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#1 Posted by CL60 (16906 posts) -

I'm pretty sure I'm not the bad guy in this situation, tell me if I am, and I will apologize to everybody involved! But I'm pretty sure I'm not.

Basically, I'm 20 years old. I bought my own car, I buy everything on my own, but I still live with my parents. I have a friend from Korea, and she's moving back to Seoul in about a month, and she wants to visit a place close to here(5 hour drive) it's an absolutely beautiful place to visit, but she doesn't have any way to get there. So I decided to take a couple of days off work and drive her down there for a couple of days. So I went and told my parents where why I'm not going to be home for the next couple of days, and instead of getting the reaction I expected, I was met with screams, and threats to take away my car that I paid for.

I don't even understand, they're usually incredibly nice and understanding parents.

Am I missing something here? Or is it just completely horrible to want to take my friend to a place she wants to visit before she leaves? How do I go about this? Do I just leave anyway or what? I have no idea how to go about this, they've never acted this way before.

#2 Posted by rflx (576 posts) -

Ask them why they're upset.

#3 Posted by probablytuna (3684 posts) -

From what you've described of your parents as being "usually incredibly nice and understanding" I don't see how they are overprotective.

Online
#4 Posted by CL60 (16906 posts) -
@rflx
Ask them why they're upset.
They said "it's too far"
#5 Posted by Akrid (1356 posts) -

Not really giving us too much to work with, but probably has something to do with the taking time off work part.

#6 Posted by sickVisionz (1268 posts) -

Well, are you a do boy for this chick? Are you regularly adjusting your life to meet her whims? If so, that could be a major reason why your parents are upset that you're taking off work to do what this girl wants you to.

Other than that, lol @ them taking a way a car that you own the title to. Do what you want to do, just understand that you live in their house and they can legally make life hell for you in ways that you could never do to them, at least legally. Personally though, 5 hours isn't "close to here". Are you at least boning this chick or something? Is she at least going to pay gas money and a meal for what will be a 10 hour trip both ways? A 10 hour drive at gas prices nearing $4 a gallon (at least where I live, which is probably cheaper than the rest of the country) with no payment or service in return seems a bit much. Just off of principle, my friends wouldn't take me up on an offer of a 10 hour trek if they couldn't throw in some gas money.

#7 Posted by EpicSteve (6487 posts) -

You're an adult and you payed for your car and you pay for your gas.

#8 Posted by Hizang (8532 posts) -

@CL60: Just explain to them your a man now, your a phone call away and all of that crap.

In future tell them your staying at your friends for a few nights.

#9 Posted by Icemo (643 posts) -

I have no idea what your parents might be thinking. Your two day trip can't be the reason to your parents behavior, because if it is, there must be something wrong with your parents...

#10 Posted by CL60 (16906 posts) -
@sickVisionz

Well, are you a do boy for this chick? Are you regularly adjusting your life to meet her whims? If so, that could be a major reason why your parents are upset that you're taking off work to do what this girl wants you to.

Other than that, lol @ them taking a way a car that you own the title to. Do what you want to do, just understand that you live in their house and they can legally make life hell for you in ways that you could never do to them, at least legally. Personally though, 5 hours isn't "close to here". Are you at least boning this chick or something? Is she at least going to pay gas money and a meal for what will be a 10 hour trip both ways? A 10 hour drive at gas prices nearing $4 a gallon (at least where I live, which is probably cheaper than the rest of the country) with no payment or service in return seems a bit much. Just off of principle, my friends wouldn't take me up on an offer of a 10 hour trek if they couldn't throw in some gas money.

No, this is the first thing I've ever done for her, usually Im working, but nobody will take her, 2 people have already cancelled on her, so I just offered.
#11 Posted by IrrelevantJohn (1074 posts) -

I was in a similar situation but instead of just "it's too far" they said the main highway to get there was too dangerous to drive through for a 20yr old.

#12 Posted by Demoskinos (14886 posts) -

Just go. You are an adult and have your own money and own your own car. I think it would be far worse to your friend to bail after she's already had others do the same.

#13 Posted by Snail (8607 posts) -

Punch them to the face.

#14 Posted by imsh_pl (3296 posts) -

@CL60:

  1. First of all, be calm when you're discussing it. If they start yelling at you tell them that there's no need for raising their voice and that you think you deserve the respect to talk about the matter in a calm manner, and that you don't need to be shouted at.
  2. Tell them why you think it's important to you.
  3. If all of their arguments boil down to 'we say so and that's it', ask them if they might be wrong. If they answer 'yes' then tell them that if they can't think of anything better than appealing to their authority then it's a strong indication that they don't have a real argument. If they say 'no' tell them how you feel with them straight up lying to you (they can be wrong, after all).
#15 Posted by Alexandru (301 posts) -

@CL60: m parents dont give a fuck,its my buisiness.

#16 Posted by IceColdGamer (605 posts) -

Good luck taking away a car they don't own. That's called Theft.

#17 Posted by phuzzybunny (172 posts) -

I dealt with my overprotective mother by moving out.

#18 Posted by CL60 (16906 posts) -
@Demoskinos
Just go. You are an adult and have your own money and own your own car. I think it would be far worse to your friend to bail after she's already had others do the same.
Yeah, if my parents don't come around I'm just going to go probably, I'd rather them be fine with it though.

I don't know if she's joking or not, but she just texted me and said if I cancel like the other people she won't be able to trust canadians anymore, haha.
#19 Posted by thebatmobile (981 posts) -

Hey, you're an adult. Do whatever the hell you want.

#20 Edited by Hitchenson (4682 posts) -

Go anyway, you're an adult. Also, move out.

#21 Posted by foggel (2763 posts) -

You're going on this trip, and there's nothing they can do about it. When they start screaming it's because they raise the level of energy in the conversation. This is a technique used by many to get their way. The best way to retaliate to this is to not let the energy level of your voice raise to their level. That's their field, and they will win.

Keep calm, and explain why you want to go. By keeping calm they might get even more frustrated in an attempt to shake you up, but keep calm. Let them finish their sentences, and when they have nothing more to say... if it feels natural to reply, you do, if not, just say that you understand they are worried but you have made your choice.

Over time they will hopefully accept that you've grown up:)

#22 Posted by CL60 (16906 posts) -
@Hitchenson

Go anyway, you're an adult. Also, move out.

I would love to move out, but I can't.
#23 Posted by GreatMadness (37 posts) -

My advice is put a stop to their crazy shenanigans now, or they'll think they can pull this shit for the rest of your life. You certainly don't want them behaving like children in front of your future wife or kids.

#24 Posted by wjb (1666 posts) -

Do they know the girl? When I was younger, it wasn't so much the distance but the fact that they didn't feel comfortable with me going long distances with someone(s) they didn't know. They were uncomfortable, but they still let me do whatever.

Yeah, be calm and sell it in a way where you'll be okay. Even if you have to call every hour for updates or whatever, or show that you planned things out.

#25 Posted by pyromagnestir (4324 posts) -

@CL60 said:

@Demoskinos
Just go. You are an adult and have your own money and own your own car. I think it would be far worse to your friend to bail after she's already had others do the same.
Yeah, if my parents don't come around I'm just going to go probably, I'd rather them be fine with it though. I don't know if she's joking or not, but she just texted me and said if I cancel like the other people she won't be able to trust canadians anymore, haha.

She should never have trusted Canadians in the first place!

Tell your parents, in a non threatening way, that you are old enough to simply move out and not have to tell them about decisions such as this. Then after they kick you out, because no matter how non threatening you say it they will take it as a threat, do whatever the fuck you please. Do all the sex and and all the drugs and eat nothing but pizza and fruit roll ups! Because you're an adult, damnit!

#26 Posted by StarvingGamer (8287 posts) -

@CL60 said:

I don't know if she's joking or not, but she just texted me and said if I cancel like the other people she won't be able to trust canadians anymore, haha.

Ew, that sounds kinda guilt trippy manipulative. Then again I generally have the worst opinion about other people.

#27 Posted by CL60 (16906 posts) -
@StarvingGamer

@CL60 said:

I don't know if she's joking or not, but she just texted me and said if I cancel like the other people she won't be able to trust canadians anymore, haha.

Ew, that sounds kinda guilt trippy manipulative. Then again I generally have the worst opinion about other people.

Eh, I wanna go, she wouldn't really have to guilt trip me. I never told her about my parents at all, all she knows is that its 100% on. So I doubt it's a guilt trip.
#28 Posted by Mr_Skeleton (5145 posts) -

First I don't think they can take your car away (I hope it's registered under your name), but it really shouldn't come to that. You are 20 years old you are old enough to make those kind of decisions, just talk to your parents and try to work it our you don't want it to turn ugly.

#29 Posted by csl316 (8775 posts) -

If nice parents go batshit for no reason, there's probably some other problem that's the root of it. Then they'll say nonsense and you can't fight it with logic.

I dunno, if you have vacation days to burn just go. Sounds like they just have to get over you not being a kid anymore. This will get them used to the idea.

#30 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7098 posts) -

Go anyway. Their threat to take your car is empty because it's your goddamn car.

#31 Posted by AlexW00d (6283 posts) -

@sickVisionz: 4 dalla? Is that all? God damn.

#32 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8699 posts) -

Try convincing them you're mature enough to do this (reference your car, work, constant disappointment with MMO's (^^) ) and if that doesn't work...well just leave and prove them wrong. That's what I did.

#33 Posted by StarvingGamer (8287 posts) -

@CL60: Oh yeah, I'm not suggesting that you're being suckered in or anything. She's probably just hedging her bets since two other people already bailed on her.

#34 Posted by SJSchmidt93 (4896 posts) -

Disobey them and risk getting kicked out... or don't.

#35 Posted by EvilNiGHTS (1093 posts) -

Explain to them the girl is pregnant, it's your kid, and you're actually driving five hours to get married. See what happens.

#36 Edited by TooWalrus (13220 posts) -
@IceColdGamer said:

Good luck taking away a car they don't own. That's called Theft.

Though if he's in the same situation that I am, and he's under his parents insurance (thanks, Obama), then they could threaten to have his name removed, then he'll be driving without insurance, which isn't just stupid, it's illegal. 
 
I feel for ya man, I know my parents wouldn't be cool with me leaving to 'live in sin' for a few days, but they're also aware that I'm a grown-ass man and can make my own decisions. I don't know what your parents are like- luckily, the traveling isn't an issue with my parents. A few months ago, I decided to drive to Detroit on my own to see a concert, left early to dick around in the city for a few hours, and crossed over into Canada to hang out at the Caesar's Palace in Windsor on a whim without a passport, and they were totally cool with it. Good luck. 
#37 Posted by BraveToaster (12589 posts) -

I would've left without informing them in the first place. Anyway, just save up your money and move out. Just wait til you get yo money right.

#38 Posted by Brodehouse (9975 posts) -

Tell them off. This is not a 'be understanding of their feelings' situation. Because they're not understanding of yours. Debating with them only gives them the sense that there is an argument to be had. You don't argue with children for the exact same reason. You're an adult and they don't have power of attorney over you. This is where they'll lean that.

I also agree with that other dude about not being a do boy for this girl. You might think that nice girls wouldn't use you; they will. They will use you for whatever you'll give. They'll take advantage of your interest and then make you the villain for it. If you want to drive 10 hours and see whatever, that's great. Do things because you would like to do them, not because someone else would like you to do them.

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#39 Posted by Scrawnto (2452 posts) -

When I told my parents I was moving to Wisconsin and I was going to drive the 2400 miles to get there, my parents were totally cool with that, even though the farthest I'd ever driven before was 200 miles, and I'd only had a driver's license for about eight months. I definitely don't have an overprotective-parent problem.

#40 Posted by Subjugation (4722 posts) -

I dealt with overprotective parents by moving out.

#41 Posted by Galiant (2193 posts) -

@CL60: You're an adult. Go anyway. They really have no say in the matter.

You should also move out, because then the "but you're living under OUR roof" argument will never work again (if they ever used that on you).

So why can't you move out?

#42 Posted by Baillie (4195 posts) -

They're actually about to get divorced and were planning to tell you during the next couple of days.

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#43 Posted by CL60 (16906 posts) -
@Brodehouse Don't worry, I'm not. I want to go as well. Ive never been to the place. Not to mention after the end of the month I probably won't see her again for years. So I don't want to just blow her off all the time. I'd like to spend some time with her.
#44 Posted by Sploder (917 posts) -

lol I told my Mum that if I go to London University I'd be sure to let her know if I get stabbed by chavs

#45 Posted by CL60 (16906 posts) -
@Galiant

@CL60: You're an adult. Go anyway. They really have no say in the matter.

You should also move out, because then the "but you're living under OUR roof" argument will never work again (if they ever used that on you).

So why can't you move out?

I can't move out because money. Decent apartments are expensive around here, and I would rather just live with my parents rather than live in some shitty cheap piece of shit.
#46 Edited by DoctorWelch (2774 posts) -

Dude, do whatever the hell you want.

I would just leave anyway. They are adults, they should act like adults instead of screaming and acting like children. Do whatever you want and if they aren't going to be mature enough to talk to you about it calmly, then that's their problem.

@CL60 said:

she won't be able to trust canadians anymore, haha.

Also, never trust canadians.

#47 Edited by Phatmac (5726 posts) -

Don't just move out. Try to sort it out and be respective of their feelings. Don't be as rash as other people on here are telling you to be. Be considerate of their feelings and then move out if their is no other way to resolve this. Love your parents no matter what.

#48 Posted by Funkydupe (3321 posts) -

Yeah, don't start a big fight over this. They are your parents, no matter how old you are. I say go on your trip, as that's what I would have done in similar situation. It'll be fine. They're programmed to worry about you.

#49 Edited by believer258 (11949 posts) -

If you own the car, then they can't legally take it *nudge*.

I would just leave anyway. Like, really, I'd hide anything you need to get there and back, and then leave anyway. Also, find some friends who also have jobs and are willing to share the rent of an apartment or something like that.

EDIT: Well, all right. I still say leave anyway, but do try to talk to them. If you continually try to talk to them and they continually freak out, then get the hell out of there.

#50 Posted by DoctorWelch (2774 posts) -

@EvilNiGHTS said:

Explain to them the girl is pregnant, it's your kid, and you're actually driving five hours to get married. See what happens.

No, wait, actually do that.

Then, when they freak out even more, just say you're kidding. Then tell them they should be glad that's not what you're actually planning to do.