I’ll be documenting crazy shit that happens to me in Far Cry 3. Note there are no screenshots for the first entry because I hadn’t planned this. Doom on me.

Underwater Flanking

I was doing a side mission which involved using some shotgun to hunt down a bunch of rabid dogs. Being the badass that I am, I took care of them with ease. All of a sudden, I heard the unmistakable sounds of gunfire. RATATATA. And not the Pokemon. A fight between my dudes and the enemy broke out across the nearby river. Nobody saw me, so I jumped into the water from a small cliff. I stayed underwater until I made it to the other side, nearly losing my goddamn breath. I surfaced like a motherfucker, and immediately stabbed the nearest enemy from behind. No honor in that, only skill. The thug beside him finally noticed me, so I introduced him to my shotgun. BANG. He didn’t seem to enjoy the company. I quickly took the bastard’s AK 47 and went to town on the remaining enemies. Piece of fucking cake.

Pussy Shenanigans… I Mean… I am SO Manly

Right after my beyond manly flanking maneuver, I noticed a gap in the cliff from which I jumped. With the excitement of a fat kid finding cake, I swam towards it. The damn cave got darker the deeper I went (much like your mother’s vagina), so I turned on my trusty flashlight. I spotted some loot and took it for myself, not wondering how or why it got there. As I turned to leave, my flashlight went out, and the terrifying musical cues scratched my hairy balls. I panicked for a split second but the trusty flashlight came back on. Phew. I proceeded to casually swim out of the cave, and as I did, I had a split second of FUCKING FREAKING OUT MAN. An asshole alligator had attacked me. Or was it a crocodile, who gives a fuck? As I stabbed the shit out of him, I certainly didn’t. The damn crocligator pissed me off so much that I skinned him underwater. As I resurfaced, I noticed a beautiful goat on a nearby patch of wonderful grass. He was peacefully grazing, the moonlight glistening off his marvelous coat of whatever the fuck goats have. I shot him, skinned him, and would have done the same to his friends if it weren’t for some bad guys.

2 cunts must have heard me shooting, so they came to investigate. I went into full ninja stealth mode, and was running a circle around the suckers. They were going to die before they even knew where I was. Suddenly, cunt A spotted me. He opened fire and I took a few hits. So that’s the way they wanted to play. No problem. I charged at them with my AK 47 and it was all over in a couple of seconds.

Zip-line Into Battle

I was just minding my own business (hunting cute animals for their skin and shit) when 2 fuckers jumped me. I managed to hide in the tall grass, and waited for the bitches to cross my field of fire. One baddie did, and I sent a silenced burst his way (again, much like your mom). All of a sudden, I was being shot from behind. Motherfucker B was flanking me. Shit, I got too cocky. Before he could send me to my grave, I hacked him down. I decided to get the fuck out of there, so I jumped on a nearby jet ski and headed for the closest radio tower in the distance. I scaled that bad boy and got rid of the jamming chip on it like it was nothing. The zip-line from the tower led to a rocky beach with an enemy truck on it, so I decided to go for it. They were about to get a full serving of Rambo.

By the time I got to the beach, the truck had driven away. The fuckers would live for at least another hour. I heard a nasty growl nearby, so being the manly man that I am, I ran towards it. A goddamn leopard was chilling on the beach, apparently taking in the sun. I did the only thing a man could do in this situation, I blasted him to kingdom come. Somehow, the animal didn’t go down. He charged at me and had himself a nice bite before succumbing to a rain of bullets. Luckily for me, some nearby junkies heard everything.

I hid behind a boulder as the morons fanned out. I took ‘em out one by one, each from the back with my silenced pistol. Thinking the job was done, I moved into the open. Once again, my enormous dick got the better of me. There was another man left, taking cover near a beaten down car. His shots scratched my balls a bit, but the fucker dropped like a stone after a single shot to his meth-smoking skull.

Stay tuned for more stories! This game is sooooooooooo much fun. It really surprised me in the best way possible.

I’ll be documenting crazy shit that happens to me in Far Cry 3. Note there are no screenshots for the first entry because I hadn’t planned this. Doom on me.

Underwater Flanking

I was doing a side mission which involved using some shotgun to hunt down a bunch of rabid dogs. Being the badass that I am, I took care of them with ease. All of a sudden, I heard the unmistakable sounds of gunfire. RATATATA. And not the Pokemon. A fight between my dudes and the enemy broke out across the nearby river. Nobody saw me, so I jumped into the water from a small cliff. I stayed underwater until I made it to the other side, nearly losing my goddamn breath. I surfaced like a motherfucker, and immediately stabbed the nearest enemy from behind. No honor in that, only skill. The thug beside him finally noticed me, so I introduced him to my shotgun. BANG. He didn’t seem to enjoy the company. I quickly took the bastard’s AK 47 and went to town on the remaining enemies. Piece of fucking cake.

Pussy Shenanigans… I Mean… I am SO Manly

Right after my beyond manly flanking maneuver, I noticed a gap in the cliff from which I jumped. With the excitement of a fat kid finding cake, I swam towards it. The damn cave got darker the deeper I went (much like your mother’s vagina), so I turned on my trusty flashlight. I spotted some loot and took it for myself, not wondering how or why it got there. As I turned to leave, my flashlight went out, and the terrifying musical cues scratched my hairy balls. I panicked for a split second but the trusty flashlight came back on. Phew. I proceeded to casually swim out of the cave, and as I did, I had a split second of FUCKING FREAKING OUT MAN. An asshole alligator had attacked me. Or was it a crocodile, who gives a fuck? As I stabbed the shit out of him, I certainly didn’t. The damn crocligator pissed me off so much that I skinned him underwater. As I resurfaced, I noticed a beautiful goat on a nearby patch of wonderful grass. He was peacefully grazing, the moonlight glistening off his marvelous coat of whatever the fuck goats have. I shot him, skinned him, and would have done the same to his friends if it weren’t for some bad guys.

2 cunts must have heard me shooting, so they came to investigate. I went into full ninja stealth mode, and was running a circle around the suckers. They were going to die before they even knew where I was. Suddenly, cunt A spotted me. He opened fire and I took a few hits. So that’s the way they wanted to play. No problem. I charged at them with my AK 47 and it was all over in a couple of seconds.

Zip-line Into Battle

I was just minding my own business (hunting cute animals for their skin and shit) when 2 fuckers jumped me. I managed to hide in the tall grass, and waited for the bitches to cross my field of fire. One baddie did, and I sent a silenced burst his way (again, much like your mom). All of a sudden, I was being shot from behind. Motherfucker B was flanking me. Shit, I got too cocky. Before he could send me to my grave, I hacked him down. I decided to get the fuck out of there, so I jumped on a nearby jet ski and headed for the closest radio tower in the distance. I scaled that bad boy and got rid of the jamming chip on it like it was nothing. The zip-line from the tower led to a rocky beach with an enemy truck on it, so I decided to go for it. They were about to get a full serving of Rambo.

By the time I got to the beach, the truck had driven away. The fuckers would live for at least another hour. I heard a nasty growl nearby, so being the manly man that I am, I ran towards it. A goddamn leopard was chilling on the beach, apparently taking in the sun. I did the only thing a man could do in this situation, I blasted him to kingdom come. Somehow, the animal didn’t go down. He charged at me and had himself a nice bite before succumbing to a rain of bullets. Luckily for me, some nearby junkies heard everything.

I hid behind a boulder as the morons fanned out. I took ‘em out one by one, each from the back with my silenced pistol. Thinking the job was done, I moved into the open. Once again, my enormous dick got the better of me. There was another man left, taking cover near a beaten down car. His shots scratched my balls a bit, but the fucker dropped like a stone after a single shot to his meth-smoking skull.

Stay tuned for more stories! This game is sooooooooooo much fun. It really surprised me in the best way possible.

Yeah, this game is so much fun. Looking forward to log #2. :)

My mother is a saint! Keep the blogs firing.

10 minutes into my free roaming I saw some blue flowers in the water so of course I jumped in without thinking and BAM a crocodile gets me. These little moments make this game amazing. Looking forward to log #2!

Thanks everyone! The second one is up here (and in picture book format this time!).

@Vinny_Says: Random crocodile attacks give me heart attacks haha. Jump scares usually get me.

I took my jet ski for walkies yesterday. Its important to keeping them happy and healthy.