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Krotchy is a fictional character in the Postal universe of games. He is a cartoon mascot designed as a giant scrotum with Mickey Mouse-like limbs and gloves, and his action figure likeness is sold-out all across the town of Paradise, AZ. His cartoon companion, Larry the Crab, seems conversely unpopular, as the store in-game is stocked full of Larry the Crab dolls. His voice is high-pitched when you use the Krotchy doll inventory item, but the in-store mascot has a deeper voice and carries a heat-seeking rocket launcher on most difficulties. He also plays a role in the movie adaptation of Postal, directed by the infamous Uwe Boll.

Role In Postal 2

"Mommy said only my priest can touch me there!"
In Postal 2, the player, as Postal Dude, is given a list of errands to do while trying (or not...) to maintain their temper. On Thursday in the game, the Dude is tasked with finding a "Bad Touch" Krotchy doll for Postal Dude's Wife. Upon reaching the toy store in the mall, the Dude meets and briefly speaks to the mascot promoting the store, and upon entering, finds that all the Krotchys are sold out, but the store is filled to the brim with Larry the Crab dolls, and so in his pursuit of finding a doll, he ventures into the back storage space.

Several store employees attempt to accost the Dude, and upon finding a doll for his wife, the police burst into the store, conducting a raid, and so as he escapes, the Dude is evading both the police and the disgruntled toy store employees. Upon emerging from the back door, the Dude finds the Krotchy mascot standing between him and the exit with a rocket launcher pointed at him, and must either kill Krotchy or very carefully evade him and his heat-seeking rockets, and flee the mall with toy in tow, law enforcement still hot on his trail.

10th Anniversary Collector's box, featuring the fictional KrotchyO's cereal.
10th Anniversary Collector's box, featuring the fictional KrotchyO's cereal.
Much like many scenarios in Postal 2, there are alternate methods to complete your errand for the day with as little trouble as possible. Obtaining a Krotchy doll is one of these scenarios. The player can opt to engage the store mascot in conversation regarding the availability of the dolls. If the player has a copy of Gary Coleman's fictional auto-biography from earlier in the game, he can bribe the mascot into giving him a Krotchy doll stashed away in exchange. If the player doesn't have the book, he can still bribe the mascot with whatever money he has on-hand, with both solutions providing a non-violent, if still underhanded, outcome.

If the player selects the "Bad Touch" Krotchy doll in his inventory and presses the use key, Krotchy will recite perverse catchphrases like, "Daddy said only he can touch me there!" or "Don't touch me! I'm calling my lawyer!" Also, when the Dude returns home for the day from running his errands, he and his wife have a short discussion over what to do with the doll, and the outcome is to "sell it online for a fortune." If the player is arrested after Thursday in-game, Krotchy can be seen among other notable characters locked up in jail with the Dude, and while springing himself from the jail, he consequently sets all of the other captives free.

Role in Postal movie

Vince Desi dressed as Krotchy in the film adaptation of
Vince Desi dressed as Krotchy in the film adaptation of "Postal"
In the movie "Postal," by Uwe Boll, Krotchy appears as a promotion for a new Nazi-themed amusement park. He's voiced by Verne Troyer when in-character, but later, when a disagreement erupts between Vince Desiderio, (the creator of Postal who, as a cameo role, was wearing the Krotchy suit) and Uwe Boll (who was also cameoing in a role inspired by internet rumors of him being a Nazi), Desiderio accuses him of "ruining his game," a reference to the Postal series being adapted into film by Boll, and during the ensuing scuffle, Boll is shot in the scrotum by a stray bullet, exclaiming in pain, "I hate video games!"


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