supposed to be out until January....
and yet I just downloaded the English ROM.
Fire Striker~perhaps it is the European version

rexcowbam~Well yeah, but why is it in English???

Truly, we all faced deep, existential problems like this on a day-to-day basis back in the day. I sympathize with this sig completely.

Looking back at my old posts, I found that I un-ironically used the term "EPIC FAIL" on multiple occasions.

My Gamespot days were spent harassing people about Spider-Man and general forum rage. In some kind of defense, I was honestly something like 10-12 at the time. Got that out of my system, and briefly spent awhile there in a more civil manner.

You're bigger man than me. No way I'm sharing that shit.

i found my profile but nothing really all that embarrassing on mine. sortof plain and boring really though it's been a long while since i've even logged in.

well my account from back then was banned so yeah xD I believed I said some things about someone's mother that went a little far... god damnit well that's what you get for being like 13 at that time.

the only reason why i had a gamespot account was because i had a GameFAQs account. I like to think that i was a level headed guy, even back then. and that everything i might have posted was ironic or just a troll. i do remember telling some one that I created a GameFAQs account just to tell him how wrong he was, or something like that. and i do remember posting a lot of "enchanting" posts during the DAO.

We all have a past, let bygones be bygones I say.

@WilltheMagicAsian said:

Hey, after trying all my old emails I found an account I made. Sadly, no posts! (I don't even remember making this account) Just my old embarrassing handle.

http://www.gamespot.com/users/wi11_7h3_h4x0r

hahahah that is rough thanks for the laugh man kids are fucking stupid.

@Video_Game_King said:

There's actually a lot about GameSpot that I'd rather forget, just like everybody else here. What the hell were we thinking?

Yeah posting about the person above us in the System Wars Union to boost our post counts, what were we thinking?

@Unknown_Pleasures said:

@Video_Game_King said:

There's actually a lot about GameSpot that I'd rather forget, just like everybody else here. What the hell were we thinking?

Yeah posting about the person above us in the System Wars Union to boost our post counts, what were we thinking?

I guess we were thinking with our E-peen.

Luckily I've long since begun thinking with my real life peen.

@Linkster7 said:

@Unknown_Pleasures said:

@Video_Game_King said:

There's actually a lot about GameSpot that I'd rather forget, just like everybody else here. What the hell were we thinking?

Yeah posting about the person above us in the System Wars Union to boost our post counts, what were we thinking?

I guess we were thinking with our E-peen.

Explain this.

I didn't post anything, but my username is ms-cupcake and I think that just looks fugly, I might just register a new account before the codes are sent out.

My Gamespot account isn't that bad, it's my Newgrounds one that makes me cringe.

@LordAndrew said:

VGK still thinks that way.

No, it's something else altogether.

@Video_Game_King said:

@Linkster7 said:

@Unknown_Pleasures said:

@Video_Game_King said:

There's actually a lot about GameSpot that I'd rather forget, just like everybody else here. What the hell were we thinking?

Yeah posting about the person above us in the System Wars Union to boost our post counts, what were we thinking?

I guess we were thinking with our E-peen.

Explain this.

this made me lose it hard

@Video_Game_King said:

@Linkster7 said:

@Unknown_Pleasures said:

@Video_Game_King said:

There's actually a lot about GameSpot that I'd rather forget, just like everybody else here. What the hell were we thinking?

Yeah posting about the person above us in the System Wars Union to boost our post counts, what were we thinking?

I guess we were thinking with our E-peen.

Explain this.

Ehhh.....We are Legion ?

This is my review of GTA IV

I love this game to bits i love it and its my fav game i have spent hours of time on this and i still its great after finishing it i can go out and cause mayhem non stop all the physics make it so much different every time you play, if you havent played b4 (i doubt it) play it found it alot different from the other gta but thats a good thing i still can speed with out cops coming on me beat ppl up and go on rampages steal cars and get my moneys worth story plus the lost and damned is gunna be awesome ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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There isn't even a fucking fullstop! And yes, those numbers at the end are in there.

Apparently the last thing I rated was the gamecube version of Charlies Angels. With an awesome 2.0

I dont remember playing that game.

@ShaunassNZ: What do the numbers mean? Is it Ascii I´m not seeing?

Jesus, I was part of the Family Guy union?!? I want to go back in time and slap some sense into my younger self.

Here's my profile banner. I regret nothing. :P Even did the screencaps myself.

I refuse to look up my old account.

...I looked up my account anyway. I vehemently sided with Jeff's Twilight Princess review in that shitstorm, and I left 1.0 reviews for Kane and Lynch.

I was 17, so I guess I wasn't that bad.

I looked up my old account yesterday. It was pretty embarrassing but damn, I still love this old gif. B)

http://uk.gamespot.com/users/self/view_image?id=P4IL4Ux07h-Z7B7l

...I looked up my account anyway. I vehemently sided with Jeff's Twilight Princess review in that shitstorm, and I left 1.0 reviews for Kane and Lynch.

I was 17, so I guess I wasn't that bad.

You guys are insane.

I get embarrassed from seeing some of the shit I wrote just a few weeks ago. I like to lie to myself and say I was probably drunk and/or tired, or some shit like that.

I was totally an ass and pretty much said "fuck you gamespot, ban me! I'm with Jeff!". They totally suspended me and I haven't been back since. Don't remember my username or password.

I can't read that, seriously. It's breaking my brain, I have no idea what that says.

Always good to realize how far you've come in life!

My old Gamespot account name involves the word "Sephiroth" v_v SIGH....

I still use my embarrassing Gamespot account.

idead stealers!!

@Linkster7: I can tell you that I have no fucking idea.

I never actually made an account on Gamespot despite going there a lot. I did post on a forum when I was young (14-16 I think) and I've looked back on the some of the stuff I said. I was a complete doofus. Now I'm more of an asshole and jackass - still keeping the doofiness alive, of course, but I try to hide it behind my internet persona of thinking I'm better than everyone.

Apparently I didn't have an Gamespot account, at least not registered with any of the email addresses I still have access to. I guess I mostly hung around on Gamespy's Planet sites when I was 13.
But I know a lot of the terrible things I did on the Internet in the late 90's and early 00's are still, sadly, around.

I'm not going to say I'm dissapointed in you, but I'm certainly not proud.

I have Al Pacino as my profile pic, and I wrote stuff about movies... alot of stuff about movies. My spelling was worse than a 5 year old's, and my banner says "Welcome to the Family"... Fuck... How do I change these things?

I know of this user at GameSpot who is this whiny/ emo person who did nothing but write all these cryptic and disturbing stuff in her blog. The username is forgot2smile and these are some of things she wrote:

November 6, 2007 - die u b!tch
i try 2 read your blogs...look interested....
the indians were wrong...so...thers nothing i can do....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..................stop it...................stop it.....................stop it................... i try 2 end the pain...im so useless...........so stupid...........
die............die.........why the hell cant u just die?u stupid girl.....so ungly+stupid..rebel without a case............die.........die..........arent u listening 2 me?...........DIE...DIE...DIE...DIE....DIE...DIE.. i hate u stupid girl...but...u...is me....i hate me so much....hate...hate...hate...HAAAAATE ME.........
+i know im wrong
+i know im just a mistake..........

November 1st 2007 worstday of my life.2
phuck...i dont know what 2 say...dont have a lot of time...
that was a a really bad day...a teacher 2at school tryed 2 hit me ...my dad hates me....my mum doesnt care....dont wanna say more...cause i dont wanna remember....
anyway.....i really hate my life +self right now....i suck....
can u tell me why u like me?+dont ansewr things like u are cool..the truth...why u thing im cool...especialy when im not......T_Tdo not lie 2 me...
also:i adopted plits(luicifersbride) + tod(brokeninthedark) so now i have 2 daughters.....
im desperate...the things that are happening in my realworld family....are just out control...
luff u all....so...try not 2 hate me...

October 28th 2007 - Outside looking in
ihave a boyfriend...not cause i love him....but cause i need someone by my side.....
his 16.....he doesnt go 2 school....he works....hes sweet.....the sweetest guy i have ever meet...he has a motorbike....hes from albania.....his name is albert....his not emo,punk,goth or metall his just one of my "bad companies".......
when u have a crash on sameone are u thinking of him hugging u or phucking u?i dont really believe in love....i just wanna have fun.......
maybe he can save me from this madness....maybe not...
i wrote something
with a razor
on my wrist
it said "love me"
***i look so beautifull covered in my blood***
im sick of it all....this is so wrong.....but i just dont know what else 2 say.....
i m full of hate +pain......but even my anger ...is numb....
SAVE ME FROM MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP ME ESCAPE FROM THIS HELL.......I NEED 2 BRETHE.......
THIS IS HOW IM FEELING......LIKE IM OUTSIDE LOOKING IN.....IM DEAD...I JUST DONT KNOW IT YET....
ITS MY TIME 2 GO....BUT I DONT KNOW HOW +IM SO NUMB THAT I CANT DO ANYTHING.....
I HATE THEM ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ALMOST MORE THAN I HATE MY SELF!!!!!!!
i dont know what 2 do.....im so scared ...empty,angry +numb....so... i just pretend.....
sick of crying..tired of trying...yeah im smilling but inside im dying....
SAVE ME FROM MADNESS!!!!

Crazy, isn't it? There's plenty more where that came from. Scared the hell outta me back when I was a GameSpot user. Her last update was in December 2010. Maybe that's for the best...

Just as I expected, more of an asshole then I am here (if that is possible) and a major 360 fanboy.

Whenever someone said something negative to me I would said "Oh sorry, I didn't realize we were trying" even when it didn't make sense at all apparently.

PS. I was trying.

edit: My humor was amazing.

In a thread titled "Whats the most dangerous animal" I replied

trouser snakes!

I know of this user at GameSpot who is this whiny/ emo person who did nothing but write all these cryptic and disturbing stuff in her blog. The username is forgot2smile and these are some of things she wrote:

November 6, 2007 - die u b!tch
i try 2 read your blogs...look interested....
the indians were wrong...so...thers nothing i can do....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..................stop it...................stop it.....................stop it................... i try 2 end the pain...im so useless...........so stupid...........
die............die.........why the hell cant u just die?u stupid girl.....so ungly+stupid..rebel without a case............die.........die..........arent u listening 2 me?...........DIE...DIE...DIE...DIE....DIE...DIE.. i hate u stupid girl...but...u...is me....i hate me so much....hate...hate...hate...HAAAAATE ME.........
+i know im wrong
+i know im just a mistake..........

October 28th 2007 - Outside looking in
ihave a boyfriend...not cause i love him....but cause i need someone by my side.....
his 16.....he doesnt go 2 school....he works....hes sweet.....the sweetest guy i have ever meet...he has a motorbike....hes from albania.....his name is albert....his not emo,punk,goth or metall his just one of my "bad companies".......
when u have a crash on sameone are u thinking of him hugging u or phucking u?i dont really believe in love....i just wanna have fun.......
maybe he can save me from this madness....maybe not...
i wrote something
with a razor
on my wrist
it said "love me"
***i look so beautifull covered in my blood***
im sick of it all....this is so wrong.....but i just dont know what else 2 say.....
i m full of hate +pain......but even my anger ...is numb....
SAVE ME FROM MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP ME ESCAPE FROM THIS HELL.......I NEED 2 BRETHE.......
THIS IS HOW IM FEELING......LIKE IM OUTSIDE LOOKING IN.....IM DEAD...I JUST DONT KNOW IT YET....
ITS MY TIME 2 GO....BUT I DONT KNOW HOW +IM SO NUMB THAT I CANT DO ANYTHING.....
I HATE THEM ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ALMOST MORE THAN I HATE MY SELF!!!!!!!
i dont know what 2 do.....im so scared ...empty,angry +numb....so... i just pretend.....
sick of crying..tired of trying...yeah im smilling but inside im dying....
SAVE ME FROM MADNESS!!!!

November 1st 2007 worstday of my life.2
phuck...i dont know what 2 say...dont have a lot of time...
that was a a really bad day...a teacher 2at school tryed 2 hit me ...my dad hates me....my mum doesnt care....dont wanna say more...cause i dont wanna remember....
anyway.....i really hate my life +self right now....i suck....
can u tell me why u like me?+dont ansewr things like u are cool..the truth...why u thing im cool...especialy when im not......T_Tdo not lie 2 me...
also:i adopted plits(luicifersbride) + tod(brokeninthedark) so now i have 2 daughters.....
im desperate...the things that are happening in my realworld family....are just out control...
luff u all....so...try not 2 hate me...

Crazy, isn't it? There's plenty more where that came from. Scared the hell outta me back when I was a GameSpot user. Her last update was in December 2010. Maybe that's for the best...

@Psykhophear said:

The troll is strong in this one.