Rate the last movie you watched.

@monkeyking1969: A lot of recent movies with an interesting premise turn out to be very trite because, as is the case of The Girl With All the Gifts, they are based on Young Adult novels.

@spartikalex: Well, he's pretty peculiar. Goes with beer

Fate/Stay Night Heaven's Feel trilogy.

Technically a video game adaption, but since Fate/Stay Night is a visual novel, so I would not call it that myself. Anyway, great way to close out the decade long Ufotable production of the dark fantasy series. Everything I've wanted a Fate/Zero sequel to be.

Soul - beautiful and touching

Well, Batman didn't help Affleck much. At this point little can hurt Affleck's career; however he is not getting a late career boost to his name like Robert Downey Jr did with Iron Man - that's for sure. ;-)

Affleck survived Gigli and Jersey Girl the guy's career is unkillable.

Apollo 13 4/4

I defy anyone to not like this movie. It's just enjoyable. Many historical films fumble at trying to take an infinitely complex real-world situation and turn it into a film, but the historical events of the Apollo 13 mission make for great cinema. Yes the tech is a bit hard to understand at times if you're not well-versed in that world, but you don't need to know that much detail. In the end it's about three guys on a mission to get home. You could argue it's overly sentimental, but that sentiment feels earned. You can't not smile at the final splashdown. It's a tightly-constructed, simple story that's a real crowd-pleaser.

"Dick Tracy's Dilemma!" from 1947. Perfectly servicable, some decent locations and photography, but nothing about it really stands out at all. Or, well, I suppose the opening comic book montage was pretty neat. 5/10 I guess?

Nobody(2021) starring-- Bob Odenkirk.

It was a fun little ride. Clocks in about an hour and half with credits which felt like enough. More than anything its really just fun to see Bob Odenkirk in a role like this. Besides the John Wick comparisons, which there are a few, its quite reminiscent of many other films of this ilk. If you've been watching action movies for a while you won't find much new here. However what's here is well paced and fun to watch. The action is a lot less stylized than the John Wick movies trading for a more Bourne Identity style instead(with a bit more blood), which I think really works for the character. It would be strange to see a guy Bob's size kick that much ass. There was also a fun little cameo from a very aging actor that I wont' spoil as I didn't know about it before going in and it was a nice surprise. I'm pretty sure most people have already decided if this a flick for them but in case your wondering how it fares I'd give it a solid 7/10.

Annihilation 3/5. From the things I've heard I imagined this to be a very high-concept horror film. Actually, minus the surreal ending, it seemed like a fairly standard monster flick. It would make a good video game. Various weird things come and try to eat you and you shoot them. I'm sure there are some interesting ideas here, but if there is any conceptual point to it beyond "biology is real weird" I guess it was lost on me. I actually laughed aloud several times at the dialogue and the comic timing of the violence. Some of the CGI was quite bad as well. That said, it had some very interesting visuals and it was enjoyable.

Godzilla vs Kong was super silly, but it was exactly what I needed so I guess 3.5 out of 5

@wollywoo: It's very much a what you see is what you get type of film. Last year I re-read the book and re-watched the movie and no, there isn't any depth there. It's visually compelling and a fun ride in that sort of "oh wow what is going on here" type of way but ultimately the movie only really cares about setting a mood instead of telling a compelling or even coherent story. The book does a bit better in this department because it explores a lot of the psychological aspects of the expedition and the shady government agency overseeing them.

I rewatched what we do in the shadows. It wasn't as good as I remember, but still enjoyable. The TV show is much better.

@spacemanspiff00: When I saw the name in the credits of the cameo you mentioned, I was wondering if I read it correctly. What a wonderful little surprise.

Nobody, 4 stars out of 5.

Fun little action movie. Probably a closer big screen adaption of Without Remorse by Tom Clancy than the upcoming Michael B Jordan vehicle with the same name. Seeing Christopher Lloyd blasting everyone he met with several shotguns and Rza doing gun-fu with a sniper rifle is what I call the real shit of that movie.

@spacemanspiff00: Oh, Christopher Lloyd stole this fucking movie al'right. Bob Odenkirk is fine in both the drama and action performance, but Mansell Senior blasted every men he met, except his two sons and the nursing home staff member, with shotguns, chef's kiss. Or was it Michael Ironside you were talking about?

Mortal Kombat (the new one). A solid 3.5 out of 5.

Better than i expected when it was announced. I have issues with it, but all in all its a strong action/martial arts movie. MK fans will likely find at least some thing to enjoy. Also Cole Young, while totally filling OC tropes, wasnt as terrible as he could have been. I would be up for a sequel down the line

@infantpipoc: Oh I am definitely talking about Christopher Lloyd =)

I saw the new Mortal Kombat movie. Full disclosure; I worked as an animator on a couple of scenes, but it was my first time seeing most of the film. I thought it was OK, a fairly solid B-tier action flick that had some good VFX and plenty of fan service. I felt that movie was at its best when being goofy and referencing the dumb franchise tropes, but kind of fell apart when it tried to take itself too seriously - the tournament/otherworld stuff isn't properly explained, and there's some glaring inconsistencies when it comes to powers/abilities, but I'm happy to give that stuff a pass in order to watch people get cut in half. And every scene with Kano is hilarious.

Mortal Kombat(2021), 2 stars of 5.

It's just bad, the I-would-rather-watch-x-y-and-z-instead provoking kind of bad on top of I-have-seen-something-better-on-tv kind of bad. Too many fights contain too many cuts. Warrior, an aiming for prestige series on HBO Max also starring Joe Taslim, has longer takes in its fights. And if I want cuts in fights, I would rather watch AMC's Into the Badlands, a wire-fu show with cuts feeling like action flowing from a panel to the next in a comic book.

@infantpipoc: Warrior is fantastic. I was so bummed when Cinemax cancelled all their original programming. Ecstatic when I found out HBO Max picked Warrior up.

Just finished Mortal Kombat a min ago.. I'm gonna saaaay.. 2.5 out of 5?

I'm not particularly a Mortal Kombat fan, but through the whole movie I kept thinking how this franchise could be mapped wonderfully to a high-budget trilogy. The same sort've structure as the Marvel movies should easily translate. Each movie having one of the main baddies from the games.. Goro or something for the first, Shang Tsung for the second, and Shao Kahn as your final "Thanos" threat. Each one introducing new fighters. Hints and teases at future appearances.

Obviously they didn't really do that I guess. And for me it just felt like they under utilized how bad ass these characters can be. The best parts were the fan service for me. A couple of the gory finishers, seeing some of their signature moves, and other random references. Wasn't enough though. Too many cuts in the fights. Lame music except for the small Mortal Kombat theme stings.

I know people love to hate on Annihilation but it's definitely my favorite in terms of characters and the costumes staying fairly true to their game counterparts. I thought the ninja's outfits were too busy in this one. Too much bulky armor. Was hoping they'd somehow strip back to their classic, more ninja-like outfits in the end. Liu Kang was pretty good (holy crap that crazy lean/muscular build hes got) except that bicycle kick shot was shit. I thought Mileena looked great. Kung Lao was good and maybe had the best finisher. Kano was pretty great. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa's Shang Tsung felt much more menacing in the old movie. Some of these characters I didn't even know. Flying bat girl? Guy with a big hammer?

Basically, I think they've could've done a bunch of stuff better. Studios don't think the franchise is worth that so oh well.

@mikebill1: If they make a sequel, and that is a big IF given my thought on the movie, they should just made Cole Young into Scorpion and be done with this original character bullshit.

@spacemanspiff00: As a Chinese, I was not too happy about their casting a Japanese British actor as the lead in a show about early Chinese immigrants struggling in San Francisco, but that pilot sold me the idea of him in terms of both action and drama. Guess that stage acting training is a fit for projects like this.

Guess what I really want to say is: on behalf of Andrew Koji, EAT YOUR HEART OUT, Benedict Cumberbatch!

@infantpipoc:Yeah I get that. And on some level I agree. He still has Hanzo's kunai that he used to summon him as Scorpion (at least I think he does?) so they could totally bullshit a reason in and be like "naw guys. when he uses it now Scorpion takes over his body etc. etc." but yeah. I get why people don't like Cole. Personally I didn't think he was as awful as everyone else did, but I totally get why people feel that way. All of this being said I will be super into it if they know people dont like him and say fuck it and make it so Scorpion just outright takes Coles body and just make him Scorpion fulltime. But like you said, that is IF a sequel actually happens

Mortal Kombat

So... I more or less went in with the same sense of "It is a fucking Mortal Kombat movie, what do you expect? and... I was still very disappointed. But I was also entertained (which is a lot more than I can say about 'Zilla vs Kong). Was discussing it with a friend and she kind of codified my thoughts with: It is just as "so bad it is good" as Annihilation but it seemed intentional. It was Michael Ironside in Starship Troopers and not Denise Richards. Most of the cast knew they were in a turd and they had fun with it rather than think it is gonna be their big break.

Plot: It was horrible but so are the MK games (even the new ones). So, whatever. Could have done without Goldy The Hedgehog or whatever Cole was but, whatever. I probably read too much into it but I like the meta commentary that you can't be good at MK unless you are a projectile spamming zoner and Jax's arcane tech arms was just so stupid it was funny.

Castings were mostly fine up until the fights started. And that was the big problem

Look, I have probably an unhealthy fascination with Joe Taslim so... yeah. And I think there were hints of some really good and clever fights. Sub-Zero vs Jax (it was in the trailer) had some cool moments with freezing the shotgun and treating things more as a grappler battle. Which actually makes a LOT of sense for Sub-Zero. He probably WOULD grapple a lot more than he does in MK (are there any real grapplers in MK? I guess Ferra-Tor?). Similarly, the climactic fight between Sub-Zero and Scorpion (and the intro fight) were good but horribly edited. I don't need a oner (and don't want it since I know that REALLY sucks for the fighters) but it seemed like every single hit was a different take and it never really capitalized on the cool power based transitions. But it tried and stuff like the blood knife (trailer) and the various projectiles were cool. Give me more of that. Give me a movie with no plot that is just a bunch of fight scenes that show how frigging cool those powers would be in a "real" fight.

Mostly, I blame the non-fighters. Notebook girl and Jimmy Olsen... I would like to think they tried. They had the right tone and nailed the "so bad it is good" that the movie needed outside of fight scenes. But they were REALLY not good at the fight scenes and it mostly just led to really one sided affairs with a few spots and a finisher... Jesus Christ, they made a WWE movie. And while learning to fight GOOD is not a skill they really need in their careers, I am reminded that Julie Estelle apparently had no martial arts background whatsoever and made her hammer girl scenes GOOD. The fight coordinator and director just didn't seem to prioritize their time for a movie based on the games based on Enter the Dragon.

And the fact that people needed to be reminded about forty times that Liu Kang and Kung Lao were in the movie in the lead up kind of sums that up. I get it, Liu is boring as hell (he is a monk who spent his life learning to fight for a tournament). They mostly felt like they were there because Asano (Holy shit, Raiden was Asano!?!?!) didn't feel like coming to the set and they needed someone else to do his dialogue. But even with that they were almost as jobbery as Reptile, who is kind of contractually required to be a jobber at this point.

As for Kano... he was probably carrying most of the movie. Which really sucked because they should have just cast Johnny Cage if they wanted a wise cracking asshole to annoy the protagonists. Kano is an EVIL mother fucker and the 90s movie understood that. You should not cheer for Kano. You should need a shower after interacting with him and check to make sure the door is locked at least five times because you are really afraid of what he is going to do to you. When Sonya killed Kano in the 90s it was a "FUCK YES!!" moment because he REALLY fucking earned that. Kano should be like Ashur from Spartacus: A true monster who you can't help but smirk at some of his antics and then IMMEDIATELY feel horrible because he has just done yet another truly unforgivable thing. Instead, we get Marvel's Loki where we know they'll find a way to make him a good guy if there is ever a sequel.

Overall? I would say it was the second worst live action MK (the animated series is above and beyond trash). Had some of the cool "modernized" takes that I liked from the one with Jeri Ryan and the power ranger and was still a lot more coherent than Annihilation (I unabashedly enjoy the USA show about Kung Lao).. Mostly I came away entertained but disappointed at how much they left on the floor. If I caught that on TBS or something in a hotel I would leave it on but I doubt I am ever going to go back and watch it again. But I will definitely watch any sequel

2/5

... Also, he might be too old for it but I want Stephen Amell as Johnny Cage if there is ever a sequel. He actually can do pretty decent fight choreography AND has the right kind of "douchebag with a heart of gold" that I think they would need after how Kano was used in the first movie.

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@infantpipoc: Yeah, I had the same reservations. But he nails Lee's vicious swagger AND manages to carry the more dramatic and "subdued" moments in ways that I can't imagine any other actor in that role.

Like, it isn't GREAT that all AAPI nationalities are interchangeable in these productions (although, that is true of actual AAPI productions too) but it still feels more like they are casting based on looks and acting ability in the same way that half of hollywood seems to be from the UK and New Zealand. So I can't get TOO annoyed since that seems to be "equality" as it were. I would have still preferred the Lee-expy role to be a Chinese actor on principle but it also is pretty fitting as the story of Warrior is increasingly "universal" to the AAPI in America experience.

@mikebill1: I find the character just fine. By "bullshit", I mean the way franchises were handled for the past decade, starting with Benedict Cumberbatch as Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness.They claim "original characters" to be entry point for new audience, then panicked and put fan-service in. The end results, in my opinion, always left something to be desired.

@gundato Ah, yes. Even with the casting choice, Warrior overall is heads shoulders above most of what Hollywood put out involving Chinese culture. At least it handles the Chinatown bit right in terms of what immigrants holding on to. Seeing Fen Hai being unapologetically Mongolian in second season is quite surprising, since their leader fight with strike-backed kenpo rather than Mongolian wrestle. Andrew Koji as Ah Sham is quite like Bruce Lee in his youth. But if Lee himself had lived to write, produce and act in the show, he might have played the slightly older and wiser Li Yong, the Joe Taslim character. The fight between those 2 in pilot definitely has a vibe of post-Enter-the-Dragon Lee teaching pre-Big-Boss Lee a lesson: you are good, kid. But there is an arena of good, but not better fighters here. Alas, if 2021's Mortal Kombat has one fight shot like that, it would have been significantly better in my book.

@infantpipoc:Ahh. right. yeah, I totally get that. If they had just made him a guy who is good at MMA and Raiden was all "Hey. your good at fighting. wanna fight some monsters/people/monster-people to save the world?" it would have felt a lot better despite being way simpler. Him being a descendant of Scorpion was suuuper obvious from the moment he first appears in the film but part of me wishes they had gone a different route like Scorpion haunting him for some reason. It almost felt too obvious that I kinda hoped I was wrong. Hopefully they make him less of a OC and make him feel like he deserves to be there because as it is, he really is taking up a spot for a legacy character and justified it only by killing Goro and gaining the power of Deus Ex Machina. But yeah like you said. By the time I was done watching it, something felt missing. I'm hoping for at least one sequel so we can maybe see if they can course correct, because it honestly wouldn't take a whole hell of a lot for me to be pretty happy with it

Mortal Kombat

I'm not a hardcore fan, but I feel like anyone who's played or seen these games know the characters and what they do. It's not exactly deep lore when my 60 year old dad still recognizes Scorpion and Sub-Zero. That being said, a lot has been mentioned that I whole heartedly agree with in this thread, but I guess my two cents is how can you have these larger than life characters played by the most boring actors ever? That to me is the biggest flaw of the movie.

2/5, I wish I re-watched the original movie instead of watching this to be honest.

0/5 Mortal Kombat (2021): one of the most disappointing movies ever made. 1 hour and 40 minutes of nothing has happened (and explaining the nature of characters like Star Wars ruined itself with midichlorians), only to have it wrap up 15 minutes later as if it was proud to show you absolutely nothing worth watching.

@infantpipoc: The way I view it is that Ah Sahm, Li Yong, and Chao are all the same "character"/warrior at different points in their life.

Ah Sahm is the kid full of piss and vinegar who will fight anyone who looks at him funny because he has something to prove. He refuses to compromise from his ideals and will go down in flames because of it. That is why Ah Sahm (and Mai Ling) have brought chinatown well past the brink of war and, if this actually gets a planned finale, there is no way he is surviving it.

Li Yong is the man who doesn't fight because he doesn't need to. Everyone knows that going up against him is death and on the rare occasions he needs to prove it... he does. He is looking for a chance to make a difference with what time and power he has left in the same way Ah Toy is.

And Chao is the man who has been through ALL the shit. He knows he is past his prime and needs to fight smarter, not harder. But, more importantly, he has largely given up on his ideals and is just interested in protecting the people he loves no matter what distasteful things he needs to do. He wants a better world but not at the expense of his loved ones.

I think if Lee had made this around the time he died he probably would have portrayed Ah Sahm even if his writings very clearly put him a lot closer to Chao and his role in film (and, to an extent, society) was very much Li Yong. But if this were being made decades later? He would very much be Chao.

@gundato: Yeah, good points.

Also, glad you brought up Spartacus on Starz in your thoughts about Mortal Kombat 2021, because I suspect that show is instrumental in the modern MK games being gratuitously gladiatorial. As if back in 2013 someone in Netherrealm binged through that show during their post Injustice launch break and told the team to add more CG gore and guts into MKX then they keep doing that in MK11. I only heard about the infamous face cutting in MKX' E3 2014 demo, that just reminded me the time Spartacus cutting someone's face off and the brain was shown in season 2.

MK 2021 was alright, but the 1995 film was unironically better. This new one felt like the script needed one more go around before filming, with the weird indecisiveness around the main character and their possible transformation into one of the established characters from the games being an example of the script's problems. Overall it was still enjoyable, the Sub Vs Scorpion fight at the end being the highlight, however it isn't as solid as Id hoped.

Double-feature of The Room (2003) * and The Disaster Artist (2017) ***½

The Room mostly lives up to the hype of the allegedly worst movie ever made. I find a lot of the "so bad it's good" movies to be mostly boring, but that can't be said about this movie. Still I had to take several breaks to get through it. I won't spoil it for anyone who's interested in watching it. I like how they subvert expectations of Chekov's gun by introducing things that have absolutely nothing to do with anything.

The Disaster Artist is a story about that movie, but not to worry, you don't have to see the original to enjoy it. It's a fun, lighthearted story about following your passion despite literally everyone telling you that you don't have what it takes. James Franco's performance is exceptional as the disaster artist himself, he won the Golden Globe for it, yet shockingly wasn't even nominated for an Oscar.

As the annual rich people circle jerk is upon us again today, I want to take this moment to say: Fuck the Oscars. For many reasons.

Tenet 2/5

The set pieces and action are great, but what a confusing movie with so many plots moving in different directions. Inception at least you could come away with with a very developed thought-out opinion of whether you like/not like the film while also leaving a lot of cookie crumbs for subsequent viewings. I understand Tenet needs to be viewed multiple times to "get it" as well, but definitely less interested in doing that.

Sully - 4/5.

Finally got round to seeing it and it's pretty well done. For a film that effectively has two things in it (the crash and then the investigation) Clint Eastwood gets a lot out of it. No doubt bolstered by the fact that pilots can talk at length about the details. Solid performances all round and just a good watch.

So Close: The review of Newcastle United's 1995/6 season - 5/5

Okay, it's not a movie but I had to revisit it. I lived this but can't remember much beyond the death-throws of the title challenge. It reminded me just how nuts that team was. Soccer's all about shape and discipline now but there was NO DISCIPLINE in that squad.

Kevin Keegan talks really positively about his players and what they did and you get a very clear sense that he buys players that do cool things. Like how Phillipe Albert would always creep forward and act like an extra attacker. Kevin saw that and was like, "WELCOME ABOARD." And the same happened with Tino Asprilla. Had an awesome debut and then decided he had to start every game because THE MAGIC COULD HAPPEN AT ANY MOMENT.

Glorious, mad chaos from a side that were maybe minutes and inches away from something ridiculous. And I don't think you could even attempt to do that today.

I recently finished reading "The Book Thief", which is one of the most touching and uniquely written novels I've ever read, so I thought I'd check out the movie version.

Utterly terrible. Completely misses the point, removes key scenes and replaces them with nonsense, rapidly jumps from one scene to the next with little context. Poorly cast.

1 out of 5 popcorns.

@hhap: I feel baffled by people finding Tenet's convoluted but boil plate nonetheless spy thriller plot so hard to follow... I mean the timeline might be bit much to line up but that's inherent with time travel story. Besides, the plot is just the most spy action movie 101 stuff. What's so hard to "get" in one single viewing?

@apewins: There were accusations made against James Franco at the time, so those cowards at the Academy took it away. I have no idea what Franco had or had not done allegedly, but that's the Academy for you,

Twister

Man this movie is somthinggggg else. I remember it selling pretty well and a lot of people watched it but damn there are some parts in that movie that are just kinda wack. The main problem I have with the movie is I'm pretty sure during a meeting they just wrote on a white board "Monster movie but monster = Tornado?!?!?". They really just try to ham up the twisters as the "evil monster" and trying to get revenge against vs a non-living thing seem pretty dumb?

The main guy, bill Paxton, is also a super push over. With in like 20 min he pretty much leaves his fiancé for his x, gives his x his truck, and over all kinda says fuck his new weatherman job. Like word dog?

Also, the end of that movie is kinda, messed up. So the end of that movie is the crew getting there tornado tracker thing working and the main guy is now officially getting back with this ex-wife. But this is all in the backdrop of this couples house that got destroyed. Farm, sheds, barn all destroyed. But the crew is running around crying in joy and are like "OMG WE GOT THE DATA WOOOOOO".

But on the plus side. Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays as this stoner computer nerd who blasts a rainbow song. So that was pretty tight.

2 destroyed houses out of 5

Jackie Chan's "Police Story"

A 2/5 movie, with awful pacing, story beats and horrendous dubbing, bookended with a spectacular bus stunt at the start, and an incredible mall destruction scene at the end, that was 5/5

Overall 3/5

Crazy Rich Asians 4/5

One of the better romcoms I've seen that came out this decade. The plot is very predicative but what sets it apart if the cast and it actually is genuinely funny at times.

Koyaanisqatsi 5/5

Bought this on a whim after hearing some crazy good things about it from some Discord pals. Very rarely have I ever seen a film live up to the term "an event," but my god Koyaanisqatsi pulls it off. It is an event, a dialogueless Documentary charting the beauty of the natural world to the encroaching influence of technology. All to the amazing soundrack from Phillip Glass.

The whole film is on youtube, but I implore anyone interested to check out the Criterion version of it. Transfer is unreal, and there's footage that looks so good that it made me feel like I was peering into a time machine. The movie was released in 1983, but the footage is from the late seventies, but it feels real in a way that most films don't quite capture that era. This is a movie I would love to see on a big screen.

@sombre: To be fair...The Police Story films are very much martial arts showcases first, movie second. Everything is just an excuse to get to those fights.

Not sure which was last:

Friday 4/5

Dumb and dumber 4+/5

Friday the 13th 3/5

Parasite 2019

+

Shoplifter 2018

Must Watch

A lot of social commentary.

Among other things, he removed genital guards from scene partners of his during scenes depicting oral sex and sprang scripts containing sexual content on acting students of his with no advance warning.

Oh wow, Anninhilation slander in here? Personally, I found it a hugely moving allegory for an untreatable disease taking control of the body and how various people cope with/come to terms with the end of their life. It was also a gorgeous movie with one of the best climaxes I've seen in years - honestly, the movie is one of my favorites full stop. I love that they made a movie about such a sad subject and managed to make it anything but sad. It has a beautiful remove to its subject matter as well that helps it stick the landing a lot better than Garland's other movie with similar themes, Sunshine.

Interesting to see anybody watching that movie and thinking the monsters were the point. Oh well!

Anyway, Army of the Dead (1/5)

An artisinal grilled cheese food truck does sound like a good idea. Is now the best time?

There's a dumb, fun 90 minutes in here somewhere, but being as the whole thing is shot in this weirdly soft, vérité style and runs over 160 minutes, all the good bits are swamped in all the same mistakes Snyder's apparently unable to be kept from. This movie should've been focused on its sets and its set pieces while letting the tried and true metaphors of classic zombie fiction work for themselves. Instead, in an ambitious attempt to marry melodrama to bombast Snyder fails to escape the shadow of his DC Universe. I'd even argue the opposite of many, more positive reviews I've seen - freed from IP, Snyder's attempts at humor are fully caustic and his interpretation of character motivation fully void.

All that said, this is a great "Netflix movie" with its diverse cast of characters, clever balance of edginess and Americana and a lot of images that are cute on their face. I think everyone who gives this thing a spin should know how they'll feel about this movie by the end of the opening sequence and credits, in which for me every single joke fell flat through a combination of pacing, editing, dialogue and cinematography but for others will culminate in a "look at that Elvis cosplayer!" and elicit a big belly laugh.

I have to admit I was just lost from that point on - I see a version of this movie that's a really good time, and I don't even think every joke is bad. They're just delivered with such humorless, dry style and smothered by so much histrionic dramatic material that I have to wonder just how much the momentum of the Snyder Cut had to do with this thing even finding a distributor on this scale. Please don't tell me this was in production prior to the beginning of Snyder's redemption tour...

The sort of movie you'd stare at on a Blockbuster shelf in the '90s for five minutes before shrugging and moving on, accepting there's probably a reason this movie went straight to VHS - ahem, Netflix. Like a lot of albums I was offered to review back in the day, or my review of Deadly Illusions, I have to offer the caveat that without the platform Netflix provides I could've just let this find its audience and only its audience, same as Jarhead or Starship Troopers have transformed into iconic Walmart dollar bin staples with multiple sequels that nobody needs to bother themselves with. Army of the Dead skips ahead to that vibe while pretending to be a good time.

I guess I could've just let it be anyway, but I do genuinely enjoy Snyder's DC Universe in all its bloated, desperate glory and hoped maybe he'd reach another level of crazy set free from corporate influence. Instead, he made a Scorpion King sequel type movie that's as long as Goodfellas and takes itself almost as seriously. Bro.