Well, now that I am the champion of Cyrodiil and the mad god, Sheogorath, I felt like I was just about finished. But long ago during the story I received a message from a Dunmer, Myvryna Arano, saying I should meet a Doyen in the garden of Dareloth at mid-night. A quest popped up, telling me to go to Dareloth's garden. This quest was ignored ever since I closed the gate at Kvatch until I become Sheogorath. And then I took some interest since the only other guilds I had completed were the Fighters guild (no page exists?) and the Dark Brotherhood. So I went and met this Doyen at mid-night, Armand Christophe, and saw two other potential thieves. Methredhel and Amusei. Apparently, three people trying to get into the guild was extremely unusual, so we were tasked with stealing the diary of Amantius Allectus, whoever got the diary first and brought it back to Armand would be the newest member of the Thieves Guild. Amusei blarted out that Amantius lived in the Elven Gardens district, ran to a bed roll and fell asleep. I counted him as an unreliable douche bag and just followed methredhel. She ran to his house and took his diary before I could pick the lock. She stepped out of the house and I pick pocketed her and took the book, along with some gold.

I returned to Armand, and saw Methredhel had returned before me. She approached me and said I was a thief (herp derp). Ignoring Methredhel, I gave the book to Armand, who then welcomed me into the thieves guild. I was told about fences, people who would finally buy my stolen gear instead of having a single chest in a small, shabby house devour it. I continued to mash A to continue through all the speech I could and finally got onto my first heist (well that is after fencing 50 gold). I was tasked with stealing some tax records from Hieronymus Lex's office. Apparently, the Waterfront was the poverty community of the Imperial City, they owed the city taxes (like all citizens) but the Imperial Legion, the soldiers responsible for collecting taxes, realised they were far too poor to pay these taxes any time soon and just ignored them. That is until Hieronymus Lex ordered a tax collection, half of the taxes had been collected and the other half had been recorded on these tax records, meaning if they 'misplaced' he couldn't collect the taxes easily and would probably have to cancel the whole operation. So I sneaked into his offices only to be shot down by Lex himself, saying I was a 'criminal scum' and forcing me to pay 1 gold. I tried four times and succeeded on the fourth attempt. I took the records and some gold and returned to Armand. He said I could keep the gold, and that all I did was send the Legion a message that they had 'gone too far'.

I was then 'promoted' to the level of Footpad and was assigned another heist (after I had fenced 100 gold, of course). I was to steal a bust of an Elven 'maiden'. This bust was in a crypt on top of her coffin. I had to go to Cheydinhal, and ask the ever reliable font(s) of all knowledge. The Beggars. I paid one 15 gold and he told me to go to the Chapel Undercroft. Although this seemed easy, the Bosmer (I think) beggar said that the undercroft used to be free for the public to enter, but now it was restricted to only the guard and Count Indarys. This was because the bust was of the Count's late wife, Lady Llathasa. I continued on and went to the undercroft. I instantly saw an Altmer guard protecting the bust, she was on patrol so I sneaked pas her. I grabbed the bust and quickly ran out before the guard saw me. I returned to the Waterfront, only to find it covered with guards roaring, 'Have you seen Armand Christophe?!'. I was told that Methredhel, the one I yoinked the diary from, wanted to see me. She told me that the Thieves Guild could NOT operate under this intense pressure from the Legion. I was to frame someone so that the Legion would leave the Waterfront. There was a supposed traitor in our midst, one Myvryna Arano, the Dunmer that had told me to got to Dareloth's garden. So I went and planted the evidence, spoke to a guard and got Myvryna arrested. She tried to get me arrested, but Lex was in the uncomfortable position of no power. There was only evidence to arrest here and I went of on my own business, after a warning from Lex. I returned to Armand at midnight and got promoted to Bandit.

I was told to go to a Khajiit caled S'Krivva. I went to here house to find the door was locked. I pick locked the door and entered, only to be met by a guard who somehow got in before me. I was greeted with the usually 'Halt' or 'Criminal Scum' and fined 1 gold for trespassing. I then waited til day to talk to S'Krivva, she told me of another Khajiit, Ahdarji, who needed my help. I had to speak to a beggar to find out where Ahdarji was. 15 gold and one minute later I was speaking with Ahdarji. She told me that an argonian, Amusei (wait a minute!?), stole a ring that was a family heirloom. I had to locate Amusei through the means of 15 gold and a beggar. I was told he was arrested by Alessia Caro for trying to rip her off (plus she hates Argonians, racist bitch...). So I went to the castle and went to the dungeons, I tried to force my way in and ended up killing half of the Cheydinhal guard, but I ended up owing blood money (according to a quest update). So I reloaded and bribed my way into the dungeons. I talked to Amusei who was reluctant to telling me anything, until I bribed him with one of my few pick locks. He told me everything and I continued with quest. I went into the town of Cheydinhal to do a bit of 'goofing off'. Once I was finished I continued with the mission at hand, to confront an Argonian hater and get some cat-woman's ring back.It was a little less exciting that I described it (if that was really exciting at all!) I went to the Countess and she denied everything. I then found some sort of servent who told me everything after fumbling with the persuasion wheel (mashing Y until her disposition was at max). She told me that Alessia Caro had a secret chamber for torturing Argonians that had come recently from Black marsh (I felt like picking an Argonian was a bad choice, they seemed to be hated by everybody). So I crawled through the dungeon style area and nabbed the ring... after 4 attempts and paying fines. I returned to S'Krivva who paid me and promoted me to Prowler. More of a Khajiit title, but I didn't care.

S'Krivva then promptly gave me another task, after fencing 300 gold (this whole fencing business slowed down the quests quite a lot). I was to find Methredhel. It wasn't as easy as it should of been, but I found her and she said that she had a plan to get the Imperial Legion out of the waterfront. She had planned five major heists to go on at the same time, I was part of one of these heists. This time I had to steal Hrormir's Icestaff which was in the possession of the Archmage. I quickly traveled to the Arcane University, went to the top of the tower and stole the staff very quickly. I was supposed to place a message in the Archmage's Bedside table, which I did... after returning to Methredhel and finding out I had forgotten to do this crucial bit. I then had to spy on Lex. I did so and eventually a Dremora approached him and gargled something, gave him a note and then disappeared. I found the note and it was just Raminus Pollus bitching about how Lex had caused the Mages Guild to lose a valuable artifact. I returned to Methredhel and she told me to return the staff. So I quickly ran to the Arcan University and returned the staff. I messed around with the 'pick up' (LB) mechanic to put it on the table perfectly, so it was in the same position as it was before. I returned to S'Krivva who paid me and promoted me to Catburgler, another Khajiit-like title.

S'krivva gave me a new mission (after fencing 400 gold). I was to locate a missing thief, Theranis, who had been hired to steal a book. I had to go to Skingrad, make a beggar a little bit richer and find out that Theranis had gone to prison for getting a little bit drunk and bragging about successfully stealing the book. I instantly went to Skingrad's castle and went to the dungeons. I asked the guard to get in, but he said I couldn't go in. He then blarted out something about being an assistant for Skingrad castle's butler, Shum gro-Yarug. I spoke to him and got the job. I was happy being a slop-drudge. The 2 coins a day I got for feeding the prisoners was nothing compared to the 3000-5000 coins I got every week at the arena. That is until I spoke to a nord, Larthjar the Laggard, who spoke of a 'Pale Lady' who would take prisoners away to torture them. After the third 'day out' they were never to be seen of again. Thheranis had been taken and he wasn't seen, but also an argonian had been taken. He put up a fight, apparently, and was bleeding when she took him. I soon followed a blood trail to a hidden chamber with the 'Pale Lady' inside. The chamber was her feeding room... she was a vampire, hence her nickname. I killed her quickly and found the body of Theranis. I found Amusei in a cell (god damn it! Where isn't he?). I freed him and exited the castle through a secret route. Once we were outside he told me the treasure was 'under a bush, behind Nerastarel's house, near a well'. I went to this bush, got the book and returned to S'Krivva. She paid me and (you guessed it)... didn't promote me? Well I'm always open to change.

My next mission (after fencing 500 gold) was to re-assign Hieronymus Lex to the Anvil Guard. This wasn't going to be easy, at least that's what I thought. I, again, approached a beggar and made him that little bit richer. He told me that the desk I needed to get to was in the private section of the castle. Meaning it was restricted. The beggar then suggested I went to Orrin, the castle's black smith. I went to Orrin, he was a fence for the thieves guild operating within castle anvil. He was also a Redguard black smith... get it? Never mind. He showed me to a secret passage that I could take to get to Dairihill's office to steal the recommendations list. I stole the list and took it to a man name 'The Stranger'. He forged the list and I gave it to Countess Umbranox. I returned to S'Krivva who paid me and Promoted me to Shadowfoot.

I don't remember much about the next few assignments, but I had to go get some special enchanted gem from a temple and give it to the Gray Fox (that's right) and then I have to go and get a special arrow from some rogue mage and get the boots of Springheel jak (a reference to the legend of Springheel Jack, a victorian(I think) mass murderer who was never found and it thought to be just a myth). And then came the Ultimate Heist. Probably my least favourite quest in the Thieves guild quest line. First I had to reverse some mystical sand timer in the mages guild, crawl through the Imperial sewers and break into the imperial palace by repeatedly firing arrows at a statue and eventually (after some more crawling and sneaking) nicking an elder scroll that would free the Gray Fox from his curse. I went to go and meet him at castle anvil and he reversed the curse and made me guild leader.

Well now that I am the Guild leader of the thieves guild, more guilds await my presence.

Until next time.

P.S. if you actually read all that, great-fucking-job, I only just noticed that this could be a small novel.