Short Novel

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intoblivion

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#1  Edited By intoblivion

Hey GB community my name is Sam Bridges and I'am an aspiring writer, and right  now you may be wondering why iam posting this on Giant Bomb. Well recently I have begun writing a short action novel, and many of my influences for my writing come from video games such as Splinter Cell and Metal Gear Solid. I have a blog where I post each paragraph of my novel Caught in Fire. Now I have only posted one paragraph so far and was hoping i could get some feedback on it eg, its too generic ill even take in comments like "its shit". I hope that some of you read it as it would be much appreciated  along with any feedback.  
 
http://caughtinfire-novel.blogspot.com/2010/01/caught-in-fire-chapter-1-paragraph-1.html     
 
Cheers   

Sam
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Fallen189

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#2  Edited By Fallen189

It was fine, it read well, but the swearing felt unnecessary. It felt like you added it purely as a hollow sense of characterization. Naturally, I only read that short paragraph however, and they may be created as such.

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intoblivion

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#3  Edited By intoblivion

@Fallen189 said:

"It was fine, it read well, but the swearing felt unnecessary. It felt like you added it purely as a hollow sense of characterization. Naturally, I only read that short paragraph however, and they may be created as such. "


 

Ok thanks for the feedback Iam very grateful
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#4  Edited By Bombs_Away

Apart from some spelling and the obvious British-ness to it, yeah it's a decent solid start.

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intoblivion

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#5  Edited By intoblivion
@Bombs_Away said:
"Apart from some spelling and the obvious British-ness to it, yeah it's a decent solid start. "

Agains thanks (british-ness is a optional extra :P)
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#6  Edited By Voidoid

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is this your first "serious" writing project? Because from reading this I get the feeling that you have fallen into the trap that so many aspiring writers, myself included, have fallen into: Starting off by trying to write a novel. While we all have that wonderful idea for a novel that is seemingly just waiting to be penned, published and purchased, it simply doesn't work that way. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has the resolve, patience and sense of holistic judgement required to write something as huge and complicated as a novel, even a short one, without a lot of writing experience. I am not saying you should abandon this project - it is not without prospect - but put it on the shelf for the time being, and then write it when you are up to the challenge. It's not that it's bad right now, it's just pretty clear that this will be the kind of story where you'll sooner or later have a lot of trouble tying all the threads up. You would do much better to have a bash at a couple of good short stories to get started. Publishing in blog-form is a great idea.
 
Now, some things you might want to consider to improve your writing based on the paragraph:
To boot, your main character gives a very childish impression. Hating someone for having fought with them once seems very schoolboyish, the guy hardly seems like commando material (I am wildly guessing that is where you're going with this). Ask yourself if Sam Fisher or Solid Snake would have let something like that get them wound up and you'll see what I mean. Overall, I think there is too much plot advancement and too little actual development. All literature, even suspense, is about making the reader think. This passage that is more or less only about a man walking up to a door and kicking it in, has no particular meaning or message. In a good book, the message is conveyed all the time, in every paragraph and preferably every sentence. That is the kind of thing you can learn from practice and experimentation with smaller pieces, like short stories or poems. Also, as I interpreted your post you do not want your novel to be to generic, and since "action" is a crowded and competitive genre you've certainly got the right idea. Unfortunately, you don't really show how your book will stand out, what makes it unique, and you really should because it is (I presume) the first chapter. Otherwise pretty damned solid for an early effort, but I say it again, train your brain with shorter stuff first.
 
PS. If you don't want your novel to be generic, why did you name your character John? Why? Why? WHY!?