The Pro Starcraft II Guide For Pros and Those Who Aspire Pro-ness at Starcraft II
Hello dear readers. I am writing this guide because I am undeniably such a pro (at everything) that you will need to read this if you too wish to be a pro (at Starcraft II). This guide has been months in the making. The amount of time I spent on painstaking research is nearly unthinkable. To proclaim that I wrote this all about 10 minutes ago is ridiculous.
First thing first, you must ask yourself one important question. Do you live in Korea? If you answered yes to the previous question then you are already set, otherwise continue on.
What does it mean to be a “pro”? Webster’s Dictionary defines pro as, “an argument or evidence in affirmation.” I don’t know what that means, but it is irrelevant. You can be pro simply if you are better than everyone else and make sure that everyone else knows it. Employing techniques such as harassment on Battle.net, especially with alternate accounts, is a great way to accomplish this. Being pro has absolutely nothing to do with whether you make an income from the game or not – whoever told you this is a liar and doesn’t love you.
Before you start learning strategies you need to decide on which race to play. There is no need to understand the game as a whole, so you must focus all your effort on the one race that you can exploit the best. Now, if you want to be the best, you must learn from the best. You are already half doing that by reading this guide, but you can learn from arguably the best player (present company excluded) by listening to what IdrA says. In a recent interview he is quoted as saying “Protoss is the simplest race to get good at.” You don’t want to do anything complex on your path to pro-ocity, so naturally you must pick Protoss. But if IdrA is the best player shouldn’t I play Zerg you ask? Should I play Random like Day9 so I understand the game as a whole? No! You are wrong. If I need to explain to you why then you have already failed.
So now we must ask ourselves, how do we do well at Protoss? All of the best Protoss players (HuK, Nony, iNcontroL etc.) all wore hoodies at MLG DC. If you want to be a pro at Protoss you must immediately buy a hoodie and wear it at all times while playing. The temperature has nothing to do with it. Do not return until you have done this.
Ok, you have a hoodie. Good. But you still aren’t completely well equipped. You must buy the most expensive mouse and keyboard you can find, with the most pro gaming marketing dollars behind it. The more expensive it is, the better player you will become. It’s also better if it is wireless so you can move around while you play and your mouse or keyboard can conveniently die at the right time to allow you to have a rematch. Unnecessary extra features such as APM technology will also pay dividends.
Speaking of APM, it’s really the only thing that matters. Starcraft II is a game that occurs in real time, so if you are faster and can do more things at once you will win, plain and simple. In the acronym RTS two of the letters are about speed, and only one letter is about strategy, so being fast is twice as important as being smart. Make sure you are constantly spamming so your APM is AT LEAST above 200. Click inaccurately 20 times before making the right action. The only thing that matters is if people think you are good and when they see your APM they will know how gosu you are.
Despite all this, the only thing that really matters is what your strategy is. The longer the game goes on the more thinking you will have to do, so you need to end every game you play as fast as possible. You want to have more wins than anyone else, and in order for that to happen all you need to do is simply play more games than everyone else. Again, you need your games to end as quickly as possible. The number of losses you may rack up is irrelevant. Remember, speed is the only thing that really matters. So, with this in mind you should 4 warp gate every single game. Some cheeses are even faster, but people are finally learning to stop them. You have to exploit 4 warp gate RIGHT NOW while many people still don’t know how to stop it. The best method of improving is to exploit the most current overpowered strategy until people learn how to stop it or it is patched out. Then jump to the next overpowered strategy. By the time the game is perfectly balanced you will already be pro, and whenever someone talks trash you can tell them just to look at your record, and you won’t have to actually play games anymore. Being able to show off is really the only thing that matters.
The enemy may also employ ridiculously cheesy strategies against you, such as 14 gas 14 pool, 9 pylon 12 gateway, or going 1/1/1. There is only one way to stop this. First, you must pick one unit that is a part of that strategy. Secondly, you must cry imbalance about that unit and the entire race that unit is from on every single forum you can. Make multiple topics as well – the more vocal you are the more likely Blizzard will think your opinion is majority and a fact. Once Blizzard changes the game so the good stuff can only be used by you, you will be able to continue on the path to pro-ness.
Well, if you have followed this guide you should be a pro by now. Just remember to keep playing and cheesing to make other players rage. The game is not about having fun; it is about stopping as many other people as you can from having fun. That’s the only thing that really matters. As well as being pro.
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