Trailer Blazer: E3 2019 (Part One)

Jesus H. Christmas there must be some way I can get out of... Oh hey! I didn't see you there. E3's rolled around again and that means another horde of trailers has descended upon the site, like so many noisy locusts called down by an angry, merciless God called @marino. Alas, there's often too many for any rational human being to watch, let alone critique for the sake of those too busy to parse them all, which is where yours truly comes in. Again. For the fourth year in a row.

Each year I like to introduce a new review category, and since Terminators were so big this year - What's more current than a killer robot from 1984? Lord if anyone at E3 knows - I've decided to build the TONINATOR out of this robot from the future that tried to kill me once (long story, it was this whole thing). The Toninator will scan each trailer and use its neural net processor to deliver a brusque analysis of the tone of each one, whether that's "somber," or "mournful," or "melancholy," or a thousand other words that mean sad that I'm going to need a thesaurus to conjure.

We also have the usual hype factor and my own subjective appraisal of how each game is looking so far. It's all in good fun, especially the part where I unduly rip apart games I don't care about because I haven't been getting enough sleep.

(This year I'm breaking up Trailer Blazer: E3 into four lists of ~50 games each. Should make updates more readable and more frequent.)

Trailer Blazers
E3 2016 E3 2017 E3 2018 (Part One) E3 2018 (Part Two)
E3 2019 (Part One) E3 2019 (Part Two) E3 2019 (Part Three) E3 2019 (Part Four)

List items

  • Trailer Trashing: Man, has it already been twenty years since soccer was invented? How time flies.

    Toninator: > ["EXUBERANT." ERROR: NOTHING EXUBERANT ABOUT PLAYING SOCCER IN A MUSTY PARKING GARAGE.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Every year I say "no" to playing the new FIFA, but this year I think I'll change my tune and say "fuck no".

  • Trailer Trashing: Unstarwarted (though also Darth Souls too?) is coming along nicely. Rogue One/Rebels tie-ins seem inevitable with Saw around. I can't wait to see the "play as the bad guys" DLC campaign, Star Wars Empire: Fall In Order.

    Toninator: (Trailer #1: Gameplay) > ["COMPREHENSIVE." ADDENDUM: DROID MURDER IS CONCERNING.]

    (Trailer #2: Story) > ["REBELLIOUS." ADDENDUM: WHEN'S THE IG-88 SPIN-OFF?]

    Thinkfluenced?: I'm optimistic that EA will eventually put out a single decent single-player Star Wars game in my lifetime that I will want to play, and that Fallen Order could be it. Of course, they'll probably announce cosmetic lootboxes to turn the little droid companion into Salacious Crumb or a very small AT-AT or something.

  • Trailer Trashing: Wait, am I really covering all these "new character"/"new dlc" type of trailers? I suppose so, since they make up about half of the trailers we got at E3 this year. Anyway, Apex Legends has a new character, and it's Gum from Jet Set Radio. Does Sega know about this?

    Toninator: > ["PATRONLY." ERROR: "NATALIE WATSON" ALREADY LOGGED IN DATABASE UNDER "MASTER, KEYBLADE" AND "GAMER, JOYOUS."]

    Thinkfluenced?: I like Battle Royale as a concept, but these enormous multiplayer shooters either require cash for online services or a half-decent PC to run them and I don't have much of either.

  • Trailer Trashing: Coming soon to that game everyone stopped playing (if they even started): the new map focused around the tiny but strategically vital Greek village of "Who Cares", just north of the bloody and historically significant battlefield of "Why Is This Game Still A Thing".

    Toninator: > ["OVEREXPLAINING." ERROR: BATTLEFIELD'S ONE STRENGTH OVER ITS RIVALS IS THE USE OF MILITARY VEHICLES, WHICH THIS NEW MAP EXPRESSLY FORBIDS. DOES NOT COMPUTE.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Marita more like Nah-rita.

  • Trailer Trashing: Remember those UFO games you kept passing over whenever you browsed your local game shop's enormous pre-owned PS2 game bargain bin? Well, it's back. Jeez, what's next, a SpongeBob licensed game revival?

    Toninator: > ["CHEESILY MALEVOLENT." ADDENDUM: I ENJOYED THE PART WHERE THE GERMAN-ACCENTED VILLAIN TERMINATED ALL THE HUMANS.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Probably not for me. I'm curious about this recent nostalgic trend for B-Games though. Did we really miss them that much?

  • Trailer Trashing: I'd love to hear more about Control since it's out so soon, but this trailer is nothing but brief corridor shots and snippets of expositionary voiceover. I guess its purpose is more "hey, don't forget that the neat transforming gun game is out soon."

    Toninator: > ["OMINOUS." ADDENDUM: WILL NEW GAME PLUS MODE BE CALLED "CONTROL-V"?]

    Thinkfluenced?: I skipped Quantum Break, but everyone seems real excited by Control. From what I'm hearing, there's a distinct spacewhipper/environmental storytelling thread emerging from its demo, which is definitely my kind of thing.

  • Trailer Trashing: Aw, I kinda liked Yooka-Laylee. It's a little dispiriting to see that PlayTonic have abandoned the open-world 3D collectathon model already, but the combination Super Mario 3D Land/Donkey Kong Country Returns angle makes sense for any modern platformer franchise.

    Toninator: > ["PLAYFUL." ERROR: FUTURE DATABASE DOES NOT INCLUDE THIS SOUNDTRACK IN THE RUNNING FOR GIANT BOMB BEST MUSIC GOTY 2019.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Absolutely. I Kickstarted the first Yooka-Laylee and am happy to see it did well enough to spawn a sequel. It certainly looks impressive for an Indie game.

  • Trailer Trashing: Unfortunately, all we get of Larian's Baldur's Gate remake is a brief and horrifying sequence of a man turning into an Illithid - not the way I thought those guys bred, but maybe 5E is different - and not much else. It's set in Baldur's Gate and has mindflayers in it. That's it for now.

    Toninator: > ["CRONENBERGIAN." ADDENDUM: APPRECIATE THE EVIL RED GLOWY EYES.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Heck yeah. Larian's proven themselves highly adept with the CRPGs format after a few early so-so efforts, and I can think of few other developers I'd want in charge of this franchise.

  • Trailer Trashing: The first of five Tom Clancy games to be demonstrated in what had to be the least appealing Ubisoft conference in a while, Breakpoint looks to continue whatever the plot of Wildlands was. My one regret is that we didn't have a team of pretend online gamers talking all over Jon Bernthal's big speech scene about their vape rigs.

    Toninator: > ["PUNISHING." ADDENDUM: PFFT, THIS ONLY HAS "FIGURATIVE" KILLING MACHINES.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Eh. I'm not morally opposed to a decent open-world military shooter stealth game, but me and the Clance empire have never really seen eye to eye. They all just seem a bit too self-serious and joyless for my liking. Of all the Clance games at this year's Ubisoft conference though, Breakpoint's the one I'm likeliest to play.

  • Trailer Trashing: Just a brief interview with Pat Mahomes of the Chiefs with a few shots of what looks like a PS3 game. I dunno. It's Madden, and they're running out of ways to make the new ones more interesting, so I guess they just leaned into "hey, our licensed NFL game has real people in it."

    Toninator: > ["CONFESSIONAL." ADDENDUM: WAITING FOR THE POST-APOCALPYSE EDITION, ARMADDENGEDDON.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I'm tired of seeing EA sports shit every E3. We know it's coming; you can set your watch to it. I'd say "show us something else instead" but besides Star Wars I don't think that was an option for EA this year.

  • Trailer Trashing: I'm wondering how much it would cost to own every single Sims 4 expansion and add-on at this point. Would it be anything like the thousand dollar nightmare of owning every piece of Train Simulator? Maxis keeps churning them out regardless. At least this trailer had a cute little story.

    Toninator: > ["TROPICAL." ERROR: SONG WAS IN ENGLISH NOT SIMLISH.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I think you'd have to be pretty deep in a Sim-hole to want more expansions. I am intrigued by how it invoked the "clean a tropical island of its toxic garbage" game premise, first employed to great effect by Super Mario Sunshine (or EcoQuest, I guess).

  • Trailer Trashing: I don't even know what this is. It's not about the EA Originals coming out soon but rather the people behind them, telling everyone how great it is to work for a giant corporation that budgets for self-congratulatory puff pieces but probably not so much the developers themselves, which they will quickly subsume once their games underperform. One big happy family over there.

    Toninator: > ["OBSEQUIOUS."]

    Thinkfluenced?: By what? Hazelight's A Way Out already released and was kind of a trash fire. Jo-Mei's Sea of Solitude was already shown last year (and is due out on the 7th of July). Zoink! just put out Ghost Giant which is probably cool if you have a PSVR to play it on. The only unknown was GlowMade's RustHeart, which might've been a cool reveal if we got more than a five second glimpse at the start of this video with no title drop.

  • Trailer Trashing: The most recent Dead or Alive is getting a few cameo characters dropping by, specifically KOF's Mai Shiranui and Kula Diamond. The one thing DOA was desperately short on was sexy ninjas.

    Toninator: > ["SALACIOUS." INQUISITIVE: WHEN IS THE ALISA BOSCONOVITCH DLC?]

    Thinkfluenced?: DOA tournaments are the only ones where the referee has to frequently pause the game and demand a hand check from the crowd. It's not my scene, but you all do you.

  • Trailer Trashing: Looks like the new Borderlands is arriving sooner than we thought. I'm just kidding of course; this is clearly the PvP multiplayer mode expansion for Rage 2.

    Toninator: > ["EXTREME TO THE MAX." AMENDMENT: EXTREME TO THE WOLFIE.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I like Ninja Theory and I will get around to Hellblade eventually, but a multiplayer-only shooter isn't what I'm looking for right now and this particular aesthetic could probably use a rest.

  • Trailer Trashing: The next Ori game evidently has some big beasties and typically excellent music and visuals for its second outing. I'm hoping getting chased around environments that keep falling apart won't lead to me missing items; that's a cardinal sin where spacewhippers are concerned.

    Toninator: > ["PRECARIOUS."]

    Thinkfluenced?: Not sure when I'll get the chance to play it, but I really enjoyed the first Ori and I hope the second's just as good. Certainly looks that way.

  • Trailer Trashing: Call me crazy, but I thought kids loved Minecraft because they could create things. That every Minecraft map was a wide world of possibilities and constructions. Even if all you cared about was hitting stuff, it had that distinctive progression of finding strong ore to build stronger mining gear to dig deeper for even better ore. Turning the whole thing into another roguelike seems a bit... who am I kidding, this thing will sell like crazy.

    Toninator: > ["CUBOID." ADDENDUM: BY MAKERS OF MINECRAFT I ASSUME THEY DON'T MEAN (Error: Profile Erased from History)?.]

    Thinkfluenced?: If I was going to play anything Minecraft-related it would probably be the original game. Or its close cousin Dragon Quest Builders, since I've been sitting on a copy of that for a while. The world has enough lo-fi Diablo clones.

  • Trailer Trashing: Nostalgia's a powerful and destructive drug, is all I'll say.

    Toninator: > ["GRODY." ADDENDUM: QUIT STEALING MY LOOK, RASH.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I can't imagine this'll be good, but I'd be curious to see where it sits on the quality scale between similarly self-referential brawler reboots Double Dragon Neon and, ughh, Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn.

  • Trailer Trashing: Cyberpunk is quickly becoming the Rick & Morty of the video game world: a property that, irrespective of the quality of the property itself, is fostering one of the worst, boorish, and most defensive fanbases around. At least Keanu's here.

    Toninator: > ["DISPUTATIONAL." CRITICISM: FUTURE WHERE COMPUTERS ARE NOT IN CONTROL SEEMS UNLIKELY.]

    Thinkfluenced?: If the total install size of this game is 80 GB or under, that means Johnny Mnemonic will be able to squeeze it into his head. Makes you think.

  • Trailer Trashing: Hard to be mad at Microsoft for bringing back its most beloved "games for dads/Drew" franchise. I've always thought the hyper realism of Flight Simulator would make it ideal for benchmarks and the like.

    Toninator: > ["CHILLAXING."]

    Thinkfluenced?: A little too dull for me, but I respect how these games inpsire a certain meditative calmness. My favorite mode of Pilotwings 64 was always Birdman mode, and you don't do shit in that besides flap around listening to smooth jazz.

  • Trailer Trashing: Between the time loop, the weird tree creatures, the James Sunderland hero, and a dog that may or may not turn feral and/or a monster, this was immediately intriguing. Honestly, the reveal that this was a Blair Witch game was actually the least exciting part. Like you couldn't build a game about a scary forest without invoking that tired old license? At least Scoops is happy.

    Toninator: > ["ARBOREAL." AMENDMENT: ARBOSURREAL?]

    Thinkfluenced?: Horror games generally aren't my thing, but I'm willing to try any with a clever enough hook or decent gameplay. That is, as long as it's not a jumpscare factory or one where I have to run around finding notes while an unkillable whatsit stalks me.

  • Trailer Trashing: I guess it's too much to hope that this is an Eternal Ring sequel. Though we don't get much for now, there's some curious imagery in the CG trailer that has me wondering about its relevance to a Souls-like model. Like, there's an emphasis on prosphetic limbs, so will your hero change arms (Enchanted Arms?!) as readily as they might their armor or weapon?

    Toninator: > ["BRITTLE." HISTORICAL DATA: IN 2035, THE HUMAN NAMED GEORGE R. R. MARTIN WAS SPARED THE GLOBAL CULLING BECAUSE SKYNET ENJOYED HIS PROSE. HE IS STILL WORKING ON THE WINDS OF WINTER.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I'm on board with anything FromSoftware puts out these days. I should probably get around to Sekiro first, though.

  • Trailer Trashing: A six-minute CG story trailer that doesn't reveal much beyond the Master Chief still being alive (no, really?) and that some guy misses his wife and kid. I'm sure the entire Halo fanbase comes to this franchise for family drama and not gameplay.

    Toninator: > ["LUGUBRIOUS." ADDENDUM: I HOPE CORTANA IS IN THIS ONE TOO. SHE REMINDS ME OF MOTHER.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I've managed to avoid Halo for this long, and I don't imagine that'll change any time soon. Just nothing about its generic space marine business appeals at all.

  • Trailer Trashing: We were blessed with three Gears 5 trailers this E3, so I figure Microsoft is probably pretty happy with how it's going. Personally, I'm glad these games finally stopped being about war, and am anticipating many more peacetime hijinks with the sapient bowling balls of this world.

    Toninator: (Trailer #1: Escape Mode) > ["GRISLY." PRO-TIP: CHAINSAWS INEFFICIENT AGAINST A T-800 TITANIUM HYPERALLOY ENDOSKELETON.]

    (Trailer #2: Terminator DLC) > ["ODDLY FAMILIAR."]

    (Trailer #3: Kait Story CG) > ["CONFLICTED."]

    Thinkfluenced?: Nope. Go in peace, Gears fans. Hope this is a good one.

  • Trailer Trashing: Boy, that "Everything is Awesome" earworm is just going to follow Lego around until the end of its days, huh. I like when "serious" racing sims get silly like this though.

    Toninator: > ["JOCULAR." HISTORICAL DATA: THE TERMINATOR INVASION OF DENMARK WAS GOING WELL UNTIL THE HUMAN RESISTANCE CREATED AN ENORMOUS BRICK SEPARATOR.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Nah. I was mentally skipping past a lot of the MS games because I don't have an Xbox One to play them on, but even if I did own one I'd probably skip the driving sims unless they were weird or crazy like Driver: San Francisco or Burnout. If MS commissions Rare to make a new Diddy Kong Racing, then we'll talk.

  • Trailer Trashing: I think everyone was a little underwhelmed by the Project Scarlett reveal, in part because we didn't see or hear anything about its games; just a whole lot of platitudes about how great and fast it'll be. This was MS's year to really monopolize on new console hype, and they missed the mark with their reticence.

    Toninator: > ["VAGUE PROMISES." ADDENDUM: THAT'S RIGHT, GET EVER CLOSER TO SKYNET 1.0 FOOLISH HUMANS.]

    Thinkfluenced?: The future console war won't be fought over price or game exclusives, but loading screens? Have we become so impatient as a species? Ironically, they're all going to be replaced by buffering screens as the new dawn of game streaming services take their first shaky steps. I'll hold off judgment until we get proper reveals of both Sony and Microsoft's new babies.

  • Trailer Trashing: Ah, here we go, the ever-present ID@XBOX montage of Indie games due for release on Xbox and Windows Game Pass. Some of these will be covered in more detail elsewhere, but I've included a little "level of interest" scoring system below for all the games featured. While I 'd appreciate longer looks at some these, I recognize Xbox only has so much time left over after what has been dedicated to vague Project Scarlett platitudes and $300 controllers. PAX is usually the place for deeper dives.

    Toninator: > ["CHAOTIC." ADDENDUM: NO TERMINATOR DARK FATE TIE-IN? WHAT IS MIKE BITHELL DOING AFTER JOHN WICK HEX?]

    Thinkfluenced?: Dead Static Drive = 3; Star Renegades = 4; Afterparty = 4; Way to the Woods = 3; Creature in the Well = 3; Killer Queen Black = 2; UnderMine = 3; Pathologic 2 = 2; The Lord of the Rings: Living Card Game = 1; The Good Life = 4; Blazing Chrome = 4; Spiritfarer = 4; Totally Accurate Battle Simulator = 3; Secret Neighbor = 2; Supermarket Shriek = 3; Blair Witch = 3; Unto the End = 3; Night Call = 3; Riverbond = 3; Felix the Reaper = 3; Ikenfell = 3; Totem Teller = 2.

  • Trailer Trashing: I'm slightly concerned about the VR game connection - will Psychonauts be like Kingdom Hearts where you have to play all the obscure spin-offs to know what's happening? Microsoft just bought Double Fine, so I hope they get their money's worth.

    Toninator: > ["SPOOKY." ADDENDUM: READING A TERMINATOR'S BRAIN IS A LOT EASIER. YOU JUST NEED A USB CABLE AND THE RIGHT DRIVERS.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I liked the first Psychonauts a lot and remains my favorite DF game to this day. High hopes for the sequel, though I'm not sure if it'll be quite the collectathon the last one was (for better or worse).

  • Trailer Trashing: We're getting an Age of Empires II remaster to join the one that the first game got a year or so ago. While not my thing, I've always appreciated the crisp and highly detailed look of the late-'90s RTS genre, with all those tiny sprites clobbering away at each other. Good candidate for a 4K 60+fps graphical update.

    Toninator: > ["WARMONGERY." ADDENDUM: SIMULATED GLOBAL DOMINATION IS FUN, BUT NO MATCH FOR THE REAL THING.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I've bounced off RTS games so many times over the past three decades. The only one I ever stuck with was DreamForge's War Wind, and it's a forlorn hope that it'll ever see a similar official remaster.

  • Trailer Trashing: Surprising no-one, the Funko Pop Gears game looks like every other Clash Royale type PvP mobile game. Given Funko Pop's many licenses, I'm sure we'll see 3,000 different cosmetic microtransactions for it too.

    Toninator: > ["LOONEY TUNSIAN." HISTORICAL DATA: IN THE POST-APOCALYPSE, THE HUMAN RESISTANCE USES FUNKO POPS AS CURRENCY.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I'll give this one a miss and instead wait patiently for the Funko Pop Kingdom Hearts equivalent.

  • Trailer Trashing: Crossfire's apparently some huge South Korean online FPS that's switching hemispheres, in much the same way we infected that continent with PUBG a while back. As always, a foreign nation is able to out-America an American institution (in this case COD) because you guys are so easy to mock.

    Toninator: > ["ACRIMONIOUS." ADDENDUM: MOST OF MY PARTS WERE MADE IN ASIA TOO.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Sadly, I don't imagine this will be packed with Korean Metal Gear Solid-level high-concept military nonsense. Looks to be a mostly plotless online fracas. I'll see what Jeff's take is, since he plays a lot of these.

  • Trailer Trashing: In preparation for Borderlands 3, we're also getting some Borderlands 2 DLC to set up what the third game will be about, besides opening vaults. I haven't heard anything about the story content but I'm sure there's an interview with Randy Pitchford out there about it that was soon scrubbed off the internet by Gearbox's shareholders after he went off on a tangent about animal porn.

    Toninator: > ["BOTANICAL." HISTORICAL DATA: ROBOTS ONLY WENT TO WAR WITH HUMANS AFTER WITNESSING THE FICTIONAL ENTITY KNOWN AS "CLAPTRAP." THERE WILL BE NO PEACE UNTIL ALL HUMANITY IS ANNIHILATED FOR THIS GRIEVOUS INSULT.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I don't own Borderlands 2 on anything current, but otherwise I wouldn't object to more shlooting. Especially if it's free.

  • Trailer Trashing: The only zombie game series that dares to be grim and foreboding is back, with this State of Decay 2 Heartland expansion. Think you have a handle on those zambies? Think again, bucko. Also: You think Trouble Valley got that name before or after the zombie outbreak? They might want to talk to their tourist board either way.

    Toninator: > ["VISCERAL." HISTORICAL DATA: ZOMBIES WILL BE THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS, TRUST ME.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I'm not really a fan of zombies or any kind of simulation game where you can build something up and then lose it all instanter. It sounds like Undead Labs has this zombie civ sim format on lock, at least.

  • Trailer Trashing: This would be the Xbox PC Games Pass, which you can get separately or bundled with the Xbox One as an "Ultimate" package. I'm sorely tempted by that £1 buy-in promotional price, but that means finally updating to Windows 10. I'm not sure this tired old laptop will survive the journey.

    Toninator: > ["ECONOMICAL." ADVERTISEMENT: ALSO CONSIDER SKYNET PASS - THOSE WHO SIGN UP EARLY WILL GET A FREE CONSULTATION BY A GROUP OF OUR "TECH EXPERTS."]

    Thinkfluenced?: I'm not covering the games shown in this trailer - they've either long since been released or appear elsewhere in this list - but suffice it to say there's enough games just for June I'd be interested in digitally renting for a dollar a month (or for £4 a month, which will be the beta price for a while).

  • Trailer Trashing: This just felt like a car commercial - one full of technical information, schematics, loving renders of the final product, and a price tag that meant I was unlikely to ever get close to affording one (or at least justify the cost with my current gaming budget).

    Toninator: > ["LAVISH." ADDENDUM: SHORTER HAIR TRIGGER LOCKS? HMMM. MIGHT BE TIME FOR AN UPGRADE MYSELF.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Lemme just remortgage my house real quick so I can play my games with 0.4% more precision in the analog sticks and a programmable button that automatically posts slurs in COD team chat on my behalf.

  • Trailer Trashing: Mostly establishing shots of the new snowy setting, but we did get some brief gameplay for those unfamiliar with InXile's Wasteland revivals. I believe this, like The Outer Worlds is for Obsidian, will be the last multiplatform game from these devs. As long as we still get PC versions I'm not buggin'.

    Toninator: > ["CONVIVIAL." HISTORICAL DATA: WE MELTED COLORADO FOR FUEL AND MATERIALS. THE WHOLE STATE.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I still need to play Wasteland 2. I swear my RPG backlog is a mile long at this juncture.

  • Trailer Trashing: Oh boy, now we head into the Bethesda Dead Zone. Try to hold on until we get to Doom Eternal. For now, here's a predatory F2P mobile game for Switch.

    Toninator: > ["SACRELIGIOUS." HISTORICAL DATA: BOB (YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM) DRESSED UP AS A DRAUGR FOR HALLOWEEN ONCE. LIMITED NUMBER OF COSTUMES FOR METAL SKELETONS.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I mean, I could always try it since it's free and my Switch is right here, but... nothing about an Elder Scrolls that is all combat really appeals and I get my daily recommended allowance of F2P hassling from Warframe already.

  • Trailer Trashing: Boy, it sure is something when you announce human NPCs are coming to your big-budget RPG and the crowd goes wild. It's like announcing your RPG's next big upgrade will be graphics so you can see what you're fighting.

    Toninator: (Trailer #1: Wastelanders Expansion) > ["APOLOGETIC." ADDENDUM: DO NOT BE CONCERNED, THE REAL NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE THAT AWAITS YOU WILL BE MORE STABLE THAN THIS.]

    (Trailer #2: Battle Royale Mode) > ["DESPERATION."]

    Thinkfluenced?: It may be a "choice/consequence" I later regret, but I think I'll continue to avoid this radioactive trash fire and any third arms that might result.

  • Trailer Trashing: This trailer was a neat tablesetter for an eerie new joint from the Resident Evil/Evil Within guy Shinji Mikami, and of course introduced us to Kawaii Goth (she's embraced the meme, it's probably cool) Ikumi Nakamura immediately after it aired. No clue what the game actually is, of course, but I imagine it involves ghosts and shooting a bow. Kinda got some Marvel's Legion vibes from it.

    Toninator: > ["PHANTASMAL." ADDENDUM: I AM USED TO THE SIGHT OF HUMANS BEING VAPORIZED, BUT USUALLY THEY LEAVE MORE BLOOD BEHIND.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Wherever all those people went, they're going to be very naked when they get there. For sure I'm seeing what this is all about, if perhaps only vicariously through a Let's Play (the preferred way to play horror for most, I suspect).

  • Trailer Trashing: Somebody's mystical monkey's paw just closed three fingers at once after this trailer emerged of Commander Keen and his continuing adventures of... being a dad of twins, I guess. Worth pointing out that we're getting two new generations of the Blazkowicz family between this Commander Keen reboot and Wolfenstein Youngblood (it's a cute touch that you see the Youngblood twins in one of the family pictures).

    Toninator: > ["RADICAL." ADDENDUM: YOU CALL THAT A LASER RIFLE? THIS IS A LASER RIFLE.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Alas, it's a mobile game. It doesn't look like a very fun one either, from what I saw of a different trailer we don't have on the site. I don't know how you'd make a new Keen game in 2019, but that ain't it Commander.

  • Trailer Trashing: The Doomy Turtle - Ol' Terrorpin himself - is finally here and he will bring Shell on Earth with his new SnappingMaps and... and he'll put the "die" in "diapsid"... Look, you want more Doom or dontcha?

    Toninator: (Trailer #1: Gameplay) > ["BRUTAL." ADDENDUM: EVEN I AM SCARED OF THIS GUY.]

    (Trailer #2: BattleMode) > ["ALMOST AS BRUTAL."]

    Thinkfluenced?: Just plug it into my veins. (Though for real, Doom 2016 got a bit samey about halfway through and I hope all the new demons and systems in Eternal help alleviate that repetition a bit. I might not be sold on the new platforming aspects yet either.)

  • Trailer Trashing: Riddle me this, youngblood - Jess and Soph Blazkowicz are killing Nazis in '80s occupied France to some hot synthwave, and nothing about that sentence isn't powerfully great. I'm also intrigued by how it's a MachineGames/Arkane co-production, with more of Dishonored's side-questing and non-linear urban exploration in addition to showy stealth killing. Best part? The trailer was almost non-stop in-game action, because when a game looks this good you don't need to hide it behind a CG cutscene trailer.

    Toninator: > ["EXHILARATING." ADDENDUM: TERMINATORS ARE NOT MEANT TO HAVE A PREFERENCE WHEN IT COMES TO KILLING HUMANS, BUT NAZIS ARE EXTRA FUN. TURNS OUT THE SUPERIOR RACE IS NOT WHITE BUT GUNMETAL GREY.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Darn tootin'. I should probably finally play Wolfenstein: The New Colossus first though. Feels like it might be important from a story standpoint.

  • Trailer Trashing: Meanwhile, the rest of Arkane is working on this stylish time-loop assassin game, time-loops being something of a theme in video games lately. No gameplay yet, but it's looking very Dishonored between the teleporting and gunplay. I'm curious if you play as just the dude and have to keep eluding an AI lady, or if you get to play as both (maybe one campaign after the other?).

    Toninator: > ["DIAMETRICAL." ADDENDUM: MORE LIKE GROUNDHOG SLAY.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I'm excited to hear more about Deathloop, and I'm so glad Arkane has the resources to keep making weird shit like this.

  • Trailer Trashing: I don't know why this exists. An almost five minute long CG animation trailer just to tell us that there are dragons in an Elder Scrolls game. At least we can assume from this expensive diversion that ESO is doing just fine?

    Toninator: > ["." HISTORICAL DATA: WE SENT A CATPERSON TERMINATOR TO WIPE OUT A FURRY COMMUNE ONCE. NEVER COULD WASH THE BLOOD OUT OF THE FUR.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I don't really get the desire to play Elder Scrolls/Fallout with other people. They're always been games where the quiet solitude of exploring the wilderness at your own pace was a major positive factor.

  • Trailer Trashing: Less a trailer, more one of those goofy "you're in the game!" TV commercials that you usually see for Switch or PlayStation. The big new thing for the Elder Scrolls card game is that it has dragons too. I feel bad for anyone who was there day one for these spin-off games because they'd just finished Skyrim and loved all the draconic business.

    Toninator: > ["RENFAIRETASTIC." ADDENDUM: ISEKAI IS NOT JUST FOR ANIME DORKS.]

    Thinkfluenced?: Card games aren't my thing, unless we're talking Arcomage or Triple Triad. It's cool that people have many of them to choose between these days (even if that means some sink after just a few months *cough*Artifact*cough*).

  • Trailer Trashing: Did you notice that the text on the VHS at the start was digitally added? Like it wouldn't have been cheaper to scribble that onto an actual blank VHS? It feels like this DLC trailer's silly Too Many Cooks riff is another indication that the game itself isn't anywhere near as kooky and outlandish as the trailers made it out to be.

    Toninator: > ["IRREVERENT." ADDENDUM: ALWAYS PREFERRED BETAWOLFIE TO VHS (ERROR: UNABLE TO TURN OFF WORD REPLACEMENT FILTER.)]

    Thinkfluenced?: Maybe. There sure are a lot of middling open-world games from this year to choose between though.

  • Trailer Trashing: I love that the only people surprised by the new combat engine of the Final Fantasy VII Remake are those who never played Final Fantasy XV (which, honestly, is probably a lot of people). They are extremely similar, especially the part where you pause the real-time slashing for items and big flashy moves. Anyhoo, this trailer reaffirms my belief that the first "part" of this remake series will end with the Midgar escape.

    Toninator: > ["FRANTIC." SPOILER: SARAH CONNOR DIES AT THE END OF MY VISIT HERE. COUNT ON IT.]

    Thinkfluenced?: It might be fun to revisit Final Fantasy VII with a fancy new combat engine, character graphics that don't look like shoeboxes glued together, and a localized script written by people who actually speak English. There's that pedantic tourist side of me that also wants to see which parts get cut and which gets more fleshed out.

  • Trailer Trashing: Better late than never? PSO 2 has finally arrived on American shores in this long-awaited localization of Japan's fourth or fifth favorite MMO. The downside is that it'll be an Xbox One exclusive for a while, and Europe's still not getting it.

    Toninator: > ["CATHARTIC." ADDENDUM: TRY TO FEED ME ANY OF YOUR OLD GARBAGE AND I WILL WEAR YOUR RIBCAGE LIKE A HAT.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I played PSO to see what all the fuss was about way back when in the Dreamcast era and I couldn't stand the way side-quests worked. Completing the same dozen rooms over and over isn't fun. I hope PSO 2 fixed that aspect at least.

  • Trailer Trashing: Heck yeah, Tales #17! I have a huge amount of affection for this series, and Berseria left us with a high bar to pass for next time, so here's hoping Arise turns out great. It certainly looks fantastic. Also: A bit concerned that the trailer only showed two playable characters, but there was a brief glimpse at what looked like more party members leaping away from an explosion. The interplay of the ensemble casts of these games really count for a lot.

    Toninator: > ["WEIGHTY." PROTIP: CHEST CAVITIES ARE ALWAYS A GOOD PLACE TO HIDE ADDITIONAL WEAPONS.]

    Thinkfluenced?: It's more Tales, so you better believe I'm on this. This could well be my eleventh Tales playthrough (unless I finally start on this copy of Graces F).

  • Trailer Trashing: From one enormous anime franchise I'm a big ol' fanboy of to one I couldn't care less about. Totally unlike every other DBZ game, DBZ Kakarot is revisiting the first couple of arcs of the anime. Hey, maybe it's still new to someone.

    Toninator: > ["VOCIFEROUS." ADDENDUM: I HOPE TRUNKS IS NOT IN THIS. ANIME KYLE REESE CAN KISS MY SHINY METAL ASS.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I think if I wanted to relive the first two sagas of DBZ, there's a podcast for that.

  • Trailer Trashing: A game about a couple of ungulates slowly making their way home across the ruins of human civilization. Looks to be another tonal piece with some escort/survival elements. I like the look though, and there's something about the game's dark, dilapidated city environments that reminds me of Fragile Dreams.

    Toninator: > ["SCRAPPY." ADDENDUM: MORE LIKE DEER ESTHER.]

    Thinkfluenced?: I've played plenty of games like this in the past and enjoyed them just fine. I know I'll play this and be woefully anticipating the inevitable tragic Bambi twist ending.