Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) - COWA... !

DUNG. I just came back from seeing it, and it's a real shitfest... Shitty one liners on a row, shitty music cuts for comedic value (several), more shitty cliches that you can think of and probably the shittiest Megan Fox performance ever put to film (lets call it her golden turd). The plot was so incoherent it makes The Room look good. Ok, that might be a "tad" hyperbole, but I can't stress how badly written this is. The Turtles themselves where funny at times though. Distinct personalities, some good humour, and fight scenes that utilized the Turtles shells in clever ways. My advice is to see this with friends and not expect much. It'll at least be something to joke and berate over.

But judge for yourself, and share your thoughts on it! Taste is, after all, subjective. Though the aftertaste of this still plagues my tongue... I need some Guardians of the Galaxy mouthwash please.

So BayTurtles is more Bayformers

Can't say I'm surprised. I wonder what other properties I enjoy Michael Bay can ruin?

Maybe he can be the new Uwe Boll and start doing Video Game Adaptions.

Yeah, it was awful. All I really have to say...

Elevator scene was alright.

And yet it's assured to make millions of millions.

The same friends who ridiculed me for seeing Hercules are going to watch this tonight... good to know they're in for one hell of a show

Shouldn't it be "Dunga"?

I'll probably still see it anyways. And enjoy it.

Shouldn't it be "Dunga"?

I'll probably still see it anyways. And enjoy it.

I loved it. The story was super dumb, yeah, but everything I wanted to be there was there. The Turtles personalities were nailed, and the action was great. I had some qualms with how they changed the backstory (namely Splinter) but I didn't get too hung up on it. Easily the second best TMNT movie ever made.

I agree, I really enjoyed it! Honestly though, it had that Godzilla 2014 vibe, the one where you really couldn't care less about the humans involved, but you're fully engaged for when the monsters are on screen. Megan Fox played the role as well as she could, but April was written poorly. "These giant turtles are jumping around and doing kung fu and throwing trucks around, WHY ISN'T ANYONE LISTENING TO ME?!" And Arnett, who's insanely funny, wasn't written any better. But as long as you can see past that awful writing for those two, the movie is fun.

NO! Don't see it with your friends. Don't give this movie your money. If you do there will be another one by these people. Do you really want that?

Seriously, though, I'm not shocked it's bad, but I may end up getting the DVD anyway. I have to know.

Or maybe I'll wait for it on Netflix.

You're telling people not to see it, but you haven't seen it? :/

@radleyduder: It was a joke.

I thought it was generally inoffensive. Definitely better than the first two Transformers movies (I thought Dark of the Moon was actually pretty fun).

Is anyone surprised that this film is a shitfest? Anything Michael Bay gets his dirty mitts on turns into a golden turd. Director Jonathan Liebesman track record based on metacritic is astonishingly brutal. What I am shocked about is how the executive people at Nickelodeon would even trust these people to create a good movie. I say this because the rebooted animated series that is two seasons in (with a third on the way) has been the best thing going for the Turtles franchise since ever.

Unlike the BayTurtles or anything before it, the animated series is some of the most well written and developed stuff I've ever enjoyed watching. The team behind the show should've been completely involved in this movie instead of the individuals responsible for the current theatrical abomination. It's also unfortunate that the awesome Will Arnett is tied to the film.

Is Splinter April's dad or something?

So, you mean that you wanted April to kill Shredder, instead of, you know, the fucking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

I took my son today and thought it was decent, my son loved it. The action was decent and the humans I could care less about.

I do think they seriously took some missteps with Shredder and the goddamn suit. He should of just worn it for the final showdown imo, also the foot not being fucking ninjas was way dumb.

Why can't they make splinter look like a rat instead of something from a nightmare?

Elevator scene was the best though, my son is five and it was his favorite part too.

I should also say that I am a huge TMNT fan and have been since the eighties. The comics are great, the animated stuff is fun, first movie is dear to me. But all that live action series bullshit is a travesty as well as the arena tour bullshit my dad bought tickets for and I told him no fucking way.

I've always thought it was going to be bad, but there is always a small bit of hope in the back of my mind when it comes to TMNT. I'll still probably watch it when it hits Netflix or something, and then get really sad. Michael Bay makes me sad, especially since I liked some of the earlier stuff he has been involved in(Bad Boys, The Rock, Armageddon). I know he didn't direct this, but it's got to the point that if he is associated with a movie at all, then I'm probably not going to like it.

The issue isn't that a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (should have been called April O'Neil Adventure With Some Mutant Turtles) movie can't be explosion filled and action packed but this movie doesn't make a lot of sense at multiple points. Lets count the ways:

- April basically walked through the movie with all of the answers from the start but somehow forgot them until the right moments.

- What kind of lab exposes test animals to a mutagen so a little girl can play with them?

- No wonder why no one takes April seriously as a reporter (even though she has her own camera man and is doing stories for a NYC station!) because she has all of the evidence in multiple pictures but shows bad ones to everyone going "Don't you believe me?"

- Those rugged mountains 20 minutes outside of New York were way more scenic than I ever remember.

- What was the point of making the turtles bullet proof and "The Foot Clan" into some army/paramilitary toting around guns? I guess Bay likes his guns and the turtles need cannon fodder.

- So let me get this straight: The Foot Clan/Shredder didn't know about the turtles. The turtles didn't know anything about The Foot Clan/Shredder. So why did they have a rivalry? Oh yeah they didn't. When it turns out whatshisface wanted the turtles alive to study the mutagen, they beat down Splinter instead for what reason? Leverage? Drama?

- So let me get this straight as well: The bad guy's plan was to give "The Foot Clan" this weapon so they could set it off so whatshisface could sell everyone the cure? Did they even have the cure made yet? Didn't it say the company's name right on the container they were going to use to release this? Multiple parts of this plan seemed supremely dumb.

I was never a fan of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" where I wanted this to work and gave it a lot leeway but the story was kind of insulting.

It was bad when you start to realize Megan Fox's acting was not the worst part of the film. That bad.

Oh I get it, Donatello is the smart one that's why he got buck teeth and the Urket glasses.

Film just felt the director was sucking up to producer Michael Bay by throwing all of his dumb movie tricks into this film. You like big explosions? You like quick cuts? You like stupid teenager humor? You like pop up lens flare in the background? Then watch this film

it was ok....

I thought it was OK, definitely flawed. Megan Fox's performance wasn't very good (not necessarily her fault) and Will Arnett tried his hardest to be funny. I liked that each turtle had a distinct personality and contributed to the group in their own way. The story and pacing was a mess. Unsurprisingly the action was fast and busy - too much so for my old brain to comprehend. That mountain scene felt like it went on forever. Shredder was a little too ridiculous; didn't like the way his story line wrapped up either.

Shredder did know about the turtles because of his apprentice's involvement with the experiments. Splinter knew about Shredder's apprentice at the very least and was also aware of the details of their dumb plan IIRC, don't remember if he was explicitly aware of Shredder though.

Yeah, their plan and motivation was dumb. I think the (already super rich) guy literally exclaims "Money!" as his primary motivation at some point.

I liked it. I'm a guy, though, that enjoys Transformers, so I'm sure 99% of the worlds population will say I'm wrong.

Isn't the cartoon on Nick half way descent? Then again Nick has been having problems of late where I'm questioning a lot of sanity of their recent decisions.

So are we going to get a rap concert and Super Shredder in the sequel? :)

I have been steadfast in my commitment not to give Michael Bay my money. I voted with my wallet and saw Guardians of the Galaxy again instead. It continues to be the best movie this year so far. Boyhood can go fuck itself, 100 rating on metacritic what a joke.

Let's not forget the moment she says something along the lines of "I spent 4 years in Journalism and I'm only here!"

WHAT?!? You are a Journalist with a Dedicated Cameraman working for a NEW YORK CITY NEWS STATION. Journalists would KILL for that kind of role in only 4 fucking years!!!!!!

Wow, this movie sounds hilariously awful. I may go see it in a theater now.

As long as Eastman and Laird get their royalties...

*drops mic, walks out*

The cartoon on nick isn't half bad probably a little past my age where I'm not super into it but I do catch it from time to time cause my nephew who is 5 is super into it.

Now to be fair, I believe April's issue is that she is given fluff and "life style "pieces instead of "hard hitting journalism" which if she was popular enough and drew ratings her editors would get her access to this perks. On the other hand, what she was doing in the movie trying to investigate what was going on shows she should stick to fluff. On the other other hand, maybe April is just whiny doesn't realize how great a career she has already. :)

@joeyravn: Eastman sold to Laird in '08 and Laird sold to Nickelodeon for 30 million in '09. Nickelodeon now owns the copyright and trademarks for the TMNT franchise.

I'll admit I always found it creepy when the Turtles acknowledged they were attracted to April in the Nick cartoon and still find it creepy when they acknowledge it in the film. Have to admit though that the turtles really don't have that many significant turtle females out there except for maybe Venus.

Second best Turtles movie ever made? Did nobody see TMNT 2007??

@i_stay_puft: WE DON'T TALK ABOUT VENUS.

I agree that film was alright, probably 3rd on my list. I actually enjoyed Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze as a kid and thought the super shredder was awesome. I actually remember my first day of school carrying aroung a tmnt II red pale lunchbox.

Just you wait till they pull a Shrek moment and we realize Venus was actually Megan Fox's April O'neil all along.

I've seen a few people say this and I don't understand it. Yes, they each portray that singular character trait they all have (Donatello does machines, etc.) - except for Leo, who doesn't seem to lead or do much of anything. However, we see barely anything of their relationships with one another. They try to force the family thing in at the end, but we hardly ever seem them interact or relate. I feel like they each had about 10-20 lines each in this 2 hour movie, and by the end they were all still total strangers aside from what you know of them from the '80s cartoon theme song.

The deal for this movie was signed before Nickelodeon bought TMNT. I'm sure they weren't ecstatic about the quality, but it has already made more than they paid for the franchise anyway, so I'm sure they don't mind.

Also, it was painfully clear that the script was re-written mid-shooting so that William Fichtner wasn't the Shredder and was just an apprentice. Dude's name is even Eric Sachs (americanization of Oroku Saki), and Shredder is barely even a thing in this movie aside from some giant monster that shows up when Fichtner conveniently disappears.

@altairre said:

i cant stop staring at this in completely dumbfounded confusion.

im sorry but fuck this movie's existence.

-real TMNT fan, out!

@altairre said:

I honestly can't help but be incredibly interested in seeing this movie purely based on how INSANE those turtles look. I watched the section of the trailer where Mike pullls off his mask like 100 times just to bask in the WTF! over and over.

I've always felt the franchise was born and bred for exploitation so I find find it hard to levee any artistic criticisms against any they ever release.

@billymagnum: I'm no TMNT fan yet I had the same reaction.

@altairre: i remember when i first got into the turtles a s a child. I wanted to know them! i wanted to hang out with them! i wanted to fight side by side with them!

...and these....things? lets just say i hope that elevator cable gives.

@i_stay_puft: Well, in the old comics I seem to remember April turning into a turtle towards the end (I don't remember if this was before or after she learned she was created by the Kirby crystal and thus not a real human being or something), so I guess it wouldn't be the first time.

The mind boggles.

Moviebob pointed out something I never realized that happened: The turtles met the Power Rangers. That could have been more interesting. :)

Bungle?

It already has! Had an amazing opening weekend compared to projections. No surprise there, in other words.

Cowabunga?

@professoress said:

@altairre said:

I honestly can't help but be incredibly interested in seeing this movie purely based on how INSANE those turtles look. I watched the section of the trailer where Mike pullls off his mask like 100 times just to bask in the WTF! over and over.

I've always felt the franchise was born and bred for exploitation so I find find it hard to levee any artistic criticisms against any they ever release.

The franchise started as a parody of how dark comics had gotten in the 80's. Namely Daredevil and DKR.

What. The fuck. Are. You. TALKING ABOUT?!

God now I'm just going to be on the TMNT wiki reading about April not being a human and Venus and all this shit that I never knew/cared about.

...and it's already passed Guardians for the weekend in the box office.