My book advice ideas etc.

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XXXTheJuggernautXXX

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this is what i have so far its about a teenager who befriends a young adult with super powers.

i worked really really hard on this so far tell me what you think i am open to constructive criticism and advice.

Infinity

Chapter 1

The meeting of the minds

“I know your secret” Clarks sharp words cut clean through the fog of silence that had descended on the small table in the corner of the coffee shop. “I don’t know what you’re talking about” Clarks sharp words were dulled by the calmness in Amy’s voice. “Stop lying to me! I’ve seen it all of it and it’s going to take a lot more than playing dumb to get me off your case.” As Clark finished he gritted his teeth and slammed down his glass onto the pinewood table. Clark noticed that he had gathered stairs from all around the shop, he held up his hand to assure everything was ok. As if simply moving his hand to a ninety degree angle he could reassure everybody that he was not about to flip out and stab the person across from him. “I’m sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about.” Amy said as she crossed her fingers and leaned back in her chair. “Do you think I would have tracked you down if I was not one. Hundred. Percent. sure? Don’t insult me, I know what you are and I am giving you until 10 PM to convince me not to expose you to everybody it’s your call.” as Clark began to stand up the wooden chair screeched against the floor. As Clark turned his back he smirked, “wait” Amy said. Clark grinned as if Amy had just told him he won the lottery. Clark sat down swiftly but slowly. Clark raised his eyebrows and leaned in closer to the table folding his hands “well convince me.”

The air was painted white by the everlasting blizzard that had blanketed the town over the last couple of days. “You want to hurry up?” Clark said after taking a long and exaggerated look at his watch. Amy tapped on the window “the roads are covered in snow, how fast you want me to go?” Clark sighed and reached into his jacket his hand emerged holding a small tape recorder. Clark then with a smooth flick of his wrist tossed the tape out of the open window it was then cloaked behind the rapid white snow that was pelting the car. “What was that” Amy commented looking at Clark and still trying to keep one eye on the road. “That was any evidence that we have ever interacted boom gone, I did you a favor now you do me one. Tell me the truth” Clark paused massaged his forehead and then confessed “sure I would love to post everything I know about you on my website I would be famous but my curiosity outweighs my lust for fame, I already know what you can do but I want to hear you say it.” Amy took a deep breath “your right, your right about everything but how did you know?’ Clark chuckled at his discovery he was finally right victory was sweet “are you kidding me if there is one thing comic books and movies have taught me it’s how to identify a super human when you see one.” They both laughed as Amy pulled into her drive way “we are going to have one hell of a friendship you and me” Clark predicted as he pretended to zip his lips and throw away the key “your secrets safe.”

As Clark stepped out of the car and faded into the roaring blizzard. Amy looked at his shrinking silhouette, she smiled.

Chapter 2

A new day

1 year later

“For the last time I’m not wearing that” “at least tell me which one you liked better” “I don’t know, the first one”. “Check this one out” Clark bragged as he pushed a notebook with a sketch of a skin tight, light blue costume with a cape drawn lightly with colored pencils “It’s not the costume Clark” Amy protested pushing the notebook back across the rocking wooden table “if you don’t wear a costume everybody will be able to tell that it’s you!” Clark said knocking back another can of redbull. “What makes you think I want to spend every waking moment fighting crime?” Amy argued. “It’s not that much of a stretch from your normal job, just now instead of serving over-priced coffee to teenagers and stressed out business men. You will be serving justice to those in need. Just like superman.” Clark barley finished his sentence before he realized how funny he sounded “or something like that.” He added taking a short sip of his drink. Amy ran her fingers through her white-blonde hair “How about just a ski mask or something?” Clark crossed his legs and leaned back looking at the motionless ceiling fans “then what would be in your utility belt?” Clark said unraveling his fingers in an explosive manner. “A switch blade and a crowbar?” Amy smirked “you know I did not mean I like that” before Amy could finish Clark cut her off “superman, flash, captain marvel how often do they just whip out the good old ski mask and go protect the helpless huh?.” Clark tossed her the notebook, missed then picked it up and handed to her. “Look these over tonight give em, a chance I was up all night thinking of these.” “Well that explains the 17 cans of redbull. I will look them over but I never said I was on board with this yet” Amy explained as she put on her white fur coat. Amy walked out the door sounding the bell that rang whenever somebody walked in or out. The dull lights were barely enough to aluminate Clark’s table, Clark crushed his empty can and tossed it into the aluminum trash can by the edge of the front counter. Clark grinned at his “three pointer” and strolled out the front door waving goodbye without looking back. Clark was greeted by the shining sun that always found a way to out maneuver the clouds. The town of Glen Ellyn was quiet other than the sound of occasional traffic and young people jogging however there were few joggers out due to the cold weather.

Not a sound could be heard for miles it was a dark misty night the only light that could be seen were from the stars in the sky and the full moon that hung in the sky above the abandoned junk yard.

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McGhee

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Don't ever say "gritted his teeth." That is all.

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XXXTheJuggernautXXX

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@mcghee: why not its descriptive and makes sense btw how the hell did you read so fast

so you like it?

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McGhee

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@mcghee: why not its descriptive and makes sense btw how the hell did you read so fast

so you like it?

Are you kidding? I didn't read all that. "Gritted his teeth" is so overused it's not even funny. Stephen King even mentioned it once. But I'm just fucking around with you. ;)

I would only say that you should keep writing. That is the biggest hurtle. Write the whole story and finish it. This is what I've always had trouble with.

Also, every time a new person speaks, you should start a new paragraph. As in:

"Oh EM GEE, you are the hawtest vampire I've ever seen," Bella said, her breasts heaving and swinging in the un-earthly gravity.

"But, I'm one thousand years old. I fucked your great great great great great great great great great grandma," sparkly boy gritted.

"Don't deny your feeling. I want to bear your half-breed children!"

This is how you do it so that you don't get a wall of unreadable text.

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XXXTheJuggernautXXX

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@mcghee:

thats really good advice im going to fix that in the morning.

ps. thank you for helping me out it took a lot of courage it share my writing i work really hard.

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McGhee

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#6  Edited By McGhee

@mcghee:

thats really good advice im going to fix that in the morning.

ps. thank you for helping me out it took a lot of courage it share my writing i work really hard.

You are cool for being a good sport, despite me being a complete dick. Keep at your writing and show me more later. I'll actually read it.

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XXXTheJuggernautXXX

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@mcghee:

so you never read it thanks :/

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sparky_buzzsaw

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Giant Bomb isn't really the place to solicit comments on your writing. Locking this down.