Shyness is just fear of what other people think of us. Some people don't want other people to judge them so they try to minimize interaction with them. Other people want to avoid interaction because they've been hurt repeatedly by a certain group of people and they don't want to risk that happening again. As Sartre said: "Hell is other people". We view ourselves with what other people give us to think of ourselves. If all you've ever heard from others through grade school was mean and hurtful things, you will most likely believe that everyone views you in that way and avoid contact or develop shyness and aversion to others. Shyness, in a sense, is a defense mechanism of sorts that people use to avoid being judged or embarrassed. But it is still a natural emotion that can be overcome over time. The more extroverted someone becomes, the more likable their actions appear to others. People who aren't that shy make stupid jokes and act perform embarrassing acts but if you aren't afraid of acting that way, other people pick up on it and are attracted or amused by them.
tl;dr: Shyness is a natural emotion and can be overcome. Honestly, just don't be afraid to be yourself. If you are hesitant or are not confident in yourself, others can pick up on that. DON'T FEAR OTHER PEOPLE. What do you have to lose?
" @angelkanarias: I've learned not to really care anymore, but what I listed is the root of the problem and it just stuck. As to why I'm depressed so quickly is that what I wrote snaps me into the reality that I really don't have anything to be proud of or happy about mainly because I literally have no one. "
I don't have that many friends, but I'm sure I'll get to know new people in college. As plop said it is an opportunity. Joining some kind of activities should also help you even if you don't get to really connect with people, at least you'll get busy. Hope it helps.
@rjayb89 said:
" I know how you can deal with shyness. Circle jerk. Solves everything really. "
@angelkanarias: I connect with people a whole lot better on the internet than I do in real life, which is a sad thing, but at least it's something. *It's the reason why I'm here now.
" To the OP and virtually everyone else in this thread. This is going to sound mean as hell, but you all need to nut up. In all seriousness, it's a frightening first step but once you make it, a whole world of possibilities opens up to you. You'll also live a much fuller life. You may think you're not missing much, but honestly, there really isn't anything else like the camaraderie of other people, or being with someone else who knows you on a personal level you didn't think existed. I'm very serious, make friends, get out there and hustle for that ass. Do something. The longer you stay shut off from the world, the harder it's going to be to finally break out of this funk you're in. Nobody bats .1000, ever. Getting rejected is kinda like getting your ass beat for the first time; it sucks but it's also very liberating because you realize it's not the end of the world. Seriously Bombers and Bombettes, show some sac and live your life. "
not protesting about anything, just making a constructive question of the real use of shyness. If the comments diverged into a dark toned mood, I can't do anything about it. people are free to express themselves.
" Some people in this thread have claimed to overcome shyness. I would personally like to hear their stories of how they've done it, but it seems like its possible to overcome shyness at any point if you work at it hard enough. "
It's as if this seems directed at me, even though I know it isn't. Well, honestly, I'm not quite sure if I've overcome shyness; it's weird. I can talk to anyone with a straight face without hesitation—I don't even have any problems speaking in front of large groups of people—but I always feel uncomfortable speaking to someone (I never show it), especially when it's a "normal" discussion. Just being around other people makes me feel... bad. It's why I always prefer to be inside than outside.
And this thread really reminds me of this anime called "Welcome to the N.H.K." that I believe some posting in this thread might enjoy. It's about this super reserved "hikikomori" (Japanese term for reclusive people who have decided to withdraw from social life) trying to overcome his shyness problems. Here's an AMV of it:
" Yes, I'm very shy, and my reasoning is justified. 1. People think I'm weird once I talk to them and look at them. 2. My self-confidence is shot because of the negative feedback people give me even when it's said behind my back and I find out later. 3. I'm not generally liked because I'm not a typical man. (Don't like sports, drink, like being outside etc....)4. I'm not a very good looking person.5. The negative things are much easier to believe than the positive things. So yeah, I'm pathetic. Thanks for creating a thread that got me depressed again, and right before when college is about to start. "
If you're pathetic then I'm pathetic, and you know what, there is nothing wrong with it. I love being different, I mean whats wrong with being different.
I used to be pretty shy when I was younger. Talking to people was not really something I enjoyed, and I was very quiet. I'm still quiet today, but that's just because I don't really have anything to say. I think I just stopped giving a shit about what others thought about me, and after that things started to improve. I can't say I like talking to people or giving presentations but, and this may sound a bit sociopathic, if I can gain something from talking, I will look you in the eye and talk for hours if necessary.
But if you're shy, force yourself to look people in the eye when you have a conversation. If you can't do that look at their forehead, they won't notice. Also, just stop giving a shit. It might be difficult to do, but it works amazingly well. If you're afraid of saying something stupid well, you will say stupid shit at times, but if you keep talking something intelligent is bound to come out of your mouth at some point. Oh and at presentations, use your hands. I don't know why it works, but if you talk and move your hands people are more inclined to listen to you. Look at the news and other media, presenters who are standing up do it a lot. If they don't, the camera angle will change quite a bit to keep the viewers interested. It might seem a bit stupid, but it is extremely effective.
To explain, I have Social Anxiety Disorder, which makes me a nervous wreck around people, to the point where i almost never leave my house if i don't have to (gone out like 4 times total this summer) and i'm usually absent from school because i used to be made fun of because of my weird fingers. I've gotten better though, used to be really pessimistic and i would hold grudges like a mofo over the smallest things, especially in 7th grade where i got bullied alot by the older kids on my bus, as i was the only 7th grader and since i didn't talk i would look out the window, which for some reason pissed them off and they decided it was fun to smash my head against the window. But in 8th grade i moved houses and some of my friends were in my classes, thats when i learned to let arguments go because i find it a waist of time, still a nervous wreck around strangers though, to the point that i'm almost constantly in flight or fight mode when in crowds
" A personality trait like any other. In time you'll come out of your shell most likely. i've seen it happen with many of my friends. Also i happen to know a lot of girls find it cute :p "
I certainly hope so.
@Apathylad said:
" Nope, I'm not shy. Here's a picture of my naked body as proof. "
" @Tireyo643: Man college is the perfect time to start new! Fuck what other people think, think positive about yourself and it will reflect on others "
People often say that—how college is the place where you can change the way others perceive you socially as it's a fresh start—but I can't believe that it would be so easy for someone to reconfigure the personality they had for most of their life up until that point. "
Its not easy to reconfigure at all. The people who do are usually manipulate scumbags we call "tools."
@FluxWaveZ: Hmm perhaps you're just anti-social? Or possibly you still have some sort of self-concious issue thats bothering you? I kind've understand what you mean, sometimes I get that '' Ugh I'm just gonna do something more fun than talking...'' feeling when a conversation is too boring/uninteresting to find enjoyable. Or when I don't know much about the subject. It sounds like to me though that you prefer to not talk one-on-one with people, which I find awkward sometimes too, unless its a close friend I'm talking to. I prefer to talk in groups when my peers are all talking too so then it feels less awkward.
" Yes, I'm very shy, and my reasoning is justified. 1. People think I'm weird once I talk to them and look at them. 2. My self-confidence is shot because of the negative feedback people give me even when it's said behind my back and I find out later. 3. I'm not generally liked because I'm not a typical man. (Don't like sports, drink, like being outside etc....)4. I'm not a very good looking person.5. The negative things are much easier to believe than the positive things. So yeah, I'm pathetic. Thanks for creating a thread that got me depressed again, and right before when college is about to start. "
If you're pathetic then I'm pathetic, and you know what, there is nothing wrong with it. I love being different, I mean whats wrong with being different. "
By the way you put that, it's as if you are related to me. Creepy. = - P lol.
" Yeah, I'm shy. Explanation? I was hated and bullied by the way I looked and the way I thought and eventually I had serious problems socialising with other people. Its not as bad now but its still there. :p "
Exactly that. When I went to school, gaming wasn't accepted yet either...
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