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Knackattack!

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Top Ten Blog (Part 2)

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This took a little longer than expected. I'm back to talk about a bunch of games based on/with links to my top ten favourite movies of all time. This has been a pretty good excuse to re-watch, replay and spend some time with a bunch of games I'd never have any reason to play or return to. So far it has strengthened my love of the movies, but left me with some pretty traumatic experiences on the game side of things. I was probably a little unrealistic about putting the second part of this up within one or two weeks, but I got there in the end... almost a month later. Obviously there continues to be a little stretching here and there, but I try to get as close as is realistically possible.

Here is Part 1 if you missed/ignored it. It is pretty awesome.

It was probably a huge mistake to start this a week before the release of three of the years biggest games. I don't think I have all that much to say about Metal Gear or Infamous beyond a couple of thoughts on the forums, but I'm seriously considering writing up my lengthy experience with the PC version of Titanfall. I have fallen head over heels in love with a multiplayer shooter, something I thought I'd completely lost interest in.

The good news is that I have continued to do the digital equivalent of stabbing myself repeatedly in the eyes, because I felt the need to play a bunch of games of varying quality and questionable worth in between exhilarating rounds of punching pilots out of mechs and questioning why I'm still watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D at 5.30 in the morning.

I have the best taste in everything.

This week I have a lot of brawleryness. There's a bunch of fists, feet and headbutting. First up I have played the long ignored, but always curious about Warriors game. Have I turned into a wimp? Am I packed? Can I dig it? Next up I have been searching for fortune and glory in a couple of games to go with Raiders of the Lost Ark. The best choice would have been to play the Indiana Jones game on the SNES, a game I remember finding incredibly tough as a child. Due to not wanting to use emulators I have played the weird leftovers of that next(last) gen game they advertised with the euphoria engine that came out for the Wii - Indiana Jones And the Staff of Kings. Also, I have replayed through the six Raiders levels in Lego Indy as a bonus. The last game I have played is a real gem. I got into the mood to play the only Crow video game that exists by listening to old Cure CD's and crying myself to sleep. Unfortunately, the only game in this franchise is tied to the utterly abysmal second movie and not the wonderful Brandon Lee original. Is the game better than the movie or did I start cutting myself to relieve the pain?

Movie: The Warriors (1979) Game: The Warriors (2005 PS2)

clink clink clink
clink clink clink

I probably spend far too much of my time on the internet watching videos of other people list video games they have bought for their collection. I could probably spend that time playing more games, watching more movies or even starting my own cartoonish gang. Hell, even just learning how to embroider fancy emblems onto jackets would probably be a better use of my time.

The one thing a lot of these videos I watch have in common is that whenever someone says they picked up The Warriors game it is always followed by a passionate recommendation. I love The Warriors, its neon soaked streets, stylistic fights and comic book-70's future stylings always bring a smile to my face. If there was one movie on this list that I'm always in the mood for, this is it. A lot of my hesitation to play this supposedly incredible game was that it was made by Rockstar. Years ago I never even knew they had different teams working on different games, so I just assumed this would be an open world with poor controls ( I never got on with the PS2 GTA's) where you got to roam around the streets and punch people in the face.

It turns out that I was right about one thing. The Warriors is a beautiful love letter to the movie, but the controls are at times almost intolerably bad. I almost feel bad about being unkind about this game as its heart and its fists are clearly in the right place. The music, the setting, the gang members, even the activities all seem appropriate. The biggest problem with this semi-open brawler is that whenever the game demands more than stomping on a cops face it falls apart... And this game loves to make you mess about with poorly designed spray painting mini games, idiotic stealth or chase sequences with a miserably placed camera.

I did this using my left hand using a mouse (I'm right handed.) It is still far neater than anything I managed to do in the game.
I did this using my left hand using a mouse (I'm right handed.) It is still far neater than anything I managed to do in the game.

I have no shame in the four or five times I used cheats to progress though sections that I can't imagine a single person finding fun. Early on the game puts you in the shoes of youngest member, Rembrandt. You have to win a spray painting mini game against three rival gangs. It requires you to climb up on the scenery and collect paint cans, all while dealing with awkward climbing controls, people jump kicking you from offscreen and seven or eight people all trying to grab the cans that spawn randomly one at a time. Even if you predict correctly and grab a can you still have to run over to your wall and tag it with your Warriors logo. The painting requires you to trace over the shape shown on screen using the left stick. This would be fine if it wasn't so hard to make an error forcing a pause and a violent rumble of the controller. It wouldn't be so bad if one can was useful for a whole shape, but I found myself continuously messing up, creating what barely looks like the letter "W" drawn with my left hand while I was being cattle prodded and threatened at knife point. After close to an hour with no sign of progression I put in a cheat for nine cans of paint at the start of the mission. I'd love to say I obliterated the competition, but I still barely won.

Luckily the game gets back to punching people in the face soon after that. The one thing the game does really well is making you feel like you're in charge of a gang. Every so often you have four or five members with you and you can issue commands like "Wreck em all" and "Scatter", but like the gang of tough criminals they are they're pretty good about whacking rival gangs in the head with sticks and bricks without you muttering a word. I was constantly amused by a huge mess of gang members throwing each other around and stomping on faces. It sometimes gets so crazy that it's hard to make out what is actually going on, but It definitely does a good job of feeling like your dudes are all doing their best. The Warriors seem to be having a blast judging by their incredibly colourful commentary.

Occasionally you get to break into shops and steal a certain amount of items or you can optionally mug passers by or steal car radios. The game has this awful habit of giving you sub missions that require spray painting a certain amount of walls in enemy territory... Thanks for the offer video game, but I'm good. The way the game is structured is that you get a time and a date before the mission starts. It will tell you how many days there are before the meeting between the gangs at the beginning of the movie. The biggest part of this game is actually pre-movie and gives you a chance to play as Cleon, the leader that unfortunately gets taken out for falsely killing Cyrus. Cleon is voiced by the same actor as the movie and is easily one of the strongest parts of the game. He's a likable character with a no nonsense attitude and excels at integrating the word "motherfucker" into most of his sentences.

The game has you doing a pretty varied selection of things like protecting shop owners in Coney or avoiding cops during a riot. It possibly tries to do a little too much. There were some sections of the game that required platforming or jumping from rooftop to rooftop while being chased, but the delay on the jump and the weirdly angled camera made these setpiece-like moments turn into frustrating experiences. Even when the game pops up the triangle icon and you hit it there is still a chance for you to fall to your death or go flying off at an angle because The Warriors only have two speeds - Run and Sprint. It seems like the developers didn't even do any special animations for falling off of buildings. If you jump too early you will just drop to your death like a stone in the standing upright position. After every single one of these missions I had my fingers crossed that the next mission would have me beating up people, and more often than not it was. Unfortunately every so often you have to fight a gimmicky boss that requires you to throw shit at them, avoid being stun-locked by getting kicked in the junk or avoiding gunfire. There's a boss that rolls around in his wheelchair that involves inaccurately throwing things off a balcony and ordering your gang to attack or scatter while you attack him from behind. This requires you to run up and down some stairs while contending with a camera that finds it hard keeping up with the speed and slipperiness of your character. You only need to mess it up once and he's off snorting some drugs to regain his health. Oh yeah, did I mention recovering health or reviving downed Warriors requires you to buy or find "Flash"? It's a pretty juvenile, Rockstar-ish thing, but it fits the cartoony and violent, criminal universe the movie sets up.

I ended up getting so, so, so stuck here I used the level skip cheat.

Waste that motherfucker.
Waste that motherfucker.

The game eventually gets to a point where it is just recreating the movie. These missions are possibly the least interesting and mostly involve running away from things or hitting people. Quite a lot of the movie is recreated with both actors from the movie that range from sounding spot on, like James Remar's Ajax or sounding far too old like Michael Beck's Swan. There's something a little offputting about hearing a lot of the movie dialogue recreated. It's not that it is bad, because the acting in the movie can best be described as "spirited" although after watching Walter Hill's later movie Streets of Fire (1984) and it having the same kind of line reading I can't help feeling it was an intentional decision. The decision to recreate a lot of that dialogue with both better actors and better line reads just feels wrong, but that's probably just a side effect of seeing the film so often. Not better or worse, just slightly off. One of the biggest complaints about the voice acting would have to be the actor they got to recreate Luther ( The "Warrrrr-i-ors come out to play-ayay" dude from The Rogues.) He is far too whiney and instead of having the same unsettling tone as David Patrick Kelly he just comes off as annoying... like the horrifically bad final boss where you have to dodge his gunfire and then throw a knife into his hand. This boss is such a downer that it makes the end credits with the song In the city feel like relief instead of accomplishment.

There's a ton of things to love about The Warriors, but most of it isn't due to any of the poorly aged gameplay. The music, the title screen with the Ferris Wheel and even the nice little touches like being able to wander around the Warriors home turf and punch bags for stamina upgrades or just strut around with a ghetto blaster/boombox on your shoulder listening to the games incredible licensed music. There's even some back story missions about how various members joined the gang and an arcade machine that lets you play Armies of the Night. A Double Dragon referencing, side scrolling beat em up that unlocks after beating all the flashback levels. I'm definitely glad I played it despite a lot of the praise for it possibly coming from nostalgic memories more than anything else. The Warriors is a hugely flawed love letter that not only faithfully recreates the best of the movie, but greatly expands on it.

Movie: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) Game: Indiana Jones And the Staff of Kings. (2009 Wii)

Cheer up dude, you'll get to marry her one day. Fuck! Gimme those dates monkey.
Cheer up dude, you'll get to marry her one day. Fuck! Gimme those dates monkey.

There's a game coming up in the final part of this series that is so in love with recreating the best parts of the movie that I can't just help feeling that they should have made the movie in video game form. The Warriors, which I talked about above seems to get the balance spot on. Indiana Jones And the Staff of Kings is so intent on giving you the highest level of fanservice possible that I just end up rolling my eyes and sighing, which I'm going to assume was not the developers intended effect.

I find myself almost immediately excited by John Williams musical score. The inclusion of various pieces of music from the trilogy (Yeah, you heard me.) makes me sit up and take notice, something I should already be doing, but I'll get to that later. It's easier to look past the blurry visuals, stilted animation and a strange haze over the top of everything. The fake Harrison Ford they have gotten can at times be pretty authentic, at worst passable and the characters face is well modeled despite the aging hardware and the creepy puppet eyes.

We start our story with Indy standing on a cliff in Sudan, obviously in the middle of an adventure watching tanks go by. He quips about it being the Germans, like he knows they're up to something evil. Indiana Jones just straight up hates the Germans in this game. I'd assume they felt weird about mentioning the Nazis in a game for the Wii, Y'know a baby system for little babies. It just comes off as a little weird, but anyways... You get to move Indy around using the Nunchuck stick immediately noticing a weird stiffness to everything. Indy only really moves at one speed and everything seems to happen about a second after you have pressed the button. I see a hat, which I assume is a collectible (It is.) and run him over to it, stand there for a second and then watch him awkwardly climb up. Maybe more modern games like Uncharted have spoiled me, but when Indiana Jones finds it hard clambering up a wall even original, PS1 era Lara Croft would find easy, I start to make whining noises and question what on earth I am doing with my time.

It's funny going back to old Wii games. I have played very few of them, and most of the ones that I have funnily either use minimal or zero use of the remote. So, when I come across some poor looking vines that need clearing or a gap needs swinging over with my whip by holding a button and shaking the remote forward I'm mildly amused. The same goes for flicking the remote and the Nunchuk together like I'm using a flint to create fire.

Yeah, I have no idea what this is supposed to mean either.
Yeah, I have no idea what this is supposed to mean either.

Video games are a funny thing. One minute you can be having the best time and then something happens where that positive attitude is near-instantly drained from your body. For the very first time in my life I got to experience excessive waggle. Waggling the Wii remote is possibly one of the top five worst things about video games. Right behind underwater levels and escort missions. We get our first big "oh, this is like that other bit." moment where I have to grab the idol and then run away from things that are going to crush me, this time it's pillars, but it might as well be a giant stone ball. How does our heroic archaeologist do this? By waggling the two controllers as hard as possible. Don't worry! He does grab his hat right at the last second before something crushes it. Obviously this wasn't cause for me to throw down the controllers and give up, but this was probably the beginning of hours of frustration with what could have been a pretty good game.

We get a cutscene where... SURPRISE! There's a rival archaeologist waiting to claim the idol you went through the trouble of collecting. He's an evil German (shhh Nazi.) and you outsmart him by throwing the artifact at him and escape. This is where we are taught how to punch. The screen pauses and fake Harrison Ford drawls some stuff about using your fists to overcome all obstacles. We are treated to a Na...German rushing towards me and being told to waggle forwards, then the screen pauses and I'm told to waggle the other stick, and then it pauses and I'm told how to do a right hook, and it pauses and I have to waggle, waggle to uppercut, waggle to whip, waggle to waggle, waggle to pause, pause waggle pause wagglewagglewaggle... "Oh, one more thing..." *phew* I'm told about doing super moves by grabbing people and hitting a button, you mean I don't have to waggle to do a super takedown move? Nope, just hit a button.

Obviously this first stage is there to teach me how to play a game that would be much better with a standard controller (I should have probably bought the PS2 version.) Unfortunately this halts any momentum the game was going for. The game does have the same snappy pace of the movies elsewhere, but this is possibly one of the poorest tutorials I have ever come across in an action game. It's good that I have a lot of patience because I decided to progress on to the second level in San Francisco after a brief plane sequence where I had to hold the remote upright like a joystick. I end up running around some backstreet fighting evil Chinese dudes, because they have kidnapped a young assistant that's like Short Round, but Not Short Round and is a girl. Every single thing I have to interact with results in me thrusting my fists at the screen, swiping or waggling when a single button press would be a far more natural. I end up in a bar which somehow catches fire, which is like that other bit in that movie where Indy is fighting people in a burning bar and beat them all up. They introduce heavies which just require me to hit two buttons when the enemy does their tell and then waggle like a lunatic a handful of times. In fact all of the fist-y waggle combat is like this and it takes up a huge part of the game.

Then MORE tutorial nonsense. The game tells me I have to do some gun combat, it's a nice change of pace and fits well with the style of the movies. It's like a cover shooter where I can move around a predetermined bit of cover and pop out and aim at the bad guys. The game needs to tell you every single step in the process by pausing and teaching you one thing at a time again. Obviously you aim the cursor at the bad guys and shoot them. I spend maybe ten minutes trying to shoot at the bad guy popping out of cover, dying over and over again. The game tells me if the cursor goes from red to green I can shoot it (Little bit backwards.) Not content with me suffering through the tutorial once, every single time I fail I have to sit through this animation of Indy's hat rolling around on the floor AND go through the painfully slow, simplistic steps on how to shoot people and reload my gun. Quick quiz for you. Q: How does Indiana Jones reload his revolver? A: DUH! Waggle. It turns out I had to shoot the scenery and not the dude despite him turning green when I put the cursor over his face.

Germans. I hate those guys.
Germans. I hate those guys.

The level from that point mostly alternates between slight platforming, wrist destroying waggle combat, some really light puzzles, usually involving waggling or whipping at something and brief shooting sequences. I honestly thought at one point I wasn't going to be able to progress beyond the second level. There is a sequence where you have to fight a boss that can't be shot in the face, but you have to shoot at both his friends and things in the environment to drop on him to make him move. When you corner him you have to shoot out some fireworks that explode resulting in him being horrifically electrocuted. This is all fine and takes about five minutes, but after going through all of that you have to use your whip to help Not-Short Round-Short Round over the deadly electricity. At first I thought showing me the controller icon on screen meant I had to hold it steady, but nope. Poor Indy falls flat on his face into the electric water. I sit through the hat rolling animation and it puts me right back at the start of the gunfight. I get to end of this section over and over and over and over with the waggle motion popping up on screen for about two seconds. I continuously failed this so many times I ended up looking up how to do it online. It turns out I'm not the only one that had problems with it. The problem with these motion controlled quick time events is that it doesn't give you enough time to react, and even if you do pull off the correct motion there is nothing to signify that you have done it right. Your controls have to be perfect to pull off this stuff, but Staff of Kings does a consistently poor job of giving you any feedback. If you need to know how to punch or shoot something it will happily explain it to you all week long. This game is packed with QTE's suddenly out of nowhere without any real warning. It ruins what could have been a well paced action sequence, turning it into boring trial and error that may or may not work.

The rest of the game has me going from one country to another alternating between waggle-punching and shooting at people that slowly pop out of cover and hesitate for a couple of seconds before attempting to kill you. Sometimes it throws something that's on rails at you, and every time I failed one of these sections it was because I needed to know what was coming up beforehand, like the billion QTE's previously mentioned. The game does try to get a little more puzzley in places, and despite their simplicity they fit well and work far better than combat. The game goes pretty crazy in one level with the rolling balls though. Not content with the statues at the beginning they have two puzzle rooms with giant balls trying to crush you as well as couple of passage ways you have to run away from them. Maybe this is Lucasarts taking their referencing to the extreme or maybe the start of Raiders is like any other day to Indiana Jones.

I'm going to imagine his diary looks something like this.

  • Monday - Avoid students hopelessly in love with me.
  • Tuesday - Avoid ball trying to crush me.
  • Wednesday - Avoid ball trying to crush me.
  • Thursday - Avoid ball trying to crush me.
  • Friday - Beat up some Nazis Germans.

Actually, I take that back. The whole end sequence where all the mystical nonsense happens (Which is a big part of Indy obviously.) Involving The staff of Moses (Instead of the Ark of the Covenant.) is you driving around in a motorbike and sidecar. But that's a different movie, and like any sequence in this game involving moving vehicles it is a pretty bad time. I guess this is one of those strange things where Indiana Jones should have an incredible game, it has the perfect combination of Ingredients, maybe they need someone like Rocksteady to distill all of those elements into the perfect game like they did with Batman, or maybe the crown has already been stolen by the accomplished imitators. There are parts of this game to like, but nearly all of them are poorly implemented. There is one thing to like about the game though... Not a single utterance of the name "JONESEYYYY!"

I don't even know what movie this is from.

Bonus! Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures (2008 360)

Back when adventuring was a lot more fun and innocent... and Lego didn't talk!
Back when adventuring was a lot more fun and innocent... and Lego didn't talk!

I haven't gone back to this game since the year it came out. It, like many of the earlier Lego games is oddly faithful to the movie. It hits most of the iconic moments from the original trilogy like the time Marion Ravenwood had a fist fight with Belloq and that swordsman in the marketplace exploded into bits when Indy shot him.

It's a little strange going back to the earlier games. The newer games are so packed with content, not to mention that they now talk. This game which already has an insane amount of collectibles and fun little secrets seems almost bare bones and is really lacking the visual shine the games have had since Pirates of the Caribbean.

The game is split into six parts. They hit most of the big sequences in the film during the six levels, often giving you a character that wasn't present in the movie. During the truck chase Sallah fell off one of the trucks and started running on foot which was quite amusing, but I had forgotten how awkward a lot of the combat and endlessly spawning enemies these earlier games had. Lego Nazis... I hate those guys.

You know how these Lego games are by now. They obviously appeal to kids an adults alike and this is fun, but definitely not as refined as later games, and most definitely better than the oddly structured Lego Indy 2. There's a bunch of weirdness like watching Indy ride a bicycle around Lego Nazis, Belloq doing C3PO impersonations or Marcus Brody looking like he's zoned out on drugs. And there's some fun touches like Indy's cool looking fight moves or the little animation of him shaking when he gets near a snake. Strangely the one thing that doesn't make any sense is when it tells you that ladies are more nimble and therefore can jump higher. Also, there isn't any fucking waggle!

Movie: The Crow (1994) Game: The Crow: City of Angels (1997 Saturn)

Welcome back to the world of Survival Horror. Good luck... You will need it.

The Crow is one of the most visually pleasing movies I have ever seen. I still hate cats though.
The Crow is one of the most visually pleasing movies I have ever seen. I still hate cats though.

I have a list on Giant Bomb that has six or seven games that I deem to be the absolute worst I have ever played. All of them have a certain amount of bullshit about the way they play that makes them the kind of thing I wouldn't recommend to even my worst enemies, maybe Ecco, but even then they'd get some great visuals and some pretty good music. (Fuck Ecco the Dolphin.)

The Crow: City of Angels has zero redeeming qualities. You know that game you once played and thought it was really bad so you went and called it the worst video game in the world ever on an internet forum? Well, unless you were talking about this undead nightmare you have made a huge mistake. This is quite possibly THE worst game ever made.

If I had to describe what kind of a game it was from the opening level I'd say it's a 3D, Streets of Rage-esque brawler where you beat up a bunch of thugs that come at you. Once everyone is dead, a marker (In the shape of a crow.) pops up and you move on to the next area. What's so bad about that? I hear you ask. The Crow has these fully 3D areas with pre-rendered backgrounds, kinda like the first Resident Evil which makes moving around the environment a real pain as the game occasionally thinks it needs to shift to another camera angle. The biggest difference here is that it's not always the same angle. It even occasionally thinks you need a new angle every couple of steps, complete with a three second delay between the transitions. So every so often in the middle of a fight you have to find yourself on the screen and hope you're not taking damage. I'm being too generous here. When I said you have to find yourself I'm assuming that you are actually on the screen at the time. This game has a horrible habit of making you fight enemies when you're not even on the screen, making it more about luck than skill.

Some douchebag from Resident Evil taking the necessary steps to stop this evil from spreading.
Some douchebag from Resident Evil taking the necessary steps to stop this evil from spreading.

What I REALLY meant to say there is that quite often neither you nor your enemies will be in the camera angle the game deems most appropriate for you, which as you can imagine makes it a lot harder to roundhouse gimp masked dudes in the face. I watched the credits in the options menu and saw there were about five or six game designers that worked on The Crow. I am almost in awe at the amount of incompetence shown in every single part of this game. That was harsh. Who am I, someone that's never shipped a game before to judge? Oh, did I mention this game has tank controls?

So, you waddle around the environment with the grace of a wounded penguin, beating up bad guys by lining yourself up with them. Do you know how hard it is to line yourself up with some thug in a bar when you have to rotate around to try and punch or kick them? Punching and kicking is awkwardly done using the L and R buttons, and any found weapon is used by hitting the B button. Every single area just spawns in enemies from off screen that also rotate on the spot and waddle over to you. So you get a room full of four enemies all rotating and waddling to get the perfect angle on you while you rotate trying to get the perfect angle on a couple of them and then everyone starts swinging and kicking blindly. About 90% of my time playing this game was watching two people blindly throw attack moves that glitch through each other failing to connect. Every so often a tiny part of the enemies health bar will go down, but there is absolutely no feedback to how it happened. As mentioned earlier the only way you even know you're hurting an enemy a lot of the time is by watching the bar randomly deplete as you hear a bunch of Yah's and Ha's happening offscreen.

I bought the Japanese version of this game as western versions of it seem to have become quite expensive over the years on both the Saturn and the Playstation. My favourite thing about this version is that Acclaim did absolutely nothing beyond writing the manual in Japanese. The title screen, all of the dialogue in the cutscenes and in-game voices are all in English. Not that there is all that much of a story. You and your son are dead and you're going to avenge him by killing the dudes that killed you. Which is kind of how that whole Crow thing goes. There's an opening cutscene with five or six people surrounding you on a pier with a gun to your head and every single one of them is just saying their lines out at random over the top of each other. "Hush little baby please dont kill me yeah kill him!" I have to say I was far too distracted by the early polygonal bondage-lady with covers on her nipples to make out all of the dialogue. Every couple of levels they give you a little bit more of the story or a flashback to the pier from a certain characters perspective, but I'm explaining this like this is important or even handled well.

What is wrong with your face dude?
What is wrong with your face dude?

The game goes on for about three hours. Some of it has this oppressive tone which fits the source material, but that is countered by a room full of dudes all saying "Hey, clown face" before they start exchanging almost-blows with you. Having three men with shotguns all going "awww yeahhhh!" made me laugh every single time. One minute you're trying to high kick a monk lady in the face and the next you're avoiding rockets fired by Bob The Builder. Getting spammed from offscreen by enemies with rockets, shotguns, pistols and SMG's is ridiculous. Quite often you enter an area and are immediately stun locked by four or five enemies shooting at you from off screen. It makes moving across the screen at a snails pace suicidal. Oh yeah, this game is impossible. I am one hundred percent certain that not a single person has ever seen every single part of this game without using an Action Replay. You get one life and there are a couple of levels with hazards that can one shot you without any warning or reason. Even when cheating with infinite health I got a game over by touching a swinging chandelier... which I was meant to be swinging on. I'd love to tell you I persevered through this game without cheating, but It truly seems impossible. Even when you manage to get guns you use up all of the bullets just trying to find the correct angle and have to end up throwing them away. Did you know that throwing guns at people makes them explode? Quite often the enemies would end up killing themselves by firing a rocket point blank into me or shooting their friends trying to attack me.

Possibly the poorest £10 I have ever spent on video games. There's so many things that are bad about this game. I haven't even mentioned about the enemies with medieval swords? or that during the bosses (One of which fires rockets out of an electric guitar.) you seem to have a nut-punch and a jump kick you can't use at any other point in the game. Why or how did I do a backwards somersault from time to time? And why do I fight monsters on a platform ripped straight out of Mortal Kombat near the end of the game? Not to mention the game over screen where what looks like E.T The extra-terrestrial tells me "We'll never be together."

The Crow: City of Angels is the worst game I have ever played, without any doubt. Even Sonic 06 can't compete with this, at least it had some nice music and not this Trent Reznor wannabe sludge that plays from level to level. Just look at the terrifying splodge of bits and pieces that is the undead protagonists face. Its as messed up as the weird mishmash of ideas taken from one genre and forcibly squeezed into a brawler. I really shouldn't be surprised about how much inspiration this rotting corpse of a game seemingly took from the original Survival Horror... You sure as hell won't survive, but there's plenty of horror here.

Watch this...

Or don't...

I Warned you...

End bit.

That's part two finished and put into a museum where it belongs. I'm still flip-flopping over a couple of games for my number ten. I should have fully thought this through. I'm not going to put a time on the next part this time around because I might end up far too busy with the next lot of games... And by that I mean I will probably be playing Titanfall followed by a little more Titanfall. Why isn't there a Titanfall movie? Hollywood should make a Titanfall movie.

Thanks for reading. Be excellent to each other.

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