After solving my first case I received my next E3 Mystery, I remember it as if it happened only hours ago...
Ed Boon steps into my office, I can hear his footsteps across the hard floor. The steps mix in with the sound of the rain outside my window. The smell of Dave Lang emits from him. "Irvandus, I need your help" he stutters trying to figure out how to pronounce my name. I turn slowly in my chair, it squeaks. "What do you need Boon? You know I don't like visitors on stormy nights, it's too cliche" as I say this Ed pulls out a photo... a photo of Hawkman. "It's Hawkman, he's gone missing, no one can get a hold of him. The last time I saw him he was screaming at a camera, screaming... fuck this place"
Naturally I couldn't turn down Ed Boon so I put all my effort into discovering the location of Hawkman. My first clue was in Hawkman's name, Hawk. This gave me two leads, I decided to follow the one that had less dialogue wheels...
Me and Michel Ancel sit outside a small cafe, the rain has let up a bit."You know I invented Rayman, not Assassin's creed, right?" he speaks in an accent that is foreign to me... trying to play mind games most likely. "I know you Europeans all share the same brain space. Now tell me about Hawkvision." he is taken aback by my statement. "What are you talking about?" He tries to weasel himself out of this. "Don't try to get out of this! Where is Hawkman!" He gets up from his seat. "I do not know where Hawkman is, and it's Eagle Vision not Hawk vision". I stand up stunned, "My god"
Well that lead went cold. I had some "contacts" of mine get in touch with Bioware, who as you know made a video game called Dragon Age 2 who had a main character named... Hawke. Most of the leads got nothing out of them but one who only goes by the code name... scoops got a response. It was an email that read: No, we don't know where Hawkman is. This is more annoying than all the emails we got about the ending of Mass Effect 3. Sign up for The Old Republic.
Another lead gone cold. I watched all the footage from E3 over and over again and finally I cracked this hawk egg wide open and found the chirping offspring of victory inside.
I stand in the cold parking garage that was once Kentia Hall. A man wearing a black shirt and glasses approaches. I clap slowly as he approaches "Well done Dominic, you had us all convinced. 1313 running on next gen consoles aye?" He looks down at the ground, he knows I know the truth. "What will you do when the public finds out?" He looks at me and starts to speak, "Hey man, maybe we can make a deal, I can give you infinite climbing mechanics if you let this go." "All the climbing mechanics?" "All the climbing mechanics". I have a moment of doubt, but if their was anything I learned reading Naoto's spinoff book you can't sell the truth. "No Dominic the world must know." He nods and walks away never to be seen again.
So here it is world, the truth about where Hawkman is this... Hawkman as well all know is filled with incredible power. Enough power to rule the world, or provide next gen graphics. That is the truth, Star Wars 1313 isn't played on a pc or a next gen console, it's played on Hawkman. E3 mystery solved.
Log in to comment