Okay, so I had to make this fictional story up consisting of actual people, so who better than to pick Dan Ryckert and Dr.Tracksuit in it!

It's set in the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure world because I saw it as fitting. Feedback would be cool, just thought I should share this weird thing I made.

If the rest of the Giant Bomb employees would have stands, what would they be?

Edit: Just realized I shouldnt post google docs stuff here, take a pastebin version of it instead

http://pastebin.com/pJ71PLYE

I like that Dr. Tracksuit qualifies as "actual people." That man's an enigma.

For that matter... I like that Dan Ryckert qualifies as actual people.

There's no Legend of Zelda MC for your thing.

So you're saying you wrote Dan Ryckert into an anime for a school assignment. That's gotta be the weirdest school assignment I've ever heard of.

You know what, if I was the teacher and I didn't know anything about Dan Ryckert, I wouldn't believe he's an actual person.

Dan Ryckert is so sexy. I hope it was sexy fiction.

It was sexy, yes.

Two Ys in ability in line 19. Seems okay, you might want an interstitial paragraph explaining the surroundings unless the focus is solely on dialogue.

@fredchuckdave: Thanks for the advice I've never written anything like this before with dialogue lined up with that. It's for my theater class so feedback is sweet.

Slash fiction? ;p

On line 5 is says 'peaked my interest' but I think what you mean is 'piqued'. That's the word from the saying anyway, even though they sound identical.

Critically, a lot of the dialogue is just describing the action that's about the occur which you should tend to avoid, because you'll describe it outside of the dialogue anyway. You should replace it with motivations and back story!

Not cool enough to know the difference :(

Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it!

To be fair, dialog describing the action that's about to occur/is occurring is like half of JoJo's writing style.

You thought Dan was the pickiest eater in the world, but it was me, Dio!

1. It's not a cool thing to know the difference

2. Slash fiction focuses on a romantic pairing of characters

ok good then i was totally right

Your school is extremely lenient on what it accepts, and I weep for the state of the education system.