So i'm writing a (proper) blog here after a long LONG break. Like, after about 2 whole years. The last blog I wrote was about my excitement for Skyrim. Oh man time passes by really really fast! (That's a topic for another blog though)

So I started watching Lost ... well i'm not exactly sure when, but I'm guessing around late 2010. Giantbomb's Deadly Premonition Endurance Run had ended earlier that year, which had led me to watching Twin Peaks to scratch that DP ER itch. And after TP, I started watching X-files to scratch the Twin Peaks itch. But X- files didn't really satisfy me, so I landed up on Lost. (Pretty cool how Giantbomb is the cause of it all right?)

(To get in the Lost mood, you could play this while reading the blog :P)

*******LOST SPOILERS AHEAD******

Man the show has left me feeling really empty inside, and I knew it would. I was actually scared to finish watching the show and I really slowed down during the last season. I even planned the situation I wanted to watch the finale in. Alone at home, while it rained heavily outside. Beautiful.

And that's what I loved about the show. There was always so much beauty in all of it. I'm sure many people watched it for the mysteries, the thrills and everything (at least in the beginning) but what got me hooked were the heart breaking and beautiful stories of the characters. I guess people find what they look for. What mainly got me hooked in the beginning was John Locke. His perception about life, about their role in the island, his immovable faith in things that other people could not understand were what mainly made me fall in love with the show.

The point in the show where they revealed that he only regained his walking ability upon reaching the island completely blew me away. Suddenly, him lying on the sand, staring at his own toes moving within his socks, in the middle of all the chaos suddenly made sense. Him helping Charlie out with his drug addiction ("The Moth") almost had me in tears - tears of happiness. I had finally found the show to satisfy my new itch, but probably something more.

From then on, that was mainly what the show was about for me. And every episode delivered. Every episode had those amazing moments, and even though Locke gradually lost his initial aura, and suffered a change in character (plus, you know, death), I kept finding new characters to love - Sawyer, Hurley, Charlie, Ben linus (started loving this guy), Jin and Sun (broke my heart a billion times goddammit) Miles, Faraday, Jack and eventually even Desmond. I really loved all those moments towards the end when they all began to remember one by one. Their expressions were priceless. Add to that the beautiful music, and I felt like the producers and writers of the show exactly what satisfied me. I think I'll never love a show like I've loved this.

Infact, I feel like this is the most satisfying and beautiful peace of art/ fiction I have ever experienced. Better than any book or film I have read or seen. And this is what sort of worries and saddens me. This is for two reasons:

Firstly, I was impressed with every episode I watched. I could not understand how the writers possessed the intelligence to remember every alternate life story they had written and make them all come to some sort of a conclusion. I'm currently writing a book (or im trying my best to) , and writing a single page is a challenge. What they have written, involving so many lives, with time travel, mysteries, histories and then all the beautiful, emotional moments, is worthy of some sort of a lifetime achievement award. If I was one of the writers of the story, I would consider my life complete. I am that impressed. (although I would've preferred if the ending was actually about an alternate timeline rather than a purgatory, that doesn't change much.)

But in contrast, stand the reactions of the rest of the world. George R.R Martin joked about its ending, a lot of people really criticized the ending and called it a "cop out". Many people called the writing of the last season weak, while some even said that the whole shows script was just improvising on random ideas and the writing was clueless. And this is what saddens me. Have I not watched and read the same things as these critics have? Because it feels like their opinion comes from more experience. As if they have seen better shows, better films and read better books. It's a little sad, but also confusing. What works of art have I missed out on, even though my life seems to be headed in the direction of devotion to some of these forms of art? How am I gonna catch up in time?

These are the exact same things I felt after finishing Bioshock Infinite, which got criticized for "poor writing" as well by some. I mean, I guess my question is: How much better can you possibly do? What the hell is "good writing" then? Does it exist?

And if it does, I want suggestions (please). In any form: books, films, TV shows or even games. I wanna know what qualifies as good writing.

Because I love writing. I LOVE a good story. I think it's all I want in life as well. A good story. I want to write a good story, and I want to live a life that can be remembered as an amazing story.

Which is my worry #2: Will I ever have what it takes to create an amazing story? Do I have the ability? Or will I continue to be Lost exactly the way I am right now, wondering what "good writing" is supposed to be. Wondering what it is people have read and seen that gives them their perceptions about writing. It seems like a huge mountain I need to climb, and if I do end up learning anything, it'll take a pretty big revelation. Because I am currently quite confused.

But especially after watching the last episode of Lost today, I realized that this is a mountain I want to climb. And then meditate on it and be enlightened, of course. But climbing the mountain comes first. Struggle and indulge in worldly affairs like writing and then give it all up. Pretty crazy right? But I guess writing is what I hope to understand life though, before I... Move on (wink!)

The story that I'm writing is just about a boy who has lived in a monastery all his life (that's twenty years), and the things that he learns about life outside and among people as he and an elder student travel across the land - to reach another monastery that they need to deliver books/ scrolls to. I'm 80 pages through it, but all those things I described above really make me worried about my own efforts.

So yes, that was a pretty long blog, and thanks for reading through it all (if you did). I'm looking forward to some good replies. Try not to be too harsh though, I've bared my soul in the form of a blog after a long time ;)

Oh, and goodbye, Lost.