I need feedback on a comedy short I helped film.

Edit 7: We went back to something less narrative driven and more packed in this newest short. Also, the low resolution and VHS look is intended. Please let me know how we could improve our craft.

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Edit 6: Here is our long awaited (by us at least) Christmas spectacular. We put a ton of work into this one, and I feel it shows. I would like to hear tales of how it uplifted your soul and filled you with the Christmas spirit. Enjoy.

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Edit 5: Here's our next short. It kinda ties in with The Cool Guy. Let me know what you think.

Here's an extended cut of the Mike Mitchell magic video. It was just an extra thing we put together for our facebook fans. Worth watching, though.

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Edit 4: I present you with Not My Dog's first holiday themed short just in time for Halloween. As always I would enjoy listening to all of your comments and critiques. Posted 10/26/12

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Edit 3: Here is Not My Dog's third and in my opinion funniest short. Again, I would love any feedback you would like to give. Posted 9/15/12

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Edit 2: This is our second attempt at being funny. Check it out and let me know what you think. Our first video is below. Posted 7/31/12

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Edit: This is the first video we made. Posted about a month ago.

Me and some friends are ramping up our video production after being out of the game for a while. It's hard to tell if something you create is any good so I'll take any feedback you have, positive or negative. Thanks for the help.

Are my ears deceiving me or is that Shostakovitch's String Quartet No. 8? That alone makes it great. Just a suggestions, make it more over the top, similar to the dude's reaction in the first part.

@InternetCrab said:

@Moreau_MD: @InternetCrab: This is comedy!... maybe, but if you guys have any constructive criticism, I'd love to hear it.

Good job! I found it really funny and the acting is great. Thumbs up (gave it on youtube XD)

@vince_kupo: Thank you very much. I know we've got a lot of room for improvement, and hopefully that will happen through filming, filming, filming. I've got the gear to make great video, now we have to work on the talent... :D

I didn't think it was funny. It looked like any other amateur comedic YouTube video.

@DemBones: Well, thanks for the input. We strive to improve.

@JOSHardson said:

@vince_kupo: Thank you very much. I know we've got a lot of room for improvement, and hopefully that will happen through filming, filming, filming. I've got the gear to make great video, now we have to work on the talent... :D

Great my turn, check this out XD

http://www.giantbomb.com/forums/general-discussion/30/my-gift-to-giant-bomb/551444/

Also, I do some video editing (still learning) So if you ever are interested in getting some help, check the link on my GB account

@vince_kupo: Cool stuff. I'll definitely keep you in mind for help. I've never sent large video files across the interwebs, but I'm sure it's doable.

I have optic fiber, that ease the process a bit. :-) But really if you want to get more or less serious with uploading videos, get an internet service with high upload speed. It used to take me about 5 to 6 hour to upload a 20 mins video at 720p, now it takes about 20 mins with my current setup. Unless you are fine uploading at night.

lame-pires.

decaff isn't lame. go fish isn't lame. could call this nerd vampires with no changes other than title shots. thats a problem.

i think lameness needs a comparison. do you want to X (non lame)? no i want to do Y (lame)!

lets rock out, teeny bopper song plays. etc.

something that gives insight into their world and how they interpret the outside world.

You guys seem to have everything down except the actual jokes themselves; "Lame Vampires" isn't a very catchy hook, but if you made other vids then I would watch them. I can see the Mega64 or whatever is popular these days shining through in the video but it's just not quite there. Maybe a little faster timing, and the jokes should escalate, this one ended on a weak note. The acting was totally good though, perfect for comedy videos. 
 
Yeah, I'd say just try to go more out there with your ideas, and you can make something awesome. Keep it up for sure.

@stinky: Great feedback. Thanks. I'll be the first to admit that the script was a bit rushed so we could film SOMETHING. We were excited to get started again.

@Chuggsy: Thanks. We plan on sticking with it and getting better. I'm actually pretty excited for our next short. It's a little more ambitious.

I have that exact same casserole dish.

I didn't hate it, but the jokes were pretty tame. Delivery and timing was good though, I think you just need better writing. The "lame vampires" splash gag got a giggle from me, but using it multiple times kinda ruined it for me.

@JOSHardson: I thought it was very funny. The coffee skit was whatever but the first and last one made me chuckle.

Nice job man!

I thought you said it was a comedy?

@Getz: Cool. The idea was to lump 3 of them together to extend the length and because we had some weaker ones that we didn't want to throw out. Maybe we should just distill it down in the future. Cut the fat so to speak.

@Dexter_Morgan_: Thank you.

@AgnosticJesus: It was a tough call. I couldn't quite decide if it was comedy or horror.

It's competently made, well-timed, and looks good, but I didn't think it was very funny. The premise of having pussy vampires talk about casseroles and drinking decaf coffee doesn't go very far. The jokes are too obvious; they have no layers at all. You have to go beyond just showing vampires doing non-vampire things. Put them in actual situations where real behavior and dialogue can develop. Humor is always better when it's anchored to some kind of reality.

For what it's worth, though, I did show it to my 11 year old daughter, and she thought it was funny. Don't know if that's the audience you're going for, but there you go.

Keep it up.

@frankfartmouth: Ha! We now know our demographic. Thanks for your suggestions. I agree it's a shallow premise.

@JOSHardson: I liked the playing up vampires bit at the start, with the lightening and hissing (the bigger guy's reaction was hilarious). The 'vampire trope' mixed with 'lame' (I actually think 'suburban' vampires might be more accurate) is pretty funny, without the vampire stuff it kind of just becomes 'people doing things and they happen to look like vampires'. I was kind of waiting for them to eat the neighbour at the end of the skit, how they just stood there was a bit...well, lame. I think you could have done more with the DnD (was that DnD?) bit as well, maybe have them playing as the monsters rather than heroes and terrified by the vampire hunter?

You know what's lame? Middle class white people. Hilarity!

=(

@JOSHardson: Dude, you definitely have the talent and the cinematography down. Which I'm sure that's your college classes paying off.

But it always feels like your premise is half-baked the entire time. Dude go all the way, I think it would have been way funnier if like the whole time they were either being really lame like nerds or gay. Or whatever subtext and you have people freaked out by them and they would keep missing the boat and go "Why cause we're vampires?"

Lame vampires is the premise, but there was no pay-off. There's gotta be a punchline.

It's not funny, but done well technically. I hope that helps, so just to fix the errors to make it funny and it will be good.

You remind me of bronies.

Some physical comedy wouldn't hurt. I liked the "with help from rachel ray" bit. I would play up the effeminate angle a little more, I liked the "sensitive immortal".

@Inkerman: Thanks for the input.

@Doctorchimp: No college for me. One of our members has a film degree, and another is finishing up his writing degree. I've kind of adapted myself from my photography hobby.

@corewalker: Thanks. Noted.

I LOL'd. It's great.

@LastNinja: Thank a lot, duder.

There could be something with the actual premise, but the execution wasn't that great because we don't need more examples of the same thing, I guess? We get it, they're lame. And decaf jokes were never funny.

Lame vampires could work, but it's got to be something deeper than simple gags involving casseroles. Unless this is a one-time thing, then nevermind.

In the last skit, it seemed like the Steadycam shot was a bit wobbly. Beyond that, I mean...I didn't find it funny, but I also don't laugh at a whole lot. Overall, the filming quality was good.

Lame premise

Lame Vampires isn't a very catchy name. Also try putting a different sound effect in when the Lame Vampires title comes up. That being said everything else on technical side seems very good and I laughed at the decaf bit. Keep working on it.

I thought it was funny, the casserole bit was the best part, it got a laugh! Only criticism I'd have was the end could have used a little something maybe? I dug it though.

Also yeah all the camera work and audio was top notch. Nice work.

@jakob187: I don't have a steadycam so I went hand held for that "Office" type look.

@will_leisure: We had a few more, but we'll probably only film them if we run out of new material.

@Metric_Outlaw: Thanks.

@TheSouthernDandy: Yeah, it kinda just trailed off at the end. Thanks for the constructive criticism. I don't mind criticism in the least, but knowing why someone thinks it is worse than cancer would be helpful.

Edit: I added this video to the first post. Should've done that in the first place I guess.

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Alright, we've finished our second short. This one was much more ambitious. We shot everything underexposed so I already know it looks a little crappier than the last. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks in advance for any critiquing.

@Erzs: Thank you for that glowing review! I'll make it known that there is more want for Lame Vampires. I know we have some more ideas for them.

The acting was a bit over the top for my taste. The only one that was decent was the casserole guy.

Develop your characters more (even if that means making the videos longer). I don't see any of that stuff as lame, but maybe if the audience understood why it is compare to the characters themselves. Instead of having three different topics in one short, try focusing on one for one short. Also, that font makes me cringe.

1st skit: Great. Exaggerated/Ridiculous facial expressions and random actions between jump cuts are always good.

2nd skit: Eh...too much of a "Here's the punchline!" vibe.

3rd skit: Also a little flat. I think it was too long, and the neighbor was too....I don't know. Too much delivery, I guess?

Nope... still not funny.

@theANCIENTgray: Check out the second short that I moved to the opening post. It's a little more grounded.

@Ghost_Cat: Try the second video as well. It's got more of what you suggested.

@LikeaSsur: Thanks for the critique. Let me know what you think about our second short.

@BraveToaster: I know, right?

nice improvement over lamepires!

Second one is way better, nicely done man. Still would be funnier if there were less jokes. Like, the more you play it straight, the less time you pause for humour, the more funny the sillyness of the situation becomes. At least that's how I prefer my comedy. It's all taste, after all.

It could have been funny, I cant put my finger on why it isnt funny. ( of coarse I have Aspergers, so its hard for me to tell subtly )

One of the reason why some people might be having a poor reaction might be because you set it up to fail, not intentionally mind you. But as opposed to letting us watch it, and make up our minds, you asked us for suggestions before we even pushed play. This probably lead to preconceived notions about the product, or at the very least, a different mind set.

as opposed to watching the video, expecting it to be funny, similar to a stand up comedian's act, where you cant stop laughing. We certiqued everything, and expected it to be unfunny.

I would try asking people in real life too, perhaps people that feel comfortable around you. But ask them after they have seen the video. Ask them "At what point, if any, did the video become unfunny." if you can target that down then you can figure out what it is that is turning people off.

@Dagbiker: That's a point I never considered. Maybe sometimes a harsher criticism is needed. The crew is pretty easy going, so we can probably handle it. Thanks for the input. It is appreciated.

@Tylea002: Thanks for the suggestion.

@stinky: Thanks! Continuing improvement is what we chase.