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How to eat boned wings!

I got this stock photo from, no joke.
I got this stock photo from, no joke.

Okay, that's it. This whole #TeamBoneless thing has been driving me crazy, because boned wings are obviously superior to boneless wings, which aren't even the wings of a chicken! Anyway, one of the major arguments for boneless wings is that they are clean; they do not require you to use your hands, which are apparently the utensil of savages. Now, I do understand the cleanliness argument, but ignoring my belief that our hands are -- in fact -- quite sophisticated and difficult to use properly (have you ever eaten loose rice with your hands before? You know what I'm talking about), I don't think eating wings is actually that difficult with other utensils.

As I have mentioned in another thread, I usually eat wings with a spoon. Well, sometimes with a knife and a fork, sometimes with a pair of chopsticks, but I think the technique is universal. What you need is just some knowledge of the wings' anatomy. Mind you, my limited knowledge of wings anatomy is just from eating a bunch of wings. (Aside: I like to eat any part of the chicken without my hands; I like the challenge and clean hands. I usually end up with cleaner bones than others too!)

I did some serious research to prepare this post anyway (which involves a full minute of Google Image Search! phew!) to illustrate things properly.

(Taken from some wikispaces site, 2nd Google result for
(Taken from some wikispaces site, 2nd Google result for "chicken wings anatomy")

I think you all know why eating wings are so goddamn difficult. It's that hole in the middle of the forearm! Well, here's the obvious solution to this problem: separate the bones. Specifically, the ulna and the radius. How we separate them depends entirely on how the wings are cooked.

If they are well-cooked, with very tender meat and softened tendons, you want to go for the elbow. The elbow should be the fatter end of the forearm (away from the pointy "hand", if it is not cut off). What you want to do is to pull or scoop away the thinner bone (the radius) at the joint so that it comes off from the elbow. Then, you can either cut the other end off the wrist, or just pull it away.

If the wings are a bit hard (this usually happens to slimmer country chickens, or if just lightly fried), the elbow end could be a bit difficult to separate as the tendons might not be soft enough. In this case, I usually go for the wrist. Still going for the radius first, I'd try to cut between the two bones, and then lever the bone away from the elbow. Even if it's still too hard to come off completely, having the wrist joint freed helps a lot. (Addendum: if it's still too hard to do it without touching, I usually bring it up to my mouth for a quick bite or grab.)

(Taken from ~lunarballad's DeviantArt, 1st Google result)
(Taken from ~lunarballad's DeviantArt, 1st Google result)

So, I guess the second part to the strategy is what we came for: the meat. This part is a bit easier if you see how muscles are connected. As long as you don't cut the muscles across, it should be really easy to get the most out of your wings without ever touching it with your hands! I would discourage this with beef, pork, or chicken breast -- as cutting them along the lines make them harder to chew -- but I think the wings and thighs of chicken are great for this way of eating. They're naturally more tender, so this gets maximum springiness out of them. Wings are too short across to get anything if you cut that way anyways. Well, if you get good enough with getting the bones out, I'm sure you can keep most of the meat intact and cut them however the heck you want. I usually get the outermost biceps of the wings first (marked orange in the diagram), but it's up to you where you start!

...Are you still reading? Thanks for reading this all of this text that doesn't really have anything to do with video games! It is great to know how to do this when I want both chicken wings and clean hands, like when I'm socializing at dinner, watching TV, or playing video games! Feel free to post about how you eat wings yourself; I'm sure I'm not the only one who always tries to eat chicken as efficiently as possible. #TeamBoneIn

P.S. Here's a good video guide on how to do something similar and have the wings still intact, but it requires hands: