Diary of a Deranged Gentleman: a lick of madness.
By lavaman77 13 Comments
Have you ever seen a man run out of coffee or tea while completely drained out of his energy? no? well let's hope you don't because unless you conveniently happen to carry caffeine pills with you, you are about to become his meal.
1 - Bad Habits
You see i tend to have a bad habit of leaving my games backlog grow to the point im looking at 900+ hours worth of gameplay ahead of me. instead of grabbing one of them and making a small attempt at solving the problem i end up reaching for Black Ops. you see there is so much joy to be found in BO's hardcore mode, you could be lucky enough to run into a commanding cranky 14 year old who demands that you perform better and stop failing. Now I am a gentleman and avoid getting my hands dirty because it's hard to clean my hands when they're covered in blood and gun powder but sometimes you have to roll the hard six. 4 rounds of unloading a revolver into the kid's brain is the equivalent of a gaming nerd getting invited into his favorite game studio, it just feels good. when i am not killing my team-mates i am attempting to improve my photoshop skills which are abysmal at best.
2 - GAMING CAN MAKE YOUR BRAIN ROT
Excuse me are you a girl? well you better stay away from me madam because i have reduced inhibition of my inappropriate behavior, i discovered this while humping the hood of a dodge charger and while im not comparing girls to cars it's better to be safe than sorry. I have went ahead and isolated myself from females to avoid cracking jokes about their bums or their twin valkyrie guns. i believe the world will benefit from this action so no harm will come from me.Researchers discovered several small regions in online addicts' brains shrunk, in some cases as much as a 10 to 20 percent. The affected regions included the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, rostral anterior cingulate cortex, supplementary motor area and parts of the cerebellum.
What's more, the longer the addiction's duration, the more pronounced the tissue reduction. The study's authors suggest this shrinkage could lead to negative effects, such as reduced inhibition of inappropriate behavior and diminished goal orientation.
But i also found out that i have diminished goal orientation, sometimes when i get up to go to the toilet i end up losing orientation and running straight into a wall instead ruining my good pants every time. i also don't work anymore because every time i pick up a pen i end up attempting to jab my lovely co-workers with it and facing assault charges. i am not very familiar with the law but i never realized you can gain an assault gun by harming your co-workers.
If you are a female and you're still here then can i see your **** piece of (Content removed for verbal assualt)
OH COME ON, now you can get an assault gun by cursing? bloody hell. oh crap.
3 - Nyan Cat Fools
For the past few weeks my GentlemenBook Freinds have been spamming me with a picture of a cat crapping out a rainbow while being shoved into what appears to be one of those cursed fortune cookies all while broken glass floats in the air. am i supposed to laugh or cry? is this what my fellow gentleman find funny these days?
No no this is something far more sinister than that, you see this isn't the first time a cat meme has infected even the most smartest and respected people. there was another meme in which anime characters drawn in chibi style danced while either mimicking a bunny or a cat.
Oh no my dear readers it gets much MUCH worse.
4 - FEMALE SHEPARD FREAK OUT BONANZA
A couple of weeks ago Bioware did an amazing move by giving the fans a choice on how female shepard will look like instead of getting us stuck with another sheploo. female shepard 5 won by a massive vote count:
Now i personally am a silent person and tend to keep away from messes like this but there is something hilarious that i noticed on almost every single site that had an editor complain about the design: almost all of them were females. i find that VERY funny especially since most of them worth their articles like they were sworn on blood to prevent this shepard from being used. you see they fail to see the obvious that which stares them in the face but the rest of the female characters are bland goths who look like a product of a human and a geth. seriously whoever designed the other characters wasn't thinking clearly (look at number four, how the hell does anyone think that she would fit as shepard?). i consider this shepard to be a miracle because if she wasn't designed we would have Iranoutofmethwhilelivinginthestreets shepard and imtryingtobeagoth shepard clones. when ever i look at this designed i think of the bad-ass and hot starbuck, i don't think of scene girls or goth chicks.
This is what they consider the "perfect" shepard. you see if square enix saw this thing in one of their games they would die from sever brain damage. have you ever seen a female soldier who looks like this? if you ever do please tell her to visit a good therapist because only a woman who hates herself would do that to her hair. there are plently of female soldiers in the army who have long hair but have it bunned, example: http://www.murdoconline.net/pics/withoutthemmanisnothing-thumb.jpg
But who wants to see a boring bun? i don't know about you but im extremely excited to see how the hair physics will be with long hair for your character. the CAC system is STILL here if you don't like her! hell, even Jane from the first two games with red hair will be present as well! the only reason why people are freaking out is because of pure hate for good looking characters and wanting their crack-addicted shepard to be shoved down everyone's throats everywhere as the "real" shepard.
Thank you for reading my fellow gentlemen, if you experience any anger or confusing please drop me a private message and i will help you get back to being normal.