You know, a lot of mother fuckers have been writing blogs recently. And I mean a lot of mother fuckers. I'm not sure what the deal is, but everyone seems to think that they have an opinion on things and that they matter.

Well guess what, world, I matter too and I have opinions, probably more opinions than everyone else combined, and it's time that I had a blog too.

But if there's one thing that pisses me off more than anything else, it's that all these blogs are about video games. Who the fuck even cares about video games anymore, I mean really? Video games? When was the last time anyone actually cared about video games? I'll tell you when.

NEVER.

So I'm turning this shit on it's head. I'm going to write the world's first, greatest, and only video game blog that isn't about video games.

Am I making waves yet? Well sit your asses down and strap your life jackets on tight because we're just in the eye of the storm, the storm of change.

Not only is this blog going to cover a wide range of controversial and thought provoking topics of discussion on a weekly basis probably, but it's also going to be about how much I fucking hate video games. I have a lot of things to say about video games, and most of them are not good. In fact I would go so far as to say they are rude, foul, unwarranted, offensive, and above all both crudely conceived and written.

So let's get the revolution train underway with today's topic.

Mother Fucking Waiters and Why They Don't Deserve My God Damn Money

So I want to start this blog off with a somewhat controversial topic, and that is all these fucking waiters stealing my god damn money "because."

Okay listen up, society, because I have a bone to pick with you. Why does this jack ass 16 year old that just happens to have the shit job of couriering food to my table deserve a fucking tithe just because "it's hard." You know what a lot of jobs are hard. I haven't exactly had the best working experience, but no one thought to ever thought to just hand twenty bucks when I was a jack ass 16 year old, why is it that I have to pay this asshole just because he has to interact with me, a paying customer who doesn't want to give this jerk my money?

You know I hear a lot of bull shit arguments for why you should tip, so instead of trying to justify common fucking sense I've opted to demolish all of these one by one, gladiatorial arena style.

Overwhelmingly the biggest advocacy I hear for tipping is because waiting is apparently the hardest fucking job in the world and they deserve our extra cash for all the bull shit they have to deal with. Well someone fucking explain to me what it is their doing that I couldn't do myself? I came to this god damn restaurant to eat nice food I can't cook, not to have some fucking high school kid pour a coke in my lap and forget my order. To further illustrate my point I've constructed a detailed list of things a waiter can do that I could not do myself.

I tip my barber because I can't cut fucking hair, they provide me with a service that I could not perform on my own. They earn that shit. Waiters are a fucking disservice, they are actively making my life harder than it needs to be with their fucking bull shit. Pretty much any place that uses a fucking ticket system gets this shit right. I order food, they call my god damn number, I got get the god damn food, and I got eat my god damn food. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication.

Bringing up this counterpoint usually results in the fucking waiter white knight brigade playing that "this is the only job they can get and they really need to money card." Well you know what, fuck you. You know who else needs money? The people in the fucking kitchen. I've talked with people who have been waiters in their past lives and again and again what I hear is that with tips they make significantly more money than anyone in the kitchen. Yeah these aren't fucking 5 star gourmet restaurants these assholes are working at, but that's still pretty fucking sad. The people doing actual work are getting paid just above minimum wage for literally standing within the bowels of hell for eight hours a day, I've seen those fucking kitchens that shit is crazy, while these fucking cunts waiting tables are getting paid out the ass in tips they don't even have to pay taxes on.

I read a wikipedia article so I know this is fact.

And whenever someone actually thinks to rewards those cretins making their food for once it's "Send my compliments to the chef." Yeah real good job their money bags, I'm sure those compliments will help the guy grilling your fat ass a 12 ounce steak will appreciate your charitable donation while Johnny dip shit is toking up with his friends behind Wal-Mart with half your fucking bill.

So the short of it is if you tip, fuck you. Tipping is fucking stupid and you should feel ashamed.

Go give your fucking money to charity if you have so much extra cash that you can just throw it at some dumb ass whose just going to go spend it on Madden and blow.

The ONE Video Game I Actually Enjoyed Playing

I was going to write something about Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines but I can't be assed to go boot it up and take screen shots so guess what you get to hear about Battlefront II instead.

It's a good game and you really should have bought it while it was on sale.

I'm going to go play Planescape now, here is a screen shot from Animaniacs on the Gameboy.

Until next week.

Probably.