Ketchup and mustard (either yellow or brown) for a quick, utilitarian dog.
Chili, cheese, and onion for a basic chili dog.
If I'm dogging properly, any (but never all) of the following may apply, plus or minus the aforementioned ketchup and/or mustard and/or onion: Sauerkraut, tomato, pickle. Anything else is a hot dog crime, and offenders should turn themselves in to the hot dog police.
Relish? That's a misdemeanor. Relish is a bad food item, but the dog can theoretically be saved if you pile so much shit on it that you can't taste any of the relish.
Mayo? Felony. 25 to life. What are you even doing at that point? You murdered the hot dog. It ain't coming back after that. That hot dog is not pining for the fjords, it is simply a dead hot dog. I am lesser for having shared a planet with a mayo-slathered frankfurter. I am a believer in live and let live when it comes to food preferences, but this is the pineapple pizza of hot dogs, and I shan't stand for it.
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