What the Mel?! - Of Ignorants and Bullies
By melcene 9 Comments
Ignorants
Well. I finally did something that is going to help save some of my sanity, I think. I clicked "Hide all posts from this person" on their Facebook news feeds. Here was the final post that broke the camel's back:
Shout Out !!! I Dedicate This Whole Day To You My My:-)To Day Is A Very Special Birthday For You :-) Gordita This Year Is The Year To Celebrate:-) Everything Wonderful God Has Done With You And You With Him It's Amazing. You Keep Celebrating Gordita:-) Know That Your Father Has Your Day Plan For Ur Birthday So Ma Let Him Have His Way For You!!! Lol :-) Happy Birthday Gordita Love Ya Muahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
My aunt, the one I lived with from 13-17, the one who tries to take credit for the person I am today, posted that this morning. It was meant for her son's girlfriend. By the way, if you don't speak Spanish, Gordita means fat girl (at least in non-Mexican Spanish). Yes, she calls basically calls her my fat girl. Well, the girl IS Samoan. But I digress. There are three things that bothered the hell out of me with this. The religious crap I could get past, perhaps, if this had been written in some fucking form of English. But this woman, who is 50 years old, fucking refuses to put a goddamn sentence together correctly. To make matter worse, the girl she is "shouting out" to is one that allegedly has stolen from her and did all this crap, ended up in jail, and when my aunt found out that her son and this girl were back together, she was NOT happy. Now she loves this girl again. I realize with the religious stuff it may seem like maybe she just went all religious and forgiving with this girl. Nope, my aunt is totally two-faced. Always has been. So all these things wrapped up together, I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm not going to unfriend my family members because that would just be asking to start trouble, but my aunt, and several other family members like her just had all their Facebook posts hidden from showing up in my newsfeed anymore. I'd rather retain my sanity and reduce the chances of letting sharp words get away from me.
Bullies
So there was a big thread in the forums about some video (and this is what I gather happened, I didn't watch) where a bully kid was picking on a smaller kid, and picking on him, and picking on him, until the smaller kid got fed up, and apparently did some pretty violent crap to the bully. It sounds like this was on school grounds, with people watching, though no one interfered, and ultimately, both kids got in trouble, I think? But the whole thread really went on about bullying.I will say ahead of time, I don't think I've ever been truly bullied. I've been picked on, sure. But I never experienced the everyday, fear to go to school, emotionally depressing bullying. Then again, I attribute that in large part simply to the kind of person I've been throughout my life.
My own memories are faded and possibily inaccurate, so I'll give an example from my own daughter, since she is a lot like her mom.
One of her first years of school, my husband got called into the principal's office. Our daughter was in trouble for fighting. When he asked what happened, he was told that our daughter hit someone. When he pressed for more information he found out that the actual story went like this: The kids were standing in line for whatever reason. The boy behind our daughter kept pulling her hair. She told him to knock it off. He instead continued to pull her hair. She turned around and kicked him in the shin. And got sent to the principal's office.
That was me as a kid too. During elementary school I probably played with the boys more than the girls. And I got plenty of shit for being short (even today, I'm only 5'3"), for having glasses, for having crooked teeth, for being poor, etc. But my response was often to give them shit right back. I guess I've always had a strong personality. I've had guys try to intimidate me as though they were going to beat me up, and it never worked, because I'd be willing to scrap with them.
So anyway, this is just my own background and why I feel the way I do about the bully situation.
Of course there are bullies out there, and sure, it's not right. But I think we are doing a disservice by coddling children who are bullied, or even teased. I'm sorry, if you're a six year old kid and you're 200 lbs, the other kids ARE going to make fun of you, no way around it. Parent's certainly shouldn't be trying to coddle the kid by saying it's not his fault he's fat (especially since if it's not his fault, then it's theirs). Getting picked on is a part of growing up. Learning how to deal with it is also a big part of that. Children who never learn how to deal with it will have problems later in life when there is a different type of bullying going on in the workplace and they don't know how to address it. And honestly, sometimes it's the only way to get through to kids about their problems. Your kid doesn't like brushing their teeth? They'll learn to brush when they start getting teased at school about stinky breath. Your kid likes wearing crappy old clothes to school? They may change their mind when they're made fun of over it.
Now, this is certainly not excusing bullies at all. This is just an example of how I think society is fucking this up. The other example is punishing kids for sticking up for themselves. I realize that perhaps the kid in the video that was posted in that thread went too far. But should kids who stick up for themselves with bullies always get in trouble? My kid didn't need to be sent to the principal's office for what she did when she was being messed with. I have no problem admitting I have little doubt my kid has done other things she probably deserves to go to the principal's office for, but for defending herself?
Society is simply helping the vicious cycle along. We will demonize the children who defend themselves, but we will continue to coddle children into believing that no one should ever get picked on, ever.
And this is one of those where I've lost my train of thought.... so on to other things...