I just reconnected with a friend of mine from the DDR days (2002) on facebook. He's over 10 years older than me (I'm 23). I asked him how he is doing and apparently, he ended up in the boondocks living in a motel with his mom, because the relative that was supporting them died of cancer. Now, I feel terrible about this, but my first reaction was "yeah, I was kind of expecting that." In the years that I knew him, he never worked an honest day in his life. He never went to college, and any retail job he ever had he never lasted more than a few weeks because he would be fired for showing up hours late, or just never showing up at all. I think he was big on clubbing back then, and always had a new girlfriend every time I saw him. He was good looking and that helped him mooch off of more fortunate girls who wanted to be seen with him. I saw him recently at an anime convention, and he was staffing...I thought he had turned over a new leaf. Turns out that he showed up 6 hours late for a morning shift, and probably the only reason he staffed was so he could get a comp'ed hotel room for 4 days so he didn't have to bum around a friend's house anymore.

The ironic thing is, I once got into an argument on a forum back in the day, and I don't know how it came up but I jabbed at him by saying he was 10 years older than me (I was 15 at the time) and never even went to college. I mean, it's not like I had any right to say that, I was still in high school after all. He got way butthurt and insulted my nerdiness and said I would never have a girlfriend because I was a short nerd. Well, things have worked out alright for me...but I can't exactly say the same about him.

But I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this, which is why I'm venting on GB...he wants help, but I think if he's down to the point where he's living in a motel with his mom, I don't think I can really trust him to "turn over a new leaf." But at the same time, I feel really sorry for him.

Fuck.

I never thought about that before. Mainly because I set high standards for myself and I keep a small group  of friends that are talented people.  If one of my friends did fall on hard times I would be pretty down. Most people could IMAGINE being in the shoes of the homeless. Anywho,  I wouldn't want that for anybody and I would do all I could do to help them.

Do you care about this man or do you just want people to kick him while he's down? 
 
If you truly care, you'll let him crash on your couch. If you don't, you'll let things be.  

True friend? I loan him about 10K 60,7Kroner. Car in norway? 200 or less..

But fucking about. I lent a friend of mine 200 kr.(1993) He paied back. But the road to pay back? Insane.

How well do you know this guy? It doesn't sound like you were ever incredibly close to him, but I'm only judging from what you wrote here. Based on what I've heard so far, it seems like his own unwillingness to work has gotten him into his situation.

The only way you can help someone like that is to give it to them straight. Tell him to man the fuck up and get a job if he wants to get by. He's not your responsibility.

It's happened a few times to friends of mine. They always brought it on themselves. One of them who was my best friend ended up killing himself. I felt bad and still do somewhat, because I felt that I could have stopped him from it like I had a few times before. I don't know where your friend is coming from and in what kind of situation you're in, so I can't say for sure on what to tell you to do about it. If it's similar enough to what I've had happen many times with people I was close with, the best course of action is to stay far away.

BTW, all of those that had this problem were too deep into drugs and alcohol.

My best friend from ages 7-13 was sent to rehab by his mom at age 17. Turns out he was drug negative, but they had a falling out and he ended up leaving for San Francisco. About a year ago a mutual friend of ours ran across him begging for change on the street.

If it was a friend, I would probably let him/her crash on our couch and help out as much as I can.

If it's someone I just got back in touch with, then there's a reason I didn't talk to the person anymore and there's no reason for me to bother anymore.

I've had a bunch of friends that ended up crashing on my couch for awhile because they had no where to stay. Either being kicked out of their house or having no where to go, it's different I guess when their significantly older than you (such as ten years). There is no reason not to help him (except for spite) that doesn't mean letting him live with you it just means help him out, be it a drive to an interview or something. 

This is a similar question to what you should do about a friend with a drug addiction. I think the best thing to do in THAT situation is to stop helping them, and let them know that using their friends as a safety net has stopped. That's the only way they'll ever take a step back and look at what's going on.

BUT I guess he's living with his mum and that's not gonna stop, ever.

I don't know if this guy's incapable of having a life because of drugs, or some pyschological issue, or if it's the family he was raised in or WHAT, but I guess the best thing you can do is seek out professional help; cos that's something he'd never do in a million years. And if he argues then stand your ground, and let him know that he is fucking broken.

IF you even want to help, that is. Which you're totally at liberty to not do. Guy sounds like a dick, and like he's enjoying himself, so if you're not prepared to carry the stress of HIS life around then totally just don't worry about it.

But you should probably not help him on any surface level at all though, cos that's half the reason he's this far gone.

Also why are you friends with someone 10 years older than you at 15? And why is he friends with you? Cos that could add a really fucking interesting layer to this story.

I'd let him crash at my place as long as he pulled his weight by doing chores or something. I won't stand for freeloaders, not even friends.

Dude you barely know not even from your generation who's a bum?
 
Fuck him. Then when you find him bring your girlfriend by.
 
I know tons of dudes who I hung out with that burned out right out of high school from drugs or plain not doing anything. Granted if it was a really good friend then they get an extra key to my place no questions. But this guy sounds like a true low-life dude.

I've had the same three really good friends for over 10 years.  If I found out, I would help them get back on their feet.

you help him. No matter what.

Stop publically humiliating him under the guise of concern you monster!

He's probably crashed at like 50 other people's houses over the passed few years; everyone who gets him a job is "helping him", anyone who's lent him money is "helping him", and right now his mother's "helping him". None of it ever works. He needs to MAKE THE DECISION to change, and the only way he's gonna listen to that is if you let him hit rock bottom.

If you give this guy a place to stay then he's gonna move onto someone else a while later who'll do the exact same thing, and he'll spend the rest of his life sitting comfortably on the edge of a cliff, hangin onto someone else's rope until he's dead.

IT WOULD BE GREAT if the right answer was always "do the right thing", but the world's not black n white like that.

Of course you personally don't have to do anything at all. The people who really DO have to stop lettin him off are the people closer to him, like his best friends n family.

depending on the circumstances i may or may not help out. if my friend became homeless due to losing their job, being unable to find one, and they're an all round good person. yeah, i'd help out. if the person lost their shit because of drugs and/or alcohol abuse, i'll feel no pity for them. it's a self created problem. i won't help.

a FRIEND became homeless? I offer him a place to stay. ! FFs. what is this, happy america 50/? ?

@RubberBabyBuggyBumpers said:

depending on the circumstances i may or may not help out. if my friend became homeless due to losing their job, being unable to find one, and they're an all round good person. yeah, i'd help out. if the person lost their shit because of drugs and/or alcohol abuse, i'll feel no pity for them. it's a self created problem. i won't help.

I wouldn't even go that far. I would still help a friend out as long as they were showing signs that they actually wanted to change. The guy in OP's post doesn't even seem to put in that much effort. Sounds like he has had multiple chances and still shows no interest in bettering himself.

@Vortexus1981 said:

a FRIEND became homeless? I offer him a place to stay. ! FFs. what is this, happy america 50/? ?

Maybe something got lost in translation, but did you fully read and understand the original post?

Probably not as bad as I felt when I found out a friend became a victim of suicide. Then again, this situation could easily turn into that at some point. Help a bro out, if not financially, then emotionally. It's easier to ask for money than it is to ask for other support.

@RubberBabyBuggyBumpers said:

depending on the circumstances i may or may not help out. if my friend became homeless due to losing their job, being unable to find one, and they're an all round good person. yeah, i'd help out. if the person lost their shit because of drugs and/or alcohol abuse, i'll feel no pity for them. it's a self created problem. i won't help.

Do yourself a favor and research addiction. Though it is much easier to blame others. Gotta keep that clear conscience, even if it means being willfully ignorant, right?

Screw the OP for bringing this to the internet where uninformed individuals could judge his friend and potentially convince him not to help. "Yo, your sentences didn't convince me your friend is not a piece of shit, so fuck him."

With my limited knowledge of the situation my assessment is that you can't help someone who won't help themselves. If you guys were really close then try hooking him up with a job if possible, or lend him some emotional support. If he's going to follow the same pattern of behaviour that he has his whole life, however, then you can't help him no matter how hard you want to. If you make him reliable on you financially you will help no one, and ruin yourself.

@Zithe said:

@RubberBabyBuggyBumpers said:

depending on the circumstances i may or may not help out. if my friend became homeless due to losing their job, being unable to find one, and they're an all round good person. yeah, i'd help out. if the person lost their shit because of drugs and/or alcohol abuse, i'll feel no pity for them. it's a self created problem. i won't help.

I wouldn't even go that far. I would still help a friend out as long as they were showing signs that they actually wanted to change. The guy in OP's post doesn't even seem to put in that much effort. Sounds like he has had multiple chances and still shows no interest in bettering himself.

@Vortexus1981 said:

a FRIEND became homeless? I offer him a place to stay. ! FFs. what is this, happy america 50/? ?

Maybe something got lost in translation, but did you fully read and understand the original post?

Yes, i see it now. Thank you. But i would still help afriend. As i'v had a drug user as a close friend before. He left after asking for hel... 7 years now that i'v/we never heard from him. Know what? So fucking happy for him.

i would feel sad. it's happened to me, friend that i played modern warfare 1 with was getting kicked out because of not finding a job. he left xbox lvie for a while but now he is back on. i don't talk to him anymore. he also lived like half way across the us so there really wasn't anything that i could do.
 
is it weird that i'm thinking about going homeless? i kind of want to do it just to see what it's like.

@iam3green said:

is it weird that i'm thinking about going homeless? i kind of want to do it just to see what it's like.

What the fuck? Yes, that's weird.

If he hasn't figured shit out by now he never will.

@MrKlorox said:

Probably not as bad as I felt when I found out a friend became a victim of suicide. Then again, this situation could easily turn into that at some point. Help a bro out, if not financially, then emotionally. It's easier to ask for money than it is to ask for other support.

@RubberBabyBuggyBumpers said:

depending on the circumstances i may or may not help out. if my friend became homeless due to losing their job, being unable to find one, and they're an all round good person. yeah, i'd help out. if the person lost their shit because of drugs and/or alcohol abuse, i'll feel no pity for them. it's a self created problem. i won't help.

Do yourself a favor and research addiction. Though it is much easier to blame others. Gotta keep that clear conscience, even if it means being willfully ignorant, right?

Screw the OP for bringing this to the internet where uninformed individuals could judge his friend and potentially convince him not to help. "Yo, your sentences didn't convince me your friend is not a piece of shit, so fuck him."

Well fucking said.

One of my best friends was living in a separate state for a year, living in his car and taking baths in the pool of an apartment complex that other friends lived at. When I moved to town I brought him into my apartment and let him stay on the couch. He paid his part of the rent. We had a damn good time.

I'm in a similar boat as him, actually. My dad was the sole provider for our family and then he got sick and couldn't work anymore. Thankfully, we managed to save up a bunch of money. Then, he died. Then, we ran out of money. Then I got a job. Then we got evicted and I had to quit. After I quit, we moved our stuff into storage and had to stay with family(Which we are right now). It's been a fucking nightmare. Our family is so goddamn retarded it's insane. We go out and have a great day, and then the next day everyone goes fucking retarded on each other for no reason. But we HAVE to stay here and be bitched at because we have no money and no place to go yet.

Like, fuck. Two days ago(Almost three days now, technically), we all went out to the mall, then out to eat. It was a great day, my aunt's friend came up from Cleveland and it was such a great time. Then, when we get back, the dog used the bathroom in the house. Everything was fine at the time, we had a carpet cleaner ready to go ASAP. But the next day everything changed and I was being bitched out because I didn't take the dog out. We were all gone all day together!! It was impossible for me to take the dog out!! I wasn't home!

We are getting a place through Government Housing, which will put us right smack-dab in the middle of the "I'm going to kick down your door, shoot you in the spine and steal your shit" ghetto. And regretfully I'm not joking. Not that I'm too good for the ghetto, but a person got shot and killer there just last month FFS. It worries me.

I've been looking for a job forever. I'm tired of not working. I can't wait to have money and be able to actually buy things for myself. But it's hard as hell. I can't believe it's so hard to find a job. I mean, I'd be a great hard-worker no matter where I'd end up. Definitely. But no one is hiring it seems like. Some chick from Walmart called after I put in an application and said she wants me ASAP, but for some reason refuse to sit down and actually begin the interview process. It's been two weeks now and she wants me to believe that she is SO BUSY that she literally, LITERALLY doesn't have five minutes to write some shit down on a paper and hire my ass. Even my uncle works there and he put in a good word for me. But so far nothing. It's bullshit how life sucks sometimes. Regardless of if she is or is not busy, I'm in desperate need of a job and so the delay is what sucks about this. She was nice enough to call me, so maybe she really does want me to work there.

Everyone is always talking about how I'm not going to amount to anything and don't do anything but sit around and fuck off with video games all day. What the hell can I do!? I've got no money to go to school, and no one is hiring. I'm doing everything I can and I'm not making excuses for myself. Quite honestly, there IS nothing for me to do except sit around all day and do nothing.

Who knows. Your friend could be in the same boat. It's pretty annoying to have people picture you differently than who you really are, or try to be or want to be or whatever. I don't even have friends TO lend some support. I had to go through losing my dad alone, our apartment alone, our stuff and everything else worthwhile. It doesn't hurt to be supportive of someone. You don't know how much of a difference it can make.

When life gives you lemons, make life take them back! I don't want your damn lemons!

The only way you can help someone like that is to give it to them straight. Tell him to man the fuck up and get a job if he wants to get by. 

If you don't want to help him, he isn't your friend. I'm not telling you what to do either way, but I feel like this kind of thing is what defines actual friendship vs. Facebook herpdyder.

I would be very disappointed and would look out for job opportunities for the person, and I might even help them prep for the interview, but I really can't do much more than that at my age.

@I_smell said:

Also why are you friends with someone 10 years older than you at 15? And why is he friends with you? Cos that could add a really fucking interesting layer to this story.

I used to play DDR in high school (I wrote a lengthy blog post about it a week or two ago), and I met a lot of interesting people at the local arcade. This guy used to work there, but got fired for showing up late every day for the two weeks he worked there. He was the "cool" guy in the group cause he had a chin piercing, crazy sexy hair, and had a new girlfriend like every week. Little did we know that that was because he was probably using them for money.

And I mean, I was never great friends with him, but he was really good at Initial D so we got along well enough when we were at the arcade together. I feel like I should help this guy out by recommending him for a job or something, but he's moved pretty far from where I live now, he doesn't have a degree which makes it hard to find him a job around here (heck, the Peet's Coffee baristas practically all have degrees in San Francisco), and I can't exactly offer him couch space because I live with 4 other people in a 2 bedroom house (that's San Francisco for you). I...just don't know.

@Portis said:

@iam3green said:

is it weird that i'm thinking about going homeless? i kind of want to do it just to see what it's like.

What the fuck? Yes, that's weird.

I've already got a plan worked out should I become homeless- it doesn't sound terrible.

 is it weird that i'm thinking about going homeless? i kind of want to do it just to see what it's like.

@AzHP said:

Fuck.

This sums up your entire post.

@awesomeusername: We actually got most of what we have from Rent-A-Center. So it makes us seem like we had a fuckton of money at one point. I mean, we've got a PS3, computer, laptop, 48" flatscreen TV. All kinds of stuff. But the truth is our family helped us pay a lot of money for this stuff on top of what we paid. Everything except my PS3, which we bought on Black Friday for like $200 a couple of years ago.

If there was a target on anyone, it'd be on our backs.

Man, I hope I don't get shot and killed for my things. :(

It does suck to hear about your ex though. I've had days where it seems like my entire family is just there to piss on me, so I know the feeling you get when everything seems fucked up and you don't belong. Her parents sound like all-around assholes though. I know my mom is only mean to me sometimes, and my family is only mean to me when there is an argument. But any other time, it's all great and dandy. It's just the constant arguing that's taking its toll.

Its also neat that you guys are still staying friends. I know sometimes things seem easier if people were just friends, so there's that benefit you get for not being obligated to her, yet being there for her as a friend. It seems like it would make her feel better in the long run. I mean, as a boyfriend, you're pretty damn obligated, you know? But as a friend, while you do have your obligations, not as much as a boyfriend and that gives you a little more free reign to be honest and open with here.

You ride that train to the top, man. You don't give up and her and make sure she doesn't give up on herself! You are the man!

If it was a good friend of mine, I would probably feel like it was my responsibility to help him.

If it was a good friend I would invite them back to my place and see what I could do to help them get their shit back together if they lost it because of a string of bad luck. If they were drugged out idiots that ruined their life out of stupidity, well that's harder to say. If I got a feeling that they had learned from their mistakes and just needed a hand to get back together, then I would give them a chance and try to help them out as best I could. If they then try to take advantage of that kindness I would kick them back out on the street in a heart beat and I wouldn't feel sorry for doing it in the slightest bit. Very few things in this world I hate more then someone taking advantage of others kindness.
 
If it was just someone I knew, but not too well, I would probably flip them a few dollars if I could spare it, or pretend I didn't notice them and try to sneak by. Actually, I like to think that even then I would probably give them a helping hand if I knew they just needed a little help to get their life back to something livable. Like let them stay at my place for a few months, get them some clean clothes, food, and help them find a job and get to it long enough that they can afford their own place and get a start. That kind of stuff. 
 
It all comes down to whether or not you feel that they just need a hand to get things going, or if they are just going to take advantage of you. If you think they just need a hand then go for it. If you think he will just use you for the short term and go look for someone else to leech off of once you have had enough, then just walk away now and save yourself a lot of pain.

Do you care about this man or do you just want people to kick him while he's down?  If you truly care, you'll let him crash on your couch. If you don't, you'll let things be.  

Moral of the story: Don't rely on anyone for anything.

Well, I don't think any of my friends would become homeless, because in the end, they'd probably live at my house since I'm that generous. No offense, but it's kind of a silly question to me. I don't like when anyone is less fortunate than me. I have a comfortable life, and I'd wish that everyone had the same. Awkwardly, the other day I was thinking about the homeless, and while I go by most of them on a day to day basis and care little then, I thought that it would be nice if I did some sort of entrepreneurial work that made it so I could give them a home more comfortable than most have it. I'd have to understand them though, and make sure they don't go in deep with negative stuff (if that makes any sense). Again, that was just my imagination, and I don't see myself really ever doing that. While I think in public (or on the internet) society can be dumb and ignorant to the point of serious annoyance, there's a huge part of me (while somewhat subtle), that cares a whole lot about people and our environment around us.